The Civility Solution: What to Do When People Are Rude (Hardcover)

by P.M. Forni (Author) "Eight tough weeks into my stint as a reluctant conscript in the Italian Army, I was not looking forward to another ten months in the..." (more)

Editorial Reviews

Review

“It is an honor to recommend this fabulous book! P.M. Forni’s thoughtful discussion of the importance of civility in today’s hectic world will surely help readers find viable solutions for dealing with a variety of rude situations.”—Peggy Post, director of the Emily Post Institute and author of Emily Post Etiquette, 17th Edition

“Pier M. Forni will be remembered as one of the greatest generals in our nation's struggle for civility.”—Smithsonian Magazine

--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

Product Description

Many of us find ourselves confronted with rudeness every day and don’t know how to respond.  From the intrusive cell-phone user who holds loud conversations in public to the hostile highway driver who cuts one off with a quick swerve of his car, politeness seems to be on a downward spiral, surprising us at every turn. P.M. Forni, the author of Choosing Civility, has the answer. knows that rudeness begets rudeness and, in The Civility Solution, he shows us what to do when confronted with bad behavior by being assertive as well as civil. In more than one hundred different situations, he shows us how to break the rudeness cycle by responding to a variety of confrontations from bullying to rude internet behavior or the hurtful words of an insensitive family member.  How would you respond to the following?

…A salesperson ignores your requests

…A fellow driver gives you the infamous “finger”

…Your child’s playmate misbehaves 

…Your boss publicly reprimands you

P. M. Forni has solutions for all of these and many more.  In yet another simple and practical handbook, P. M. Forni presents logical solutions that reinforce good behavior and make our world a more civil place.

See all Editorial Reviews

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Product Details Hardcover: 192 pages Publisher: St. Martin's Press (June 10, 2008) Language: English ISBN-10: 0312368496 ISBN-13: 978-0312368494 Product Dimensions: 7.1 x 5.2 x 0.9 inches Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies) Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (8 customer reviews) Amazon.com Sales Rank: #83,645 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Eight tough weeks into my stint as a reluctant conscript in the Italian Army, I was not looking forward to another ten months in the stark isolation of my remote Alpine outpost. Read the first page

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What Do Customers Ultimately Buy After Viewing This Item?

	86% buy the item featured on this page: The Civility Solution: What to Do When People Are Rude 4.5 out of 5 stars (8) $13.57
	12% buy Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct 4.6 out of 5 stars (20) $10.15
	1% buy Civility 4.1 out of 5 stars (14) $11.24
	1% buy Viva la Repartee: Clever Comebacks and Witty Retorts from History's Great Wits and Wordsmiths 4.4 out of 5 stars (17) $5.98

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Customer Reviews

8 Reviews 5 star:  (6) 4 star:    (0) 3 star:  (2) 2 star:    (0) 1 star:    (0)           Average Customer Review 4.5 out of 5 stars (8 customer reviews)		Share your thoughts with other customers:
Most Helpful Customer Reviews 43 of 45 people found the following review helpful: 5.0 out of 5 stars Another Winner!!, June 13, 2008 By  Dan B. (Baltimore, MD USA) - See all my reviews PM Forni has done it again! He has written another compact volume that is quite smart while also being quite simple, and which is exceedingly erudite while also being quite accessible. Most of all, The Civility Solution is eminently and immediately useful. Building on his prior best-selling success in Choosing Civility, Forni has created the perfect companion volume which answers the reciprocal question, "OK, now that we think we know how to be more civil, what do we do when people continue to be rude to us?" It may be simple, but it is not always easy, because common sense is seldom common practice. Even though I was able to use several of Forni's practical suggestions on the train home from NYC just yesterday, in its consideration of what rudeness is and how to respond to it, The Civility Solution underscores that the real solutions lie in ourselves and our own efforts to be good and decent and civil people. As a psychotherapist, I am able to suggest PM Forni's books as primers in how to become a better person and demonstrate one's preferred vision of oneself, one's character, and of one's future, at home, at work, and in the marketplace, as well as to learn ways to deal with others who behave less than admirably. 23 of 25 people found the following review helpful: 5.0 out of 5 stars Dr. Forni on Civility, June 30, 2008 By  StuartSchneiderman - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)    Dr. Forni has written clearly and cogently about an inspired topic. In the great cosmopolitan metropolis I call home, rudeness is an everyday fact of life. A goodly portion of my own work as a life coach concerns helping people to learn how to deal with it effectively. Deal with rudeness badly or ineffectively and we suffer psychological and even physical stress. Deal with it well, as Forni puts it, with civility, and our self-respect, character, and relationships improve. If this is true, then you have to wonder why the psycho-professions have not flooded the world with such manuals. Why is it that the topic has only drawn the attention of sociologists and etiquette experts? The skill is surely more important than getting in touch with your inner spirituality. Rudeness aims at one's place in society. In a community like New York where the extraordinary mix of peoples and cultures makes any determination of status and standing ambiguous at best, rudeness is a way to see how we stand in relation to others on the social hierarchy. Rudeness tests who is up and who is down, who is in and who is out, who is putting on airs and who is up to the task. Ups and downs are part of the way we talk about these issues. We want to stand up for ourselves when others are trying to put us down. And Dr. Forni correctly asserts, we want to do so without making fools of ourselves, without engaging in histrionic displays, without diminishing ourselves. We need to reply to rudeness without becoming aggressive, contentious, litigious,or argumentative. When someone is rude, we do not want to slap him down; we want to offer him the opportunity to recognize his fault and to back down voluntarily. Perhaps Dr. Forni is too optimistic that civility can diminish the sting of rudeness and restore relationship harmony. I have often been accused of the same thing myself. We know that civility may not be an appropriate response to every act of rudeness, it is surely the place to start. Before trying other ways to respond we need to exhaust the resource of civility. 1 of 1 people found the following review helpful: 5.0 out of 5 stars Nice reading, February 8, 2009 By  Rick von Baden Baden - See all my reviews This book gives you a whole new perspective about being polite and civilized. It will make you understand why some people are impolite and rude, as well as teach how to deal with rudeness in a day-life basis.		Ad feedback   Most Recent Customer Reviews 5.0 out of 5 stars Man Handling Good tips on how to deal with people that are rude, out of sorts, or just plain ignorant. Wonderful style. Published 9 months ago by R. Barnhurst 5.0 out of 5 stars Dealing with rude people. I bought this book for our daughter who has a job that entails working with the general public. She has gotten so much out of it that she has passed it around the office for... Read more Published 10 months ago by Caroline A. Millar 3.0 out of 5 stars Pollyanna would not have participated in the Boston Tea Party . . . If one is mesmerized by the love-in miasma of Deepak Chopra and Scott Peck, you're going to revel in this collection of a how-to-turn-the-other-cheek and... Read more Published 11 months ago by H.Z. DeHavilland 5.0 out of 5 stars Required reading for all Humans Both of Forni's books should be required reading for everyone. Although I wish it wasn't necessary, so many suggestions for situations he presents bring an opportunity for... Read more Published 12 months ago by HOPEFUL 3.0 out of 5 stars Quick scripts About: How to handle rude folks in a multitude of situations Pros: Quick read, interesting, includes many "scripts" of example situations and responses... Read more Published 12 months ago by Charlie Search Customer Reviews Only search this product's reviews

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 192 pages
• Publisher: St. Martin's Press (June 10, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312368496
• ISBN-13: 978-0312368494
• Product Dimensions: 7.1 x 5.2 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (8 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #83,645 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

43 of 45 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Another Winner!!, June 13, 2008

By	Dan B. (Baltimore, MD USA) - See all my reviews

PM Forni has done it again! He has written another compact volume that is quite smart while also being quite simple, and which is exceedingly erudite while also being quite accessible. Most of all, The Civility Solution is eminently and immediately useful. Building on his prior best-selling success in Choosing Civility, Forni has created the perfect companion volume which answers the reciprocal question, "OK, now that we think we know how to be more civil, what do we do when people continue to be rude to us?" It may be simple, but it is not always easy, because common sense is seldom common practice. Even though I was able to use several of Forni's practical suggestions on the train home from NYC just yesterday, in its consideration of what rudeness is and how to respond to it, The Civility Solution underscores that the real solutions lie in ourselves and our own efforts to be good and decent and civil people. As a psychotherapist, I am able to suggest PM Forni's books as primers in how to become a better person and demonstrate one's preferred vision of oneself, one's character, and of one's future, at home, at work, and in the marketplace, as well as to learn ways to deal with others who behave less than admirably.

23 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Dr. Forni on Civility, June 30, 2008

By	StuartSchneiderman - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Dr. Forni has written clearly and cogently about an inspired topic. In the great cosmopolitan metropolis I call home, rudeness is an everyday fact of life. A goodly portion of my own work as a life coach concerns helping people to learn how to deal with it effectively.

Deal with rudeness badly or ineffectively and we suffer psychological and even physical stress. Deal with it well, as Forni puts it, with civility, and our self-respect, character, and relationships improve.

If this is true, then you have to wonder why the psycho-professions have not flooded the world with such manuals. Why is it that the topic has only drawn the attention of sociologists and etiquette experts? The skill is surely more important than getting in touch with your inner spirituality.

Rudeness aims at one's place in society. In a community like New York where the extraordinary mix of peoples and cultures makes any determination of status and standing ambiguous at best, rudeness is a way to see how we stand in relation to others on the social hierarchy. Rudeness tests who is up and who is down, who is in and who is out, who is putting on airs and who is up to the task.

Ups and downs are part of the way we talk about these issues. We want to stand up for ourselves when others are trying to put us down. And Dr. Forni correctly asserts, we want to do so without making fools of ourselves, without engaging in histrionic displays, without diminishing ourselves. We need to reply to rudeness without becoming aggressive, contentious, litigious,or argumentative.

When someone is rude, we do not want to slap him down; we want to offer him the opportunity to recognize his fault and to back down voluntarily.

Perhaps Dr. Forni is too optimistic that civility can diminish the sting of rudeness and restore relationship harmony. I have often been accused of the same thing myself. We know that civility may not be an appropriate response to every act of rudeness, it is surely the place to start. Before trying other ways to respond we need to exhaust the resource of civility.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Nice reading, February 8, 2009

By	Rick von Baden Baden - See all my reviews

This book gives you a whole new perspective about being polite and civilized. It will make you understand why some people are impolite and rude, as well as teach how to deal with rudeness in a day-life basis.