I'm usually fairly easy going when it comes to popcorn flicks that serve no real purpose except to exist as breezy, silly fun. I love
The Mummy and
The Mask of Zorro,
Pirates of the Caribbean and
Sherlock Holmes, particularly since you can tell the writers, cast and crew have embraced the idea of making a film that has sheer entertainment as its fundamental goal. These types of movies have been around for a long time, not excepting the original
Clash of the Titans film. Sometimes you're just in the mood to sit back, turn off your brain, and enjoy the action that unfolds in front of you.
But then there are movies that require an extra amount of brain-power just to understand the convoluted events of the plot, and which leave you feeling frustrated and drained at how little sense it makes. Thus we have the remake of "Clash of the Titans", which is really an excuse for one hundred and six minutes of CGI monsters, with a vague plot, non-existent characterization, and semi-passable fight scenes on the side. Of course, this all may still float your boat, but if you prefer to have some *semblance* of coherence in your popcorn flicks then either stick with the campy fun of the original, or skip it altogether.
As an infant Perseus is found by a fisherman floating in a sea-chest alongside his dead mother, and grows up without any knowledge of his origins: that he's actually the son of the god Zeus. Now an adult, Perseus is witness to the death of his foster father, mother and little sister when a group of soldiers from Argos destroy a statue of Zeus and pay the hefty consequences of hubris. For reasons best known to themselves, human beings have decided that ticking off deities is a really good idea, and the Olympian gods respond with releasing an onslaught of monsters in order to increase the prayers that they need to retain their immortality. Why not just call a summit meeting?
Due to this nonsensical state of affairs, Perseus and a group of interchangeable soldiers who exist only as cannon fodder head out on a mission to kill some monsters, accumulate some weapons, and walk across impressive panning shots of the countryside, which will somehow help them defeat the kraken that Hades, Lord of the Underworld, has promised to unleash on Argos if they do not sacrifice Princess Andromeda within ten days. Joining them is Io, an immortal hottie burdened with the terrible curse of being young and beautiful forever, a character that in the original Greek mythology was turned into a cow, tortured by a gadfly, and had nothing whatsoever to do with Perseus. I suppose these days a female isn't considered a worthy love interest unless she tags along with the boys on their adventure, but she never does much to help and her inclusion renders Andromeda's role largely pointless.
They also pick up an eastern-style character who is called a Djinn but which looks like Pinocchio's deformed brother, and a couple of guys who I think are meant to be the comic relief, except that they never actually tell any jokes.
Throughout the running time, the movie seems to want to make some sort of point about humanity and the gods, but it keeps changing its mind on what exactly this point is. The population of Argos is arrogant and sinful for rejecting the gods; but then the gods are petty and corrupt in their dealings with humanity. Zeus gives Hades permission to "set an example" for those who oppose them, but then tries to help Perseus in his god-defying quest to prevent Hades from destroying Argos. Draco (one of Perseus's mates) demands in one scene that Perseus accept Zeus as his father in order to spare the lives of his men, and in the next he says: "I'll smile when I spit in the face of the gods." Io solemnly tells the men the tragic tale of Medusa, who was raped by Poseidon and then cruelly cursed by Athena, which is followed by a scene in which Perseus pep-talks his men outside her lair by telling them to: "kill this bitch." Perseus rejects his godly heritage (though he doesn't pass on the flying horse, immortal girlfriend or built-in demigod powers) and declares to anyone who'll listen that mortality is superior to godhood, even though there's not much evidence of that.
Despite all the railing against the gods and the rah-rah cheerleading for Team Humankind, the movie ends with an odd reestablishing of the pecking order, in which Zeus and Perseus are reconciled, Hades is sent back to Hades and Io is magically resurrected because.... hey, why not? There's some sort of message here, in which the writers desperately want to tell us something about the nature of humanity and its relationship to gods, if only they could figure out what that message was.
It's been a while since I've watched the original
Clash of the Titans, but there's no doubt that it's a superior film to this, even discounting the nostalgia quotient that leaves me with fond memories of its inherent campiness and stop-motion monsters. Not only does it boast finer actors and a more faithful adaptation of the Perseus legend, but it is also nobler in content and theme. There, Perseus was on a heroic quest to save innocent people and win the love of a princess. Here, he's just after vengeance, a far less worthy goal.
Though this remake will undoubtedly be an instant favorite for any 10 to 12 year old boy, they'd be better off getting a slice of cinematic history by watching the last film that featured Ray Harryhausen's stop-action monsters. Speaking of which, there's a throwaway gag in the remake that will have fans of the original film fuming, in which Perseus picks up a mechanical owl and then dismissively chucks it away again. I think it's meant to be a "tribute" of sorts to Harryhausen's Bubo, but it just comes across as mildly insulting.
All of the actors, from Liam Neeson (who seems to be wearing mirror-plated armor) to Ralph Fiennes (once again portraying the much-maligned Hades as a baddie), and Sam Worthington (why does he have a buzz-cut?) to Gemma Artherton (who is always immaculate no matter how dirty her traveling companions get) are on autopilot. I have no doubt they picked up their checks at the doors and scurried onto their next projects without looking back.
If "Clash of the Titans" is not what I would call a good slice of entertainment, it at least will provide plenty of snarky commentary if watched in a group. Perhaps a drinking game could be designed for whenever the mortals complain about the gods and visa versa - though given the writers' insistence on repeating this plot-point at every available opportunity, your liver may not survive the experience.