Customer Reviews

The Cleavers Don't Live Here Anymore: Bringing Hope and Radical Forgiveness to the Bewilderment, Betrayal, and Bitterness of Real Family Life

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God doesn't want you to be a doormat--and forgiveness is MUCH more than just 'sucking it up' or 'forgetting and forgiving'. You may have heard "turn the other cheek" so many times--but as Laurie explains--that scripture is highly misunderstood and had a whole other meaning in Jesus' day. Jesus spoke for forgiveness-but He also spoke of a 'defiance' towards sin and abuse, and 'turning the other cheek' was a way of defying the one who would strike you--and winning back ones' dignity. This book about forgiveness gives a whole new way of looking at real forgiveness, radical forgiveness in a sound, scriptural way. The realities of betrayal and abandonment abused people feel were part of Jesus' pain on the cross- a topic rarely spoken about in the church.

Lauries' experience with her sexually-addicted husband, as well as disappointments and struggles with the Christian advice she often received, have produced a wisdom which is God inspired and gives hope to the hopeless. As the wife of a man addicted to pornography, I know how lies and deception can ruin not only your marriage, but yourself. This book changed my life and gave me back hope-- not a hope based on any certain outcome in my marriage, or my husbands recovery.

I was reminded of the scripture, "Above all else--guard your heart--for it is the wellspring of life." (Proverbs 4:23) I had a wrong idea of what forgiveness is--and I never understood what "tough love" was about.

A good complement to this book is "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend--which dispells the many myths of 'loving' people taking responsibility for each others' actions. I don't believe it sexist to say that women (especially Christian-women) are especially prone to this. The spouses of addicts even more so. May the peace of Jesus be with you."The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Ps. 34:18)

As one chapter subtitle states, "Forgiveness isn't for weanies." If you've been asked to forgive a horrendous violation of trust or abuse, and been battered by the "just get over it" mentality, this book will show you why you can't, and help you get there from here. You can't forgive a wound that hasn't been validated, you just feel guilt for being angry over a wound that people say you shouldn't feel. Some help! Pornography, adultery, incest, these are the gifts that keep on giving, the pain never ends. Tell me how you can survey the devastation to your family and say it doesn't matter? Check out Joseph in the Old Testament with his brothers, after years, he still wails over his losses. To be asked to forgive in lesser ways, through stuffing or suppressing or glossing over, is a sure route to insanity. The cross of Christ establishes the victims right to just compensation. Yet, repentence is the sweetest vengence, while restored relationships just one possible gift of grace. Joseph shrewdly establishes his brothers repentance, and then forgives. Laurie Hall's incredibly funny, real book undoes all the junk we've had laid on us about forgiveness and restoration. I have read this book several times in order to fill my mind with truths that are both powerful to my own healing, and helpful to the restoration of my family.

Reading this book was like getting glasses for the first time. Now I can see the fine print and the big picture all at the same time. Laurie Hall makes hard concepts very practical and she's worked out all of her advice in her own life. Besides, she has a great sense of humor and that helps a lot because this is not a pretty subject. If your marriage and family life is less than ideal, it's never too late to read this great book.

This book is written for Christians who are dealing with significant issues of betrayal and trust in their family lives. The author has included many good points in her book, as other reviewers have commented on. I do want to warn the potential buyer that this is not a quick or easy read. She writes about many difficult concepts relating to forgiveness which take some real time to think over.

Also, I feel that the title and subtitle of this book really don't fit it's contents. The author spends a great deal of space in the book writing about theological, biblical and somewhat ethereal issues dealing with forgiveness and the roles of men and women in marriage; but there was much less practical, hands-on, day-to-day, "real family life" living advice than I expected.

One part of this book that I greatly appreciated was it's emphasis on the need for we "evangelical" or "fundamentalist" Christians to stop playing a role, a part that we think we should fit into, and rather focus on the true internal character of our hearts. She also differentiates between falsely judging someone (that is God's job, alone) and serving as someone who helps someone else overcome their sin. She points out that, since our churches suffer from as much overt decay as our society (as seen in our divorce rates and porn-use rates), we need to realize that there is something drastically wrong in our church society.

I recommend this book for anyone who has the time to devote to this deep subject of forgiveness. I highly recommend this author's first book, An Affair of the Mind.

If pornography addiction has effected or devastated your life, the healing power of forgiveness is what is needed. This book will change your life drastically. Be prepared to experience an emotional and spiritual renewal.

This book is all over the map. Have you ever read 200 pages and still not known what the main point of the book is? If you enjoy such experiences, this one's for you.