Climbing Mountains in Stilettos is your rulebook for throwing prim, proper and powerless out the window and letting your inner bad girl take the world by storm. It's a trail guide to a new you for women who are sick and tired of the worn out paths tread by good gilrs in flats and want to live by their own rules. What is a Bad Girl exactly? Well, she's not what the movie titles and song lyrics say she is. You know what we're talking about, don't you? Bad girls in movies and songs are prostitutes. And we sure as hell aren't going to teach you how to be prostitutes. We'd like to take this phrase and put a positive spin on it. After all, bad boys conjures up a positive image for most of us. It doesn't refer to gigolos; it refers to guys who are fun, adventurous, and usually devilishly handsome. Sure, these boys might get into a little trouble but it's usually not illegal. We all love a bad boy, don't we? With inspiration from the baddest bad girls past and present and great advice from women who've been there, Climbing Mountains in Stilettos will help you banish your fear of heights, get in touch with your better and badder side and conquer life's trails in your favorite pair of heels-practical or not.
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Editorial Reviews
About the Author
Ann Tinkham is a writer based in Boulder, Colorado. She has written over thirty online courses in subjects ranging from emergency preparedness to energetic healing and is currently work on a novel, Analyzing Abbey. Her fiction has appeared in Hiss Quarterly, Lily, MotherVerse, Stone Table Review, Syntax, Thirst for Fire, Toasted Cheese, and Wild Violet. In addition to writing, Ann has talked her way out of an abduction and talked her way into the halls of the United Nations. She hitchhiked up a mountain in Switzerland, and worked her way down the corporate ladder. Ann has flown on a trapeze, traded on the black market in Russia, cycled up steep canyons, hiked to glacial lakes and mountain peaks, and blazed her own ski trails. Carol Brunelli, a Boston native and Boulder, Colorado transplant, is a writer, dancer and college administrator. She s written four books on US presidents for Child s World, and made her Hollywood debut in Lasse Hallstrom s film, Once Around. Carol also speaks Spanish Madrileño style, writes for kids, and gets her groove on in the dance studio and in her living room. She is at home in the foothills and the concrete jungle, and enjoys rambling walks in Boulder s open space. She s survived near-death experiences in the backcountry as well as Contra attacks in Nicaragua, and is lucky in love. Her advice for making love last is: once you get a foothold, secure your rope and hold on tight.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Trail #4: Yellow Brick Road
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
-Mae West
About This Trail: You're not in Kansas anymore. Dorothy navigated through a land of broomstick-riding witches, munchkins, flying monkeys, and talking scarecrows to reach the Emerald City and transform her life. Her drive to reach this far-flung, verdant city was to seek help to get back home. Follow the Yellow Brick Road and find your way back home to your dazzling bad girl self.
Duration: It's up to you. The Yellow Brick Road stretches from Munchkin land all the way to the Emerald City and Dorothy walked it in less than a day. How long will it take you to let go of the myths that keep you in a strange, inhospitable land?
Distance: This trail takes only three steps: First, you slay the Wicked Witch of Good Girlhood. Second, you steal her stilettos; and then you click your stiletto heels three times and go home!
Difficulty: While Dorothy started out as a damsel in distress, she rapidly learned to form alliances with individuals who wished to help and protect her. Find your allies, and you'll easily skip ahead.
Backpack Essentials: Choose footwear that will empower you, friends who will accompany you, and an attitude that'll keep all things wicked at bay.
What to Leave Behind: A distorted view of reality. Remember that the Wizard of Oz was just a cowardly man and the Emerald City's lush green hue was created by special glasses. See through the illusion of good girl myths. Only then will "the dreams that you dare to dream" come true.
Early Pitfalls: Fields of sleep-inducing poppies and other seductive distractions that take your focus away from your end goal.
Trail Tip: By helping others on this journey, you'll also help yourself. Join forces with women who need your encouragement, have lost their heart, or who doubt their abilities, and follow the Yellow Brick Road together.
At the Trail's End: Living by myths will turn your life into a fairy tale. On this trail you'll learn that by dispelling myths you can live your life instead of Snow White's or Sleeping Beauty's. It will enable you to wake up without a kiss from a prince.
Think about all the pale, depressed maidens who fainted, waited to be kissed by a prince, sought rescue from a castle window, or were fitted for a missing glass slipper. What exactly were these ladies-in-waiting waiting for? Were they so fragile and incompetent that they couldn't get on with life until a man in tights appeared?
What is responsible for the good girl takeover? How is it that a girl can go from a powerful, playful, self-confident person to a shadow of her former self-from a tomboy to a lady-in-waiting? Perhaps it is all the myths, assumptions, and stereotypes that operate in our society and seep into our subconscious, despite our attempts to overcome them.
Although bad girls are influenced by the same assumptions, rules, and myths as good girls, bad girls question and challenge them. Where do you stumble and fall, and how do you regain your footing?
[a hed] Love
Freefall #1: You're going to meet Prince Charming, fall in love, and live happily ever after.
Catch Yourself: We all know that this probably won't happen, but deep down this is what we expect and hope for. And if it doesn't happen, we believe something is wrong with us-that we're defective somehow. Prince Charming is fine if you want to be locked up in a tower of faulty expectations. Prince Charming, if he ever did exist, was probably overbearing, controlling, and unenlightened. But this is the twenty-first century. We don't live in castles. And princes and princesses get divorced. Consider Lady Di. Her fairy-tale wedding to a prince turned into a troubled marriage, a disturbed life, and a tragic ending.
Regain Your Footing: Look for someone who is real.
Freefall #2: You should wait patiently for a marriage proposal from your boyfriend. Someday it will come . . .
Catch Yourself: If your relationship is stalled in the slow lane, move it into the fast lane by letting your boyfriend know where you stand. Propose to him or give him an ultimatum. If he wants to be with you, he will step up to the plate. Some men have to be catapulted into manhood by their girlfriends. They'll thank you later. They may be freaked out at first, but they'll get used to their new role. In other words, they'll get over it. If they can't get over it, it means there's no future there.
Regain Your Footing: If your partner loves you, he will take action. If not, the sooner you know he's not in it for the long run, the better.
Freefall #3: If you play hard to get, you'll get the man.
Catch Yourself: Let's put this age-old myth to rest. The truth is, you might not get the man even if you play hard to get. Keeping a man at arm's length when you'd rather be in his arms is totally unfulfilling. You waste time, lose spontaneity, and wind up a lady-in-waiting. Plus, you give all your power to the guy. Eventually, you'll grow to resent this. If there's something between you and him, it doesn't matter who pursues whom. Men who claim that they need the chase will probably move on once they catch you anyway. If they say it's that way in the animal kingdom, tell them to get lost in the jungle!
Regain Your Footing: If you're interested in a man, the sooner you let him know, the better. That way, you can quickly figure out if there's any potential for a relationship, and, if not, you can move on.
Freefall #4: You have to be perfect to find a mate.
Catch Yourself: Actually, you can be striking it rich or living on unemployment, on the way up or on the way down, lucky in love or down on your luck, in shape or out of shape, totally together or coming unhinged, lost or found, on or off your spiritual path, on or off Prozac, on or off your rocker, or on or off the wagon and still find a mate. Ann has a friend who was completely broke and struggling with depression when she met her future husband. So far, they're living happily ever after.
Regain Your Footing: Do yourself a favor and drop the perfectionism trip. It is a thankless and lonely journey. You can find a mate in any state.
Freefall #5: You have to have a man to be complete.
Catch Yourself: First of all, lesbians and some intentionally single women do just fine without a man. So let's just rethink this whole "complete" business. Rather than looking outside for your better half, look inward. If you feel as if you are incomplete or missing something, you will most likely find it within yourself. When you do look for a partner, search for someone who enhances or inspires you-not someone to complete you. In fact, if you believe you are incomplete and look for the missing puzzle piece, you will likely drive away potential partners. They will detect your frantic search mission and be turned off by your desperate attempts to make yourself whole.
Regain Your Footing: If you look for someone to make you whole, you'll probably attract a "project" or a fixer-upper. When it comes to intimate relationships, two halves don't make a whole.
Freefall #6: You can't make it without a man.
Catch Yourself: You wanna bet? Look around and you'll see plenty of women thriving professionally, financially, personally, emotionally, and spiritually without a man. In fact, it's better to be alone than to be with a man who drains and depletes you. If your partner isn't helping make you the best you can be, he isn't the right choice.
Regain Your Footing: You can find the match to your own glass slipper.
[a hed] Sex
Freefall #1: You shouldn't be promiscuous.
Catch Yourself: Actually, exploring your sexuality in a safe and healthy way is a good thing. You can discover what works best for you and be ready to ask for that in any sexual encounter. If you take control of your sexuality, it won't take control of you. And it could help you avoid relationship landmines. In the end, you will probably make wiser relationship choices if your libido is not in charge. Ann has a friend who just ended a bad ten-year marriage who said this about her husband: "He was gorgeous and I should have screwed his brains out three times. Instead, I married him and paid for my bad decision for over a decade."
Regain Your Footing: Women need one-night stands too. (But remember, wrap him up in latex to keep away those infectious STDs!)
Freefall #2: Women have more trouble getting off than men do.
Catch Yourself: While the orgasmic success rate for women may be lower than men, most men over eighteen are not the sexual machines they claim to be. There are plenty of low performers who can't get aroused when they're tired or stressed or when they're feeling blue. There are even a few who can't get turned on at all because they think that sex is dirty. Worse yet, we know of men who let their emotions get in the way . . . sound familiar?
Regain Your Footing: Your libido ebbs and flows and so does your partner's.
Freefall #3: A woman's sexual behavior places her in one of two categories: virgin or whore.
Catch Yourself: Virgin. Whore. Virgin. Whore. If you had to pick one to describe yourself, which would it be? The correct answer is neither. These were the two choices available to women for centuries: be chaste, virtuous, innocent, and untouched, or let your libido loose and suffer the fate of the outcast.
The bad girl is neither wildly promiscuous nor woefully repressed. She's rewriting history. She doesn't publicly declare her virginity, nor does she apologize for having a string of past lovers. And she doesn't treat sex like taxes-either it's withheld or she pays up.
Regain Your Footing: Don't let your sexual behavior define you; you are a multifaceted woman.
Freefall #4: You have to be in love to enjoy sex.
Catch Yourself: Many women (but very few men) equate love with great sex. The truth is, love and lust don't always come in the same package. Most of us have male friends we love dearly, but we'd never sleep with them. And we've all lusted after men we hardly knew. Even happily married couples have a hard time maintaining the passion that first brought them t...
I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
-Mae West
About This Trail: You're not in Kansas anymore. Dorothy navigated through a land of broomstick-riding witches, munchkins, flying monkeys, and talking scarecrows to reach the Emerald City and transform her life. Her drive to reach this far-flung, verdant city was to seek help to get back home. Follow the Yellow Brick Road and find your way back home to your dazzling bad girl self.
Duration: It's up to you. The Yellow Brick Road stretches from Munchkin land all the way to the Emerald City and Dorothy walked it in less than a day. How long will it take you to let go of the myths that keep you in a strange, inhospitable land?
Distance: This trail takes only three steps: First, you slay the Wicked Witch of Good Girlhood. Second, you steal her stilettos; and then you click your stiletto heels three times and go home!
Difficulty: While Dorothy started out as a damsel in distress, she rapidly learned to form alliances with individuals who wished to help and protect her. Find your allies, and you'll easily skip ahead.
Backpack Essentials: Choose footwear that will empower you, friends who will accompany you, and an attitude that'll keep all things wicked at bay.
What to Leave Behind: A distorted view of reality. Remember that the Wizard of Oz was just a cowardly man and the Emerald City's lush green hue was created by special glasses. See through the illusion of good girl myths. Only then will "the dreams that you dare to dream" come true.
Early Pitfalls: Fields of sleep-inducing poppies and other seductive distractions that take your focus away from your end goal.
Trail Tip: By helping others on this journey, you'll also help yourself. Join forces with women who need your encouragement, have lost their heart, or who doubt their abilities, and follow the Yellow Brick Road together.
At the Trail's End: Living by myths will turn your life into a fairy tale. On this trail you'll learn that by dispelling myths you can live your life instead of Snow White's or Sleeping Beauty's. It will enable you to wake up without a kiss from a prince.
Think about all the pale, depressed maidens who fainted, waited to be kissed by a prince, sought rescue from a castle window, or were fitted for a missing glass slipper. What exactly were these ladies-in-waiting waiting for? Were they so fragile and incompetent that they couldn't get on with life until a man in tights appeared?
What is responsible for the good girl takeover? How is it that a girl can go from a powerful, playful, self-confident person to a shadow of her former self-from a tomboy to a lady-in-waiting? Perhaps it is all the myths, assumptions, and stereotypes that operate in our society and seep into our subconscious, despite our attempts to overcome them.
Although bad girls are influenced by the same assumptions, rules, and myths as good girls, bad girls question and challenge them. Where do you stumble and fall, and how do you regain your footing?
[a hed] Love
Freefall #1: You're going to meet Prince Charming, fall in love, and live happily ever after.
Catch Yourself: We all know that this probably won't happen, but deep down this is what we expect and hope for. And if it doesn't happen, we believe something is wrong with us-that we're defective somehow. Prince Charming is fine if you want to be locked up in a tower of faulty expectations. Prince Charming, if he ever did exist, was probably overbearing, controlling, and unenlightened. But this is the twenty-first century. We don't live in castles. And princes and princesses get divorced. Consider Lady Di. Her fairy-tale wedding to a prince turned into a troubled marriage, a disturbed life, and a tragic ending.
Regain Your Footing: Look for someone who is real.
Freefall #2: You should wait patiently for a marriage proposal from your boyfriend. Someday it will come . . .
Catch Yourself: If your relationship is stalled in the slow lane, move it into the fast lane by letting your boyfriend know where you stand. Propose to him or give him an ultimatum. If he wants to be with you, he will step up to the plate. Some men have to be catapulted into manhood by their girlfriends. They'll thank you later. They may be freaked out at first, but they'll get used to their new role. In other words, they'll get over it. If they can't get over it, it means there's no future there.
Regain Your Footing: If your partner loves you, he will take action. If not, the sooner you know he's not in it for the long run, the better.
Freefall #3: If you play hard to get, you'll get the man.
Catch Yourself: Let's put this age-old myth to rest. The truth is, you might not get the man even if you play hard to get. Keeping a man at arm's length when you'd rather be in his arms is totally unfulfilling. You waste time, lose spontaneity, and wind up a lady-in-waiting. Plus, you give all your power to the guy. Eventually, you'll grow to resent this. If there's something between you and him, it doesn't matter who pursues whom. Men who claim that they need the chase will probably move on once they catch you anyway. If they say it's that way in the animal kingdom, tell them to get lost in the jungle!
Regain Your Footing: If you're interested in a man, the sooner you let him know, the better. That way, you can quickly figure out if there's any potential for a relationship, and, if not, you can move on.
Freefall #4: You have to be perfect to find a mate.
Catch Yourself: Actually, you can be striking it rich or living on unemployment, on the way up or on the way down, lucky in love or down on your luck, in shape or out of shape, totally together or coming unhinged, lost or found, on or off your spiritual path, on or off Prozac, on or off your rocker, or on or off the wagon and still find a mate. Ann has a friend who was completely broke and struggling with depression when she met her future husband. So far, they're living happily ever after.
Regain Your Footing: Do yourself a favor and drop the perfectionism trip. It is a thankless and lonely journey. You can find a mate in any state.
Freefall #5: You have to have a man to be complete.
Catch Yourself: First of all, lesbians and some intentionally single women do just fine without a man. So let's just rethink this whole "complete" business. Rather than looking outside for your better half, look inward. If you feel as if you are incomplete or missing something, you will most likely find it within yourself. When you do look for a partner, search for someone who enhances or inspires you-not someone to complete you. In fact, if you believe you are incomplete and look for the missing puzzle piece, you will likely drive away potential partners. They will detect your frantic search mission and be turned off by your desperate attempts to make yourself whole.
Regain Your Footing: If you look for someone to make you whole, you'll probably attract a "project" or a fixer-upper. When it comes to intimate relationships, two halves don't make a whole.
Freefall #6: You can't make it without a man.
Catch Yourself: You wanna bet? Look around and you'll see plenty of women thriving professionally, financially, personally, emotionally, and spiritually without a man. In fact, it's better to be alone than to be with a man who drains and depletes you. If your partner isn't helping make you the best you can be, he isn't the right choice.
Regain Your Footing: You can find the match to your own glass slipper.
[a hed] Sex
Freefall #1: You shouldn't be promiscuous.
Catch Yourself: Actually, exploring your sexuality in a safe and healthy way is a good thing. You can discover what works best for you and be ready to ask for that in any sexual encounter. If you take control of your sexuality, it won't take control of you. And it could help you avoid relationship landmines. In the end, you will probably make wiser relationship choices if your libido is not in charge. Ann has a friend who just ended a bad ten-year marriage who said this about her husband: "He was gorgeous and I should have screwed his brains out three times. Instead, I married him and paid for my bad decision for over a decade."
Regain Your Footing: Women need one-night stands too. (But remember, wrap him up in latex to keep away those infectious STDs!)
Freefall #2: Women have more trouble getting off than men do.
Catch Yourself: While the orgasmic success rate for women may be lower than men, most men over eighteen are not the sexual machines they claim to be. There are plenty of low performers who can't get aroused when they're tired or stressed or when they're feeling blue. There are even a few who can't get turned on at all because they think that sex is dirty. Worse yet, we know of men who let their emotions get in the way . . . sound familiar?
Regain Your Footing: Your libido ebbs and flows and so does your partner's.
Freefall #3: A woman's sexual behavior places her in one of two categories: virgin or whore.
Catch Yourself: Virgin. Whore. Virgin. Whore. If you had to pick one to describe yourself, which would it be? The correct answer is neither. These were the two choices available to women for centuries: be chaste, virtuous, innocent, and untouched, or let your libido loose and suffer the fate of the outcast.
The bad girl is neither wildly promiscuous nor woefully repressed. She's rewriting history. She doesn't publicly declare her virginity, nor does she apologize for having a string of past lovers. And she doesn't treat sex like taxes-either it's withheld or she pays up.
Regain Your Footing: Don't let your sexual behavior define you; you are a multifaceted woman.
Freefall #4: You have to be in love to enjoy sex.
Catch Yourself: Many women (but very few men) equate love with great sex. The truth is, love and lust don't always come in the same package. Most of us have male friends we love dearly, but we'd never sleep with them. And we've all lusted after men we hardly knew. Even happily married couples have a hard time maintaining the passion that first brought them t...
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Smooth and sassy, like a good martini,
This review is from: Climbing Mountains in Stilettos: Not Your Average Trail Guide to Life (Paperback)
I enjoyed this book -- it's a very light read, perfect for the bathtub or the beach, but it left me with some real challenges and reflections for life. Ann and Carol's tone is witty and crisp; they balance snappy humor with genuine inspiration, without being cheesy. I went into the book thinking I already was a bad girl, but the chapters on sabotaging self-esteem and managing finances forced me to take a long, hard look at myself. Thanks to Ann and Carol for not being afraid of either "F" words (feminism and femininity).
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
High-altitude attitude,
This review is from: Climbing Mountains in Stilettos: Not Your Average Trail Guide to Life (Paperback)
Climbing Mountains in Stilettos is a hoot! I know it's targeted to 20- and 30-something women, but even a 40-something 1970s-era feminist like me discovered truth and hilarity--and I learned some new, interesting facts about sassy women throughout history.
The book's quizzes are fun, and they really illustrate how you rank on the "bad girl" scale. By the way, if you're thinking that the kind of bad girl the authors are writing about are lost, self-destructive women such as Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan, think again. This book encourages strong women--the kind who take care of themselves and navigate by their own compass to chart a course through a healthy, exhilarating, fulfilled life. You won't ever catch me wearing stilettos--oh my poor feet!--but the book inspires me to strap on some stiletto attitude (self-assured and sexy)! The book is fun, and its message about female empowerment is perfect for women of any age!
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Be inspired out of your comfort zone,
By
This review is from: Climbing Mountains in Stilettos: Not Your Average Trail Guide to Life (Paperback)
Remember the fearless girl you used to be or wanted to be--the one who always got what she went for? Climbing Mountains in Stilettos gives you a hands-on plan to get it in all areas of your life, and sprinkles in stories about women who found their passions and knew there was nothing impolite about being true to yourself. It's a fun, sassy book that totally inspired me out of my old comfort zone. Try it. You'll love it.
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