I Closed My Eyes: Revelations of a Battered Woman [Paperback]

Michele Weldon (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 19, 1999

Michele Weldon has created a tender hopeful and revealing look at someone who finds herself trapped in a physically and emotionally abusive marriage. Why so many women stay so long is the common thread that runs through all abusive relationships, no matter how destitute or well-off the victim is. Many women will recognize the fierce devotion to family that bound Weldon to the man she married, and they will likewise find inspiration in her journey to reclaim the future for herself and her children

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In a memoir that powerfully discredits the stereotype that spousal battering is limited to a particular economic or social class and is drug- or alcohol-related, Weldon, a successful journalist, also belies the notion that someone who has had a happy childhood cannot be brutalized. Weldon's unnamed husband grew up, as did she, in an Irish-Catholic middle-class environment. He became an attractive, charming and well-paid Chicago attorney, a catch who elicited the envy of Weldon's female friends. In part because the marriage looked so good from the outside, and because she loved her husband and did not want to deprive her three sons of their father, Weldon could not accept that he would not stop beating her, despite years of joint counseling and his eloquent apologies. She finally broke her silence nine years into their marriage by screaming aloud one night when her husband attacked her at her in-laws' house. Her account of how she obtained an emergency order of protection, sought therapy for her sons and underwent the expensive and lengthy process of obtaining a divorce conveys how difficult it is for a woman to leave an abusive relationship, even when she has a supportive family and significant economic resources. Unable to truly forgive her ex-husband for his abuse and the legal battles that he subsequently instigated, Weldon has finally forgiven herself for staying in a terrible marriage. This gripping personal story will be helpful to anyone who wishes to understand domestic abuse; Weldon's most important message to battered women is to bring the violence out of the closet. (Oct.)
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

Chicago Tribune reporter Weldon (journalism, Northwestern Univ.) skillfully retells an old story about living with and surviving a physically abusive husband. Her tale shatters stereotypes about domestic violence, showing, for instance, that it permeates all classes and educational levels. Likewise, by exploring her happy memories as the child of loving, nurturing parents, she challenges the assumption that battered women seek the battering relationships they knew in their childhood. Weldon begins each chapter with a love letter from her husband that is deeply paradoxical to the abuse she subsequently reveals. Then, in finely honed prose, she takes readers from the early days of their romance to shortly before their separation. Uplifting and self-affirming, this is recommended for all public libraries.APaula N. Arnold, Boston Coll.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 262 pages
• Publisher: Hazelden Publishing (August 19, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 156838341X
• ISBN-13: 978-1568383415
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.4 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (22 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #179,709 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #76 in Books > Politics & Social Sciences > Women's Studies > Women Writers

More About the Author

Michele Weldon was born June 5, 1958, the youngest of six in less than eight years. She inherited the "Juvenile Journal" from her older sister Madeleine, a publishing empire of monthly mimeographed newsletters sent to 50 relatives for 50 cents a year.

A journalist for newspapers and magazines since she was 13 years old, Weldon has written thousands of articles and columns. Her first book, "I Closed My Eyes" (Hazelden, 1999)has been translated into seven languages and prompts up to 20 letters per month from readers around the world. Her second book,"Writing to Save Your Life" (Hazelden, 2001) is a prescriptive book on the power of expressive, personal writing, that has been the source of Weldon's writing workshops for the last eight years.

"Everyman News" (University of Missouri,2008) examines the trends in modern journalism and recently won the nonfiction book first place award from the National Federation of Press Women. Weldon recently completed a fourth book, a nonfiction memoir about raising her three sons alone while struggling with cancer and working her up tenure track.She is an assistant professor at the Medill School of Journalism, Northwestern University, and writes for newspapers,magazines and websites.

She contributed an essay to the 2011 book, "This I Believe on Fatherhood," (Wiley & Sons) and read it on NPR and was interviewed on the topic by Bob Edwards. Other chapters she has written for anthologies include "21st Century Communication: A Reference Handbook," (2009) and "Conversations with Joyce Carol Oates" (University of Missisippi Press,1989)and "Belly Laughs & Babies (Laughing Stork Press, 1997).

In her spare time, she watches her sons wrestle. Keep updated on it all at her multimedia site, www.wrestlingmom.net and post a comment if you feel inclined. You can see all of her writing, speaking engagements and other journalistic work at www.micheleweldon.com

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

22 of 24 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An enlightening journey from the dark side, April 23, 2001

By 

Busy Mom (Ohio) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (TOP 1000 REVIEWER)   

This review is from: I Closed My Eyes: Revelations of a Battered Woman (Paperback)

I was in a search for a different book when I saw this one in my favorite bookstore. I wasn't going to pick it up ~~ but when I started reading the first paragraph, I couldn't put it down. Weldon's writing is gripping, brutally honest and so true ~~ and it hit home so close to the dark secrets in your heart.

I wasn't in an abusive relationship/marriage for very long but reading this book helps reaffirm my decision to leave my husband ~~ she writes of how bad things were before she finally decided to leave. I left before it got worse and before there were innocent children involved. And after reading this book, I am glad that I left as soon as I did.

It is encouraging to read about one woman's trials, fears as it helped me realize that I am not the only one. I too came from a loving stable family ~~ my relationship with my dad mirrors Weldon's. We both love our fathers deeply and they are good men. We both searched for men like our fathers and in the process, got hurt. Weldon's reasons for staying in the marriage mirrors mine. We didn't stay because of low self-esteem, but because we believed in our husbands and encouraged them to be the men we thought we knew they could be. We stayed till there were no reasons left to stay. We can still say to this day that we did everything we could to make our marriages work. We are not failures even though we may feel like that.

As for me, seeing the struggles she had with her three sons hit home. I wanted to have children, but something deep inside me told me to wait. I am so glad that I listened to this inner voice because I cannot imagine how much harder it would be for me to leave if I had children with my husband. Reading about Weldon's struggles reaffirmed my decisions to wait. I find myself saying about her husband ~~ what a jerk!

If you or anyone you know is in an abusive relationship, I urge you to pick up this book. Though in the midsts of struggles, where you feel the deepest and darkest despairs and fears, there is a glimmer of hope that life will get better. It does ~~ even if it means changing your whole life to escape from the batterer. But once you're outside and "free" you will begin to heal though the scars will always be there. Picking up this book is such a uplifter for me ~~ knowing that I am not the only one who struggled with domestic violence. I also know that I am not alone in my fears and despair. I, who is a professional worker and from a good family, am not the failure. He is. He can change himself but I can't. When I left him, I did feel a sense of relief. There's no more worrying and fears of what he might do next. It's a hard long road leaving someone you love, but when one comes to the realization that he will never change, there's a freedom in knowing that you still have your life left. And thanks to Weldon, I now know that I am not alone in this struggle.

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read For All Women, February 3, 2000

By 

"joycelips" - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Closed My Eyes: Revelations of a Battered Woman (Paperback)

Michele Weldon does an amazing job of grabbing the reader with her story. It takes an incredible amount of courage to tell the world that your picture perfect life and marriage was a charade -- that you were abused for years by a man who appeared to be "the loving husband." What really touched me most was the ability I felt to relate to the author, as the life she describes is not too far from my own real-life experience.

Warning for those of you are presently in an abusive relationship or recently leaving one -- this is so well-written and hits so close to home that it may trigger flashbacks. Nevertheless, it is a must-read for not just victims of domestic violence, but for all women.

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A well-written book by a strong woman, November 26, 1999

By 

"valchaii" - See all my reviews

This review is from: I Closed My Eyes: Revelations of a Battered Woman (Paperback)

Overall, this book is very well written, and it is an important book in terms of understanding domestic violence because it is true. I read this right after reading Black & Blue by Anna Quindlen, and I have to say that this was much better -- the writing was more vibrant and, although I don't know what it's like to be in an abusive relationship, it seemed more real -- her fear was so much more real than Frannie's fear in Black & Blue -- Frannie who moved away and seemed to forget so quickly about the intense fear she had felt for so long. Michele's account is so honest and compelling, so much so that you feel you're there with her painting the walls and going to Sarah's Inn, realizing that the fear doesn't just go away and that it takes an awful lot of work to feel comfortable in yourself again.

Toward the end of the book her writing focused more on what she was thinking than what was happening, and at times I wanted to know more about what was happening -- on the one hand, I applaud Michele for moving on and discussing what was going on in her mind and life -- but on the other hand, and I hate to admit this, I wanted to know more about the ex and what was going on with him. I continually felt shock and anger after hearing about his abusive acts, and in a way I wanted to hold onto that anger a little bit more, although I think that overall, it probably was better for this book to end on the more positive note.

I loved the way each chapter started with a letter from him. The only thing that frustrated me, though, was that the letters seemed like such a huge red flag -- I thought the guy sounded pretty screwey right from the start, when he seemed to want to cut her off from her family and have her all to himself -- his words in the letters seemed so calculated -- like he read a book about how to cast a spell over women and make them powerless to resist his manly charms, and he wrote these letters with that in mind. I think the letters are there to show a contrast between these supposedly beautiful things he said and how horribly he acted, but I really think that the letters are just creepy. I can understand, though, how easy it is to get caught up in a new relationship with a slick, attractive man, and how easy it is to brush aside any concerns that maybe he's not as wonderful as he seems at first glance.

Concerns aside, this is a wonderful book. I read it over the course of one evening and the next day -- I read all day, hardly stopping at all, because I got so sucked into this book I really couldn't put it down. And when I finally did, I wasn't depressed -- I felt good.