Customer Reviews

Fresh Whole Rabbit

5 star:		(52)
4 star:		(15)
3 star:		(15)
2 star:		(10)
1 star:		(19)

 

 

Like many suburban homeowners, I like to kill and eat the wild animals that populate my backyard. To keep it sporting, I hunt naked, with my teeth and long sharpened fingernails as my only weapons. I've feasted on squirrel, raccoon, vole and numerous songbirds. But no matter how long I lay spread eagle and motionless in the hot noonday sun, I have never been able to outwit and catch any of the plump and juicy rabbits that hop just outside my reach and then bolt for the woods when I leap forward with a blood-curdling shriek. I have chased them at a dead run through the yards of the many unoccupied homes that surround mine but the pursuit always ends in frustration. But no more, thanks to Amazon. Every week, I order a fresh whole rabbit and affix it to a remote control car that is operated by one of my children. This way, I get the thrill of the hunt, and when the car's batteries are exhausted, I can leap upon it, bury my teeth into the rabbit's soft flesh and perform my ritual victory dance right there in the Walgreen's parking lot.

I ordered one of these Fresh "Whole" Rabbits, but when it arrived its head, fur and insides were missing. Not exactly whole, I'd say! Maybe it was just damaged during shipping, but I won't be buying another one. I mean - without the long ears, how do I know it even WAS a rabbit? It was the same size and shape as a cat...not that I've seen a cat with its head, fur and insides missing. I mean, not like really close or anything.

On the plus side, it was delicious with a tall, cold glass of Tuscan Milk, so I give it three stars. That's three WHOLE stars, BTW.

How many weekends have I spent, in the loincloth, knife clenched in my teeth, running through the fields trying to find a rabbit? (A bunch, trust me on this, a bunch.) All so I can have something to sacrifice on the altar once I get to the cave.

Now, with this, home, fix a cocktail, go through the day's mail, finish my drink and drive over to the cave, yank this carcass out of the box and offer this at the feet of my dark lord and master, boom, done. I'm happy, my dark lord and master is happy, everybody wins.

What a time saver.

The twick is not so much to catch the wabbit, the twick is to ho'd the wabbit. Wight awm nestoled awound the neck, elbow beneath the chin, hand cwenching the back of the wodent's head. Weft awm fiwmwy wapped awound the wabbit's waist, ho'ding the body tight to yow body. And, quickwy, in one viowent twist, you snap the neck.

Sometimes the wabbit will fwop a widdle on the gwound. You may not have pwopewly sevewed the spinal chord. This is a weal tweat, as a wiving and fuwy mobile wabbit can be dangewous, wascally even: a wiving wabbit with a bwoken neck is hawmless so wong as you stay away fwum the teeth. When I see a wabbit fwopping on the gwound, I wift my widdle boot and cwush its tiny widdle cwanium.

Then the wabbit is quiet. Vewy vewy quiet.

Huhuhuhuhuhu!

I ordered two of these "fresh, whole rabbits" because I thought they would make excellent pets for my kids. Imagine our shock, horror, and disgust when they arrived dead and mutilated. Someone had killed the rabbits, skinned and gutted them, and even cut off their ears!

I have ordered a second pair of rabbits, because I can't believe whatever horrible accident befell the first pair could possibly happen again.

P.S.: I rated this two stars instead of only one, because we decided to eat the rabbits and they were tasty when sauteed with butter and onions, just like chicken or cat.

For the love of all that is decent, do NOT choose the "Buy It Used" option. Just trust me on this one.

(Written from my hospital bed)

I used to scour the supermarkets, butcher shops, and even farmers markets to buy my whole animals for the evening feast, but when I came across this spectacular cut of fresh rabbit on the internet, I could not resist. I salivated for hours, staring at its slightly discolored flesh while I counted the ways in which I could create such a sumptuous feast. I thought back to reruns of old Bugs Bunny cartoons in which Elmer Fudd and the other various antagonizers dreamed up ways in which to serve a delicious juicy rabbit.

I quickly ordered one as fast as I could and when it arrived, there it was, complete within its vacuum packed container, my little bunny rabbit. I immediately threw everything off the kitchen counter, grabbed my copy of "The Joy of Cooking", no wait...."Mastering The Art of French Cooking" by Julia Child and got to work on my delicious supper. Several long laborious hours later, I enjoyed a tasty and delicious Rabbit Stew Bernaise using the entire rabbit, sparing no leftovers so that nobody would be able to taste its sweet juicy goodness except for myself and myself alone. Paired with a tall white glass of Tuscan Whole Milk, my supper was a sumptuous feast that I will cherish for years to come.

Smeagol was out creepin before the fat hobbitses woke up when he decided to search amazon for discounts on raw fish, as I detest the filthy hobbits's lombus bread. Smeagol was [GOLEM GOLEM GOLEM] thrilled when he discoveredses the rabbit meatses. Being at the low price of 43.50, smeagol was worriesed about the quality of the meat, so he decided to compare it to some rabbitses he caught himself. First off, ordering the fresh whole rabbitses saved smeagol the hassle of finding rabbitses. We also founds that we could avoids the process of snapping their necks, as well as skinning them. In terms of flavor, the fresh whole rabbit was every bit as fresh as the rabbit smeagol found him self. It is to be noted, however, that the first rabbit smeagol found had been rotting for several days. The only problem Smeagol found with the fresh whole rabbitses is [GOLEM GOLEM GOLEM] that Smeagol had less variety to choose from. We are accustom to young and tender rabbitses, where as this whole rabbit was deffinately of a riper age. And after this, the fat hobbitses awakes and tells me he wants potatoes. POTATOES. BOIL EM MASH EM STICK EM IN A STEW. precious precious [GOLEM]

My five year old daughter loved this Easter present. She played with it for hours. I'd recommend this to anyone who is struggling to think of a suitable gift for Easter

I was sent a live rabbit, a hammer and a skinning knife. It doesn't get fresher than this, folks.