Customer Reviews

Co-Dependence - Healing the Human Condition

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I am a practicing psychotherapist. Although this book is old (1991), I still find it is one of the best summaries of "wounded child" paradigm; I use it often to educate clients on why they act and feel the way they do. Yes, this whole way of viewing dysfunction has its limits (they think everyone in the world is suffering from unhealed wounds of the child, and they use the term 'co-dependent' for everything under the sun). But this book is also surprisingly well-edited, tight, and to the point, much less "fluffy" than much of the "recovery" literature. It strikes a good balance between accessibility and depth. I especially like some of Whitfield's diagrams, which wonderfully illustrate the difficult stages of recovery from abuse.

By the tiume you get to page 109 you will be depressed. The author so clearly explains how the wounding process takes place and what it's effects are. Although you should get angry and avoid most people from your family for a while. Eventually it is tremendously liberating and is a guide leading us off the path that other people have dictated to us. Shows us how to find our True self. That is exciting and can make one's life more worthwhile.

This book has good technical information. It was a
little sterile but lots of good information. When
reading about this topic I would suggest the other
authors first and use this after you know about
what exactly codependency is.

Or if you are really analytical and use that side of
your brain first this might be the book for you. It
just was not as easy to understand as some of the
authors I have read on this topic.

Coda member for 8 years, I know about this topic.

Frankly, I'm surprised there are so few reviews of what is still the single most theory-grounded, comprehensive and predictive of all the many books on the topic during the '80s and '90s. Whitfield had done his homework, and it shows. He's pretty solidly grounded in psychodynamic object relations (though, oddly, Harry Stack Sullivan is missing; go figure), as well as state-of-the-art addiction theory c. 1990. His reference list makes that clear, and serves present day readers as a pretty complete rundown of the major published material in the rubric's first heyday.

Which is useful, as it looks like Co-Dependence as a means of understanding why our interpersonal relationships aren't working is making a comeback, as well as beginning to be the "next thing you do" if you're a female in AA or Alanon.

Whitfield ties it all together for adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families =as= co-dependents far better than either of CoDA's or ACA's 12 Step "big books" (as good as both of them are).

That said, =Co-Dependence...= is a product of it's times, which almost means "ancient history" in the current era of the evidence-based and brain-scan-informed neuropsychological therapies like CBT, DBT, ACT, MBCT and SIQR. Whitfield was definitely headed in the right direction in suggesting a "spiritual solution," but in his mind, that was something closer to =A Course in Miracles= than to the research-grounded, Buddhist-based "experiential" therapies that are so popular with most HMOs these days. (Because they teach skills one can use by themselves and produce results in a hurry.)

(=ACIM= came and went in the '80s and '90s, even with Marianne Williamson's considerable help in the later stage of its popularity. Essentially Judeo-Christian in flavor, a) it ran into the wall of resistance typical of those who suffered from cult-ist or fundamentalist religious crazy-making, and b) it's a very long, arduous and demanding system.)

Even in the new age (but not "New Age") of the mindfulness-based cognitive therapies, however, =Co-Dependence= joins Pia Mellody's simpler and more easily-grasped, but no less effective, =Facing Codependence= as one of the two very best "grist mills" for modern therapy. Most readers seem to get the picture sufficiently that they acquire enough realization, identification and sense of history, as well sense of current dysfunctional behavior, to move them through Prochaska & DiClemente's first three stages of recovery into "commitment" and "action."

Whitfield's book does not supply the "actions" in anything close to sufficient operational detail, but authors like New Harbinger's Steven Hayes, Matthew McKay, Victoria Follette, Thomas Marra, John Forsyth, and others =do=. And with the guidance of a DBT, ACT, MBCT or SIQR therapist, what the reader learns in either =Co-Dependence...=, =Facing Codependence=, CoDA's =Co-Dependence Anonymous= or ACA's =Adult Children of Alcoholics / Dysfunctional Families= will serve him well.

RG, Psy.D.

I never recieved this book from the dealer and when I sent them an email notifying them no response. I had to cancel through my credit card and dispute the charge.

This book really opened my eyes to the what is really going on in my relationship. I think co-dependence occurs to some extent in any relationship and anybody who becomes aware of its mechanisms will probably enhance the quality of their lives dramatically. This book is a great vehicle for anyone to improve on their relationships. I must also recommend Rhythm, Relationships, and Transcendence by Toru Sato since it is an even more insightful book about relationships and codependence. Read them both! You will not be dissappointed!

unfortunately have not yet read this book, but respect the opinion of
person who said it was good