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  • Cobra
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on May 15, 2004
This is a classic Sylvester Stallone action movie. It's one of the best he ever made. Cobra was mostly known for the number of people killed during the movie. It far exceeded any previous record for an action movie...bordering on the comical. Some of the things you'll remember... The match he keeps in his mouth. His awesome gun. His Mercury which is painfully destroyed during the movie. And the most memorable moment is when he meets up with "Night Slasher" (Brian Thompson) at the end and gets an earful about the judicial system. "They'll say I'm insane. Won't they...PIG!?" If ever there was a classic piece of film it's this encounter. Me and my friends still joke today about how spittle and sweat comes from his mouth when he says, "PIG!". It's hilarious. That alone is worth owning this movie. In all, it's typical of 80's action films. Sylvester's films always seem to have a fair amount of cheese in them. It's a given. At the same time tho, they don't make films like this anymore. The days of the action hero seem over, but they can be relived with movies like Cobra.
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on January 21, 2010
Things I learned from watching Cobra:

Stock brokers, thugs, burglers, weight-lifters and other various and sundry folks like to meet in abandoned warehouses and clink axes together in unison thinking of the "new world"

If you're stabbing an innocent woman by the side of the road, don't get caught so easily

Scissors are great for cutting pizza

The killers of the New World are willing to blow up an entire town, kill people in all ways imaginable, create huge attention trying to avoid attention...?

Cobra can bump his 1950 Merc into a bunch of cholos and get away with it unlike today where he'd get his head blown-off

Shopping carts bounce into the air when you shoot them with shotguns

If you're robbing a grocery store, destroy all the produce and canned products and shopping carts using up your ammo right away then shoot a kid wearing a Raiders hat who you promise to let go free

There was a time when Brigitte Nielsen looked damn good

"Call the Cobra" should be a standard cliche when psychos take over grocery stores

A guy walking around a hospital with bizarre slicked back hair and a huge body-builder physique carrying a giant dagger with a conspicuously guilty face fits right into the hospital wards

Don't put too much catsup on your fries

If a woman ID's you committing a heinous murder, just dye your hair and that changes everything!

If you're inside a grocery store during a hostile takeover trying to free the hostages, reach for a Coors!
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VINE VOICEon December 11, 2013
After rewatching COBRA after an interval of many years, I didn’t know whether to rate it one star, because it’s so ridiculously, God-awfully silly, stupid and over-the-top…or to rate it five stars for that exact same reason. So I compromised and gave it three.

Marion “Cobra” Cobretti would hate me for that. He doesn’t like compromise.

In fact, Marion “Cobra” Cobretti doesn’t like much of anything, except chewing on matchsticks, driving his 50s muscle car, and mowing down criminals like a drunken redeck knocking tin cans off a fence with a machine gun. Who is Marion “Cobra” Cobretti, you ask? Well, if Clint “Dirty Harry” Eastwood and Charles “Death Wish” Bronson had a baby, and that baby was Godfathered by Arnold “Commando” Schwarzenegger, the answer would be Marion “Cobra” Cobretti, the head (and seemingly almost the only member of) The Zombie Squad, an LAPD detective unit called in when wishy-washy nonsense like Miranda and the Bill of Rights fail. And at the film’s opening, Cobra (Sylvester Stallone) is called in to deal with a psycho who has just shot up a grocery store at Christmas. This displeases Cobretti’s immediate boss, wishy-washy Monty (Andrew Robinson), who knows where Cobretti goes, a litter of spent shell casings and bloody corpses will follow. But F Monty and those bleeding heart liberal reporters, because the truth is that crime is a disease, and Cobra is the cure – so he tells the psycho before first stabbing and then finally riddling him with bullets. Afterwards, the reporters ask if “this killing had any connection to the Night Slasher case.” Monty says no, which of course means that there IS a connection to whatever the hell the Night Slasher case may be, and that the Cobra will soon discover what it is.

(Behind those mirrored shades lies the investigative savvy of a Sherlock Holmes, believe me.)

But who is the Night Slasher, you ask? The Night Slasher (Brian Thompson) is the jut-jawed leader of a gang of homicidal maniacs who go out every night and viciously murder Angelinos with sharp or blunt instruments, evidently for the hell of it. He spews nonsense about “creating a new world by slaughtering the weak” but really, he’s just evil scum – precisely the sort of scum Cobretti’s .45 ACP slugs were made to splatter all over downtown Los Angeles. And when the Slasher’s gang drops the ball (or rather, the axe) by leaving a witness alive to one of its random slayings, the ball gets a-rollin’. See, ole Slasher has what you might call an unforgettable face – it screams I AM THE NIGHT SLASHER, ASK ME ABOUT MY DISMEMBERMENT SPECIALS. So naturally he wants to locate this witness, a model named Ingrid (Bridgette Nielsen at her most horror-movie hapless) and hack her into chum before she can finger him. And Cobra, see, he doesn’t want this, so you just know the two men – Slasher ‘n Cobra – are gonna butt their sweaty, furrowed brows.

What follows is the sort of wanton mayhem only the 1980s, mingled with Stallone, could possibly produce. People get impaled. Vehicles get wrecked. Millions of bullets get expended. And Sly grates out stone-faced one-liners while setting people on fire. Seriously, the last twenty or so minutes of this film feature a freaking WW2 movie level of violence, with what seems like hordes of motorcycle-riding psychos testing out the dubious theory that leather biker jackets can stop submachinegun rounds, and Bridgette Nielsen reminding us why her career lasted about as long as a Viagra erection (four hours if you believe the commercials). But don’t sweat it, folks, because what would traumatize you for life is just another day in the life of Marion “Cobra” Cobretti, a man so tough he slices his pizza with scissors!

COBRA is either a great awful movie or just a greatly awful one. Stallone, not exactly known for the subtlety of his worldview, is essentially remaking DIRTY HARRY here – even going so far as to cast two men who were in that film, Robinson and Reni Santoni – but the fact is, as iconic as Sly is, he’s no Clint Eastwood, and no amount of burning gasoline, spent gunpowder and roasting human flush can mask the stench coming off the crappy acting, horrible writing and submoronic plot of this film. The difference between a hugely entertaining bad movie like COMMANDO and one which causes you to hold your head in your hands and make feeble groaning noises is subtle, but it’s there, and COBRA too-often strays into the latter category, probably because Sly, unlike Arnold, did not know at this stage of his career the secret of how to make fun of himself and boast at the same time. But if you’re in the right mood – bloodthirsty, silly, 80s-nostalgic – you will probably enjoy the antics of Marion “Cobra” Cobretti…at least until you can lay your hands on a copy of RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART TWO.
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on June 17, 2010
When Stallone was making "Cobra" he was at the top of his game. He was just coming off of making "Rocky 4" and "Rambo: First Blood part 2". Stallone had great intentions while making "Cobra", in fact there was even a sequel planed for the film. The sequel never was made, due to mixed reviews.

"Cobra" is about Lieutenant Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti, (Stallone) he works on the "zombie squad", where he does all the jobs that nobody wants to do. He knows all the bad guys in town.
Cobra is assigned to the case of bringing down the "night slashers". While the night slashers are out and about one night, Ingrid, a model (Brigitte Nielsen) was driving home from work and witnesses the night slashers committing a murder.
Now, after seeing the night slashers face, Ingrid is in great danger, so she is put under the protection of Cobra and his partner Sergeant Gonzales.

"Cobra" is a very good 80's action film. Stallone did a good job acting and writing the screen-play for the film.
If you are a fan of 80's action films or Sylvester Stallone you should greatly enjoy this film.
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COBRA is the ultimate "bad" Sly action film, made when he was hot-trotting with Nielsen, an actress of dubious talent.

SPOILERS AHEAD!

As police Lt. Marion Cobretti, '50s throwback Stallone mumbles his way through sentences of six words or less. My faves: "Hey dirtbag! You're a lousy shot. I don't like lousy shots!" and "You're the disease... I'm the cure." Here, Sly takes on a small army of "New World Order" thugs who have been killing randomly chosen victims with knives and hatchets. When Nielsen (in a bad blonde wig) scarfs an eyeload of their leader (Thompson), the entire mob comes after her.

For no explicable reason, she falls in love her cop guardian, Mumbles Cobretti and they "do it" in a cheesy motel room while the gang, tipped off by Nielsen's bullish policewoman chaperone (Garlington), closes in. After Sly wipes out several dozen of these Harley riding fiends without sustaining a scratch, the two lovers ride off on a purloined bike. This film was a huge misstep for Stallone, one that left him with the still persisting (if inaccurate) stigma that he's stupid and tongue-tied.

Santoni reprises his DIRTY HARRY (1971) role of the star cop's sidekick. In both films, he doesn't have a lot of luck. Robinson, who was the crazed serial killer hunted down by Inspector Callahan in that same classic picture, brings more than a touch of Scorpio's insanity to his role of Det. Monte. We're not sure why, but he passionately hates Cobretti and is constantly insulting and annoying him. You just know that before the final credits, Monte's gonna be spitting out teeth.

Other character clichés abound here along with a passé and intrusive '80s music track and a plug for a Colorado brew. Unlike fine wine, COBRA has not improved with age. Only for devoted Sly fans.

Parenthetical number preceding title is a 1 to 10 IMDb viewer poll rating.

(5.3) Cobra (1986) - Sylvester Stallone/Brigitte Nielsen/Reni Santoni/Andy Robinson/Art LaFleur/Val Avery/Brian Thompson/Lee Garlington
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on December 20, 2015
Cobra is one of those special action movies of the 80's that is so over the top and ridiculous, one can't help but love it. Stallone stars as the Dirty Harry styles title character protecting a witness from a cult of serial killers in LA. This movie is essentially 1/3 crime drama, 1/3 slasher movie and 1/3 action film but manages to combine these elements in a very well balanced way and stay entertaining throughout. This movie was also Stallone's original vision for Beverly Hills Cop when he was initially involved in making that film and features a pretty impressive soundtrack featuring some of the artists Stallone used in his previous classic Rocky IV the year before he did this one. Overall, it's an 80's action fan's dream.
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on December 18, 2013
Have had this on dvd for awhile. Much better on bluray. There is some grain from time to time but the colors and definition are way better. This movie has a couple of corny moments but it's still a good flick. It's got one of the coolest car chase scenes on film.
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on October 30, 2014
Stallone is wonderful in this movie. His middle name (which I will not tel you) makes him softer and sweeter. He protects a girl from these thugs who want to create anarchy. In his usual way, he makes the movie a great adventure and a fun ride. It has grit and tenderness. Stallone is wonderful. Loved it.
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on July 27, 2011
I've seen an advance version of this blu-ray, and it is a significant improvement over the DVD copy. The picture quality is quite grainy in some scenes, but this is due to source-based age and replicates this 25 year old catalog title nicely in high-def. Color saturation and contrast are about where they should be, with only minor black level crush and no noticeable print damage can be seen. A great 5.1 DTS-MA rounds out this release and while extras are sparse, fans of the film should definately pick this up. As for the film itself, it's at best just a standard B-grade Stallone cop action vehicle, but is worth at least a rental if you like macho 80's action films.
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on December 26, 2013
"Cobra" is an interesting film for its 80's politics and "police vs. the scumbag criminals" attitude that it so vehemently makes clear. While the bad guys in this film certainly deserve to be wiped off the face of the Earth, the politics are too obvious, the dialogue too silly, the story too protracted, and the music too pop-oriented. If you like Stallone you'll like it of course, but this isn't a pleasant film, and yet it is nonetheless enjoyable on a violent, ignorant kind of level, where one's brain is hijacked by a sense of exuberance on the level of watching a traffic accident--you feel guilty, but you look anyway. It's also hard to take George Cosmatos seriously as a filmmaker (obviously), but I did like his "Of Unknown Origin" and that film was rewarding on many levels. "Cobra" I will watch just for its nostalgic value, its over-the-top villains, its fast pacing, and its attempt to work from a literary source (a Paula Gosling novel that the film doesn't resemble in the slightest--but I hope Paula got paid well at least). What is also interesting is how this film's politics compare to those of "Dirty Harry"--Stallone's Marion Cobretti isn't quite Eastwood's Harry Callahan, but they both are preserving that Wild West attitude of cowboys gunning each other down in the streets (so to speak). "Cobra" continues these conservative politics in a serious way, but Stallone's character is less brutal, and he also is fairly humorless. It's his job to kill these bad guys, but for Callahan it was a passion, a pleasure (even here in this violent study we can detect society's softening attitude towards violent criminal justice, best represented in the film by Robinson, who played a great psycho himself in the original "Dirty Harry"). I always thought it interesting that Siskel and Ebert used to discuss the most pointless films at the greatest length, probably because simple-minded films like this tend to do well at the box office. Whether their cult status holds up years later on DVD and home video and BluRay is another matter, but "Cobra" is fun as a Stallone vehicle, much more unpleasant and absurd in its paranoia-driven plot details.
The Warner DVD is great, as usual, and the commentary by Cosmatos is a fun listen, but it isn't an essential purchase unless you enjoy nostalgia. Since I remember it from childhood, I have to watch it every once in a while. I know...I have an attitude problem. But it's just a little one...
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