Customer Reviews

Cockeyed: A Memoir

5 star:		(6)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

At the age of 18, Ryan Knighton was diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP), a congenital, progressive illness that begins with diminished night vision and degenerates into total loss of vision. Currently, he has access to only 1% of his eyesight. Yet, instead of wallowing in his predicament, he has written a pithy, moving and delightfully snarky memoir that chronicles the ups and downs of his 15-year relationship with blindness.

Despite the sober truth of Knighton's story and the somber mood that one might expect to accompany its telling, there are many sections in COCKEYED that are immensely funny and lighthearted. His recollections of pre-diagnosis adolescence are priceless and exactly the types of experiences you'd imagine a gawky teenage kid to have --- the time he almost killed his co-worker while driving a forklift; the time he wrecked his dad's car by getting it stuck on top of a pile of boulders; the time he (literally) lost his pants while at a punk rock club --- all are incidents worthy of a smile and a knowing grin, if you ignore the reason why they occurred in the first place. COCKEYED is anything but excessively dramatic, and Knighton certainly pays tribute to how funny these events must have seemed at the time from an outside perspective.

On the flipside, COCKEYED's darker moments are full of bleary isolationism, loss and self-deprecation. Yet, Knighton never seems to despair when reliving them, but instead pushes on as if talking about it might somehow redeem him and help others who might suffer similar fates. During the first few years following his diagnosis, he tried to outsmart his failing eyesight and it is painful to read about him bumbling about (again, literally), refusing his disease. It is only after he barely avoided getting hit by an oncoming car that he finally recognized the severity of his condition. This realization and the bleak period that followed is one of the hardest scenes to digest in the book because it is the first time we see him face the permanence of his disease and finally understand that he must learn to live with its consequences.

In another incredibly moving and painfully honest chapter entitled "Missing," Knighton talks about his younger brother Rory's sudden and seemingly accidental death from a morphine overdose (his new girlfriend slipped him the pills). The way he deals with this loss independently of and in relation to his blindness is so raw, it's almost beautiful: "I know now that Rory's death made me a different man and a different blind man...More than anything, his death forced me to make room for a world that didn't revolve around my blindness...I thought I knew loss, but what did I know? Little. That's why, when we laid Rory to rest, I tried to put something to rest in me, too. That's what I owe him and me." The ever-introspective Knighton clearly has a way with words, even when describing the gravest of circumstances.

In spite of all the hardship, never mind his lack of sight, it is evident from reading COCKEYED that Knighton has moved mountains in his life and the lives of those around him, albeit sometimes by the skin of his teeth. He taught English to kids in Korea and managed to hide the fact that he was blind for months before anyone was the wiser. He traveled to New Orleans with his first girlfriend, Jane (who was deaf), and avoided getting mugged because of his cane. He married his long-time girlfriend (despite a brief separation post-Korea stint) whom he is able to feel "a necessary relief from [his] individuality, from blindness, from all [his] differences, be they subtle or bold." Whether blind or seeing, he was and still is a force to be reckoned with, a person who has decided to take life standing up despite a handicap that had intended to push him down.

There are plenty of touching and insightful moments in COCKEYED --- too many to count. Knighton's natural penchant for getting at the heart of things is both deeply refreshing and highly venerable. He picks at the underbelly of human experience and exposes its tenderness with grace and wit --- a rare and balanced combination, struck by a well-traveled soul. This is a haunting and powerful debut from a truly gifted writer.

--- Reviewed by Alexis Burling

I really wanted to like this book. Some of the descriptions of the narrator's increasingly challenging interactions with the world are wonderful. After reading it, I can well imagine what it feels like to be in a noisy club when you can barely see, or what it's like to navigate a stariway with only a cane for guidance. Even the relationship challenges are interesting and (to me) unprecedented.

But sometimes there is just too much of a good thing. The in-depth narration gets tiring when it strays to non-pertinent events like teaching overseas. There are some good anecdotes, but they break up the stark reality of the growing handicap.

Is it right to only give 3 stars to a book about blindness? Probably not. The author is great! I'll buy his next book for sure. But this one just didn't "get" me.

Eighteen, just out of highschool, beginning to discover girls. A time when your whole life beckons you forward. The world is yours to conquer.

Eighteen, his age when the doctor told him that he had a congenital, progressive disease that would make him totally blind in a few years.

While this is a story of the descent into blindness, it isn't the maudlin, sad story that you might expect. Knighton leaves no doubt in your mind that this is the life he would prefer, but he also leaves you with the understanding that his life isn't so bad. The hardest part, I believe, was the time of the growing blindness. When do you admit that you have a problem so severe that you need a white cane? As he says, he didn't get the manual on going blind. His stories of asking for things like directions to the men's room and being told 'over there,' make you understand better than any description of what he has to go through.

It is hard to put this book down. Kingman is blind, but he's also smart with a wicked sense of humor.

I really did love this book and here's why: It's got life, depth, sparkle, sensitivity, honesty, humor, and the ability to educate me on the interesting life he's led. I laughed when Ryan was talking about how people shouldn't worry so much about the "sighted words" in language. He's got a way with words, which includes making the reader FEEL (and yes, SEE) things, not just read them. Ryan's imagery is colorful and clear, from the beginning when he's working his first summer job and itching to drive the forklift, to the end when he's trying to remember details of a favorite photograph. In between, we learn what it was like for Ryan to drive a car (briefly), date, study, use a walking stick (and adjust to it), teach, get robbed (almost), and deal with his going blind during it all - it's quite a read I'd recommend.

One of the few books that I read from cover to cover just finished it today. I wanted to know exactly what was going on in Ryan's life and how he coped with this new reality.

It will be unfair to think it just applies to blindness. No it applies to all shortcomings we have. We deny, we joke, we think subconsciously it will go away, but no, it does not.
I am sighted, but I felt connected with Ryan's struggles, discoveries and humor. Yes, despite miseries, despite pains, despite whatever - we must and we can smile and make fun.

Ryan you are a wonderful writer and a great observer. You have a rare gift, insight.

Wow. I ate this book up in one sitting. Very powerful, and written in an extremely accessible way. Knighton had me by turns laughing hysterically, thinking sad thoughts, and reveling in his attention to detail. He may feel that as his eyesight shrinks, he is losing his feel for what is going on in the world, but as long as he can produce such great insight with such humor, he'll be on my "must read" list. No pressure, Mr. Knighton, but I'm looking forward to your next book!

This is an engaging memoir of an intelligent, articulate man who happens to be blind. As a teenager, the author developed the degenerative eye disease, retinitis pigmentosa, which slowly robbed him of his sight. He was about fourteen or so, when a portent of what lay in store for him visually began making itself manifest. He ignored the signs of his increasing visual challenges and even learned to drive a car, which he drove until it became clear that he was a danger on the road to himself and others. Some time would go by before he and his family would know what lay behind the author's seeming inability to see what was in front of him. When he discovered the reason, he would remain in denial for some time, stumbling about in a sighted world without the sight he needed to do so safely.

Eventually overcoming his reluctance to admit that, yes, he was going blind, he decided to adopt the use of a cane rather than a guide dog. With stick in hand, he moves about the world in a way that most of us would rather not. Yet, for all that he is blind, he sees the world around him in ways in which many sighted people fail to do. His observations are witty, funny, and irreverent, as he takes measure of his life and some of the indignities that blindness has imposed upon him. The author takes the reader on an unsentimental journey through his descent into blindness, only for the reader to discover just how interesting that journey is. The reader comes away thinking of the author not as a blind man but, rather, as a man who happens to be blind.

Knighton did a fantastic job taking you into his journey of losing his sight. There were times when I felt terrible for him, but then there were also times when I laughed out loud!! There were scenes that did seem to drag on at times, but overall, a wonderful read. I will be looking for his next book!

Of course this book is inspirational, but to view this memoir as another tale of overcoming obstacles is selling it short. If you take away the subject matter, and judge the writing itself--you'll find an extraordinarily well-written, incredibly witty, and extremely funny book from a writer that has a gift for story telling. Ryan Knighton's intelligence leaps off the page and engages the reader in thought-provoking discussions. He managed to make me laugh out loud as well as cry, and to effectively do both is no easy task. His introspection and fresh, intelligent take on blindness and its effect on his life (and those around him) is insightful and profound. I look forward to reading his next book, regardless of the topic, because I so enjoyed his writing style. His students are learning from a master.

You wouldn't think blindness could be funny, but that assumption is overturned in this engaging book by Canadian author, Ryan Knighton. Growing increasingly blind starting in his teens, Knighton was approximately 33 years old at the time of this book's publication (2006) and had only 1% of his sight remaining. He writes with a clear, approachable style and with a great sense of both perspective and humor.

Like some of the other books I've read about young men going blind, Ryan was pretty fiercely independent and didn't use a cane during the early stages of his visual degeneration. However, he did discover punk music clubs and for a time really enjoyed the mosh-pit atmosphere -- because where else could a blind guy bang into people and not stand out?

Knighton seems to live full-tilt, admitting in an interview that he fears boredom more than he fears public embarrassment. [In the book he says, "Blindness, no matter how traumatizing, is a constant state of slapstick. Sometimes the innocent have to go down with me."] He's a wonderful storyteller, and I especially enjoyed his account of the apology by a couple of New Orleans would-be muggers, and his laugh-out-loud account of the test fire drill (for insurance company purposes) at an adult blind camp he attended.

Certainly he doesn't speak to the experience of all blind people; his story is uniquely his own. Interwoven with the humor are some incredibly poignant and thoughtful sections, which puts some meat on the bones of this surprisingly fun, quirky read.