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19 of 19 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Codependents guide to dealing with life.
This is one of the most profound books I have found in dealing with codependency. Darlene uses so many great life experiences to teach us. If you are an individual who is recovering from codependency or a victim of behavior of a codependent you seriously need to buy this book. There is great insight on how to deal with these issues. Darlene opens up many doors that to me...
Published on May 30, 2012 by jormi

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1.0 out of 5 stars Not good on kindle
The pages skip probably because text boxes in the actual book interrupt the pagination. Also it is difficult to navigate. Better to get the paper version.
Published 3 months ago by Amazon Customer


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19 of 19 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Codependents guide to dealing with life., May 30, 2012
This review is from: Codependency For Dummies (Paperback)
This is one of the most profound books I have found in dealing with codependency. Darlene uses so many great life experiences to teach us. If you are an individual who is recovering from codependency or a victim of behavior of a codependent you seriously need to buy this book. There is great insight on how to deal with these issues. Darlene opens up many doors that to me were sealed shut. I have learned to address so many things that I was not even aware of that constituted behavior of codependency. As a codependent whom is still in the recovery process I urge you to buy this book. It is probably the best investment in your future out there. Thank You Darlene for your hard work and effort and sharing your life experiences to help benefit all of those who still suffer with codependency.
Sincerely,
jormi
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellence for Breaking the Cycle of Codependency, July 5, 2012
This review is from: Codependency For Dummies (Paperback)
A friend of mine recommended this Codependency book by Darlene Lancer, and I am glad I purchased it. I have been consultant in the area of grief and loss for 22 years and read everything pertinent on how to best assist clients to a positive outcome. I found this to be an excellent book. The author's own personal experience brings a rich understanding and compassionate style to the material. I recommend it not only for the counselor, but also to clients who are willing to accept their situation and learn the steps to emotional health.
As I worked through the book I found chapters 5-10 in "Part II: Breaking the Cycle of Codependency: Beginning Recovery" pertinent to my work:
Chapter 5: Crossing De-Nile to Recover
Chapter 6: The Process of Recovery
Chapter 7: How Did You Become Codependent?
Chapter 8: Taking Stock of Who You Are
Chapter 9: Non attachment and Acceptance
Chapter 10: Learning to Value Yourself
For me, there were many steps (that she lists) I already follow to assist those who are troubled, stuck and in denial of a particular situation. Making reference to this book, particularly Chapters 6 and 9, will clearly facilitate my sessions.
I was amazed at the thoroughness of this book and will recommend this book often to others who consult clientele on similar topics.
Rev. Nancy Matz
[...]
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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Everybody I know can benefit from Codependency for Dummies, May 24, 2012
This review is from: Codependency For Dummies (Paperback)
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Codependency for Dummies. I am surprised to be the first person reviewing this book. It is fascinating, the kind of book that is difficult to close once it is opened. I enjoyed taking the two tests in Chapter 4, but I was disappointed that no criteria accompanied the second test in order for the reader/test-taker to determine whether he was codependent.

According to the standards in Codependency for Dummies, most of the people I know are codependent to one extent or another,and most of us need to work on our codependency. The rest of us have close acquaintances who need help in this area.

The concluding paragraph in the book is "Don't Isolate" -- what useful advice! Yet we live in an isolated world. Up and down the street are single people -- some retired or working at home alone -- some without any companionship, not even a dog. Isolation is a way of life. Much of the time in our education system and in work environments we are in a society of isolation.

I agree with much of what Darlene Lancer, licensed marriage and family therapist, has to say. We really need to work on our codependence and move out of the mire of low self-esteem. I do not, however, agree with her philosophy about spirituality. She states, "Whether or not you believe in God, a spiritual practice is an excellent means of creating a deeper relationship with our Self."

The book is well organized. The Dummies approach is a good method of presenting this thorough manual of examining relationships.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars It Takes One to Know One - Codependency, A Dysfunction at the Personal and National Level, August 12, 2012
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This review is from: Codependency For Dummies (Paperback)
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I became aware of codependency in the mid-1980s as I explored the effects of my father's alcoholism on me and my siblings. I spent over three years attending ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meetings, and learned that more than fifty percent of ACOAs will either become alcoholic or find one to take care of (codependency). Through my work, I was able to heal childhood wounds, recognize my own codependent traits, break harmful traits that led to dysfunctional patterns of relating, and create healthy boundaries.

And as the saying goes, "it takes one to know one."....Since I am no longer in denial and am in recovery, I can now spot codependency a mile away, and agree with author Darlene Lancer, "Codependency for Dummies," that "a majority of Americans are codependent." Not only is codependency expressed widely at a personal level in this country, but also at the national level with government policy.

Why? My only guess is that a comment by "Focus on the Family" founder, Dr. James Dobson, provides the clue. Dobson found that most people want to be in or from a "normal" family, but then pointed out that a "normal" (more than 80%) family in America is a dysfunctional. Chances are that most who read this review has some semblance of codependency or knows of someone who does, making this book a great primer for most Americans.

Author Lancer notes that since codependency is a learned behavior (handed down from generation to generation), it can be unlearned. "Codependency" begins with its history, symptoms, causes, and relationship dynamics, then "lays out a clear path for recovery with exercises, practical advice, and daily reminders to know, honor, protect, and express yourself."

While the each chapter of the book builds on previous chapters, it is modular allowing readers more familiar with the subject to pick and choose what they want...which is what I do. This format makes it easy for me to point friends and/or family members to specific, relevant sections tailored to their issues.

Author and lawyer Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and relationship and codependency expert. She has treated individuals and couples for over 24 years and is a consultant and workshop presenter at many addiction rehabilitation facilities. She is a frequent guest speaker on radio, a presenter at colleges & universities, and her articles have been published widely in professional and popular periodicals.You can find her blogs at Darlenelancer.com and WhatisCodependency.com. Information about her seminars and coaching packages are available on her website, whatiscodependency.com.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars I finally know now that am a codependent (age 37)....after I lost the love of my life not knowing why.., February 19, 2013
This review is from: Codependency For Dummies (Paperback)
I hate to admit this.. but I grew up in a somewhat dysfunctional family where my dad have a huge temper and his anger rages affected me negatively so that I withdrew from him as a little boy. Constant anger or verbal abuse or sometimes a hit against the head really affects a small child deeply. There was always fighting in the house (verbal) between my mom and dad and that destroyed my view of what a good relationship consists of. I dearly love both my parents today and made peace with the role they play in my upbringing, but it sure affects my relationships and the outcome today. Chapter 16 is an amazing view/guideline of how a relationship should be and I could not help crying not knowing these things already (age 37).... I never saw these aspects in a relationship and did not know how important they are. My goal is to make chapter 16 my vision of life going forward and in a life long journey hope to use your book as a guide to be a more whole person and live with autonomy in a relationship. This book is very helpful and I thank you for writing this book and hope that the fruit of this will help people like me. Hopefully this will prevent them from losing (or pushing away) the most amazing person in their relationship, due to their lack of not knowing who they (I) truly are(am)....a codependent.....at least now, a recovering codependent..
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars a key to unlocking who you are, December 22, 2013
This review is from: Codependency For Dummies (Paperback)
I wasn't sure this book was for me- I'm not a caregiver in any sense of the word, I don't live with an addict (aside from one brief relationship with a marijuana addict- yes, the act of smoking marijuana can be addictive). In fact, I have my own addictive tendencies. So what does it mean to be codependent? In essence, you have no real sense of self- you look to other people (or to processes like smoking, overeating, drinking alcohol etc) for love and validation, in order to heal the black hole of emptiness that is devouring you from the inside out. To be codependent is to be "Other Defined." As Lancer writes, "you silence, sometimes even to yourself, your own fellings, thoughts and values to become what you believe is expected or desired by someone else." If you have ever felt this way, then "Codependency for Dummies" is an essentially resource, one that can help guide you along the path towards self-understanding and self-healing.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars WOW!, May 6, 2013
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Not sure what else I can say but wow! I have been learning a lot about myself through this book. I have been told my whole life I was co-dependent, I never knew that it literally affects every aspect of your life.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Review of Codependency for Dummies by Darlene Lancer, June 1, 2012
This review is from: Codependency For Dummies (Paperback)
Darlene Lancer has written the definitive book on codependency. Everything anyone ever wanted to know about this subject matter is between its covers. Since its beginning, the codependency movement has grown in strength and relevance to modern life. That is why this book makes a profound contribution. In particular, it examines not only codependent characteristics, but unlike other books on the subject, combines both analysis of relationships and intrapsychic dynamics. This book is also unique in that Lancer also distinguishes codependent traits and relationships from healthy "pleasing," caretaking, and functional relationships.

In this book, Ms Lancer describes the childhood origins of codependency, its particular symptoms and what can be done to heal it. Almost everyone has some features of this condition, and whether or not you identify as codependent, there are loads of self-improvement exercises and tips. She also gives practical advice and to where to go to seek help. Everyone, therapists, patients, or anyone else who is looking for knowledge in this field, should own a copy.

Flora Golden, Therapist
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Decent Start, August 22, 2012
This review is from: Codependency For Dummies (Paperback)
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This is a pretty decent book for someone who isn't fully aware if they are or aren't co-dependant I suppose. If you are trying to self-diagnose, this is the book for you. If you already know you have Codependency and are seeing a therapist, well most of the things you are going through or are working with your therapist for your symptoms, etc, are more extensive than what's in this book. In fact, a basic psychology book about codependency will probably be more help than this. But again, this is really practical for establishing some "at-home" psycho-analysis, which we all like to do from time to time, and is very helpful for those who aren't in therapy, have never taken a psych class, and really aren't sure where to start. It is very basic and for beginners and far better than taking a Facebook quiz to diagnose yourself. There is good information in here, but again it is pretty simplified and anyone who actually has been diagnosed officially or read a psych book pretty much already knows anything already collected in this book. No offense by any means to this author, just trying to help anyone looking for more informtion here as I have been diagnosed myself with borderline (which goes hand in hand with codependency) bipolar, and more; and taken psych classes, and have been in therapy off and on since I was 15(33 now). I am definitly more experienced than most (not in a good way!) who would intend to pick this up though, which is why I am providing all of my information. It is also why I am giving it four stars as it is a good source of information for people who know nothing about codependency and are looking to know more, self-diagnose, and hopefully begin the process of helping themselves and changing for the better. The first step is realization and the second step is acceptance. I definitly recommend this book but again, if you are anything like me and already have a diagnosis and any experience at all in the psych field in or out of the classroom, work related or being treated, this is not the book for you. :)
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great resource, May 10, 2013
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This review is from: Codependency For Dummies (Paperback)
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As a holistic psychotherapist who has worked with people with addictions for almost 40 years, I can tell you many books on co-dependency pathologize it. In addition, they have such loose definitions for the term that practically anyone would fit within its borders. So, it was with real joy I read this non-pathologizing book. The tone is upbeat, optimistic, and motivational. The writing is clear and flows easily.

I have noticed that both addicts and co-dependents have two major issues in common: lack of assertiveness and perfectionism. Ms. Lancer covers the assertiveness issue when she talks about creating healthy boundaries and developing coping skills. She tangentially addresses the tendency towards perfectionism when she focuses on eliminating feelings of guilt, blame, and responsibility, and getting expectations in line with reality.

She is right: co-dependency is a learned behavior pattern and can be unlearned. I couldn't agree more when she encourages co-dependents to seek help for themselves and courageously delve into their own history, families, and issues.

The truth is: we all have issues, and acknowledging them is the first step to any sense of self, as well as moving towards emotional freedom. Of course, no one attains that 100% of the time, but it is possible to feel much more balanced and in control. This comprehensive book can be a great way to explore some of these unchartered territories of the self, while building emotional and behavioral muscle.
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Codependency For Dummies
Codependency For Dummies by Darlene Lancer (Paperback - May 1, 2012)
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