Customer Reviews

Codependent No More: Beyond Codependency

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I have Codependent no more and beyond codependency and found it so helpful during such a dificult time in my life. I came here to order my sister her own copy because I am holding on to mine. When I saw the first review I was very disapointed because I would hate to think someone who needs the help this book has to offer may miss out upon reading that review. Its very annoying to me everytime I hear someone ignorantly say how they dont believe in codependency because its saying if you are loving and giving you are codependent. Thats rediculous! My husband is an alcoholic and went through rehab at Betty Ford. There is where I had the privelage of going through family week and learning so much. However I fought the codependent label because I just didnt get it at the time. Afterwards during my personal therapy my therapist suggested I read Mealodys books. Thats when the lights came on and suddenly so much became clear to me. There is absolutley nothing wrong with me being a very loving and giving person. However there was a problem with me giving to the point of hurting myself and not taking care of me. Another helpful book is "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend. The books wont "fix" you. They can provide you with a wealth of knowlege to help you help yourself. Check out Dr Irene's website for imediate information on codependency.

Best of luck to you in changing your life for the better and finding that peaceful place.

This book was recommended to me by my therapist. I had no ideawhy, but in retrospect it may have been the nicest thing anyone hasdone for me. I was struggling to make sense of a bad, manipulativerelationship, and the book shed light on so many things that had foryears baffled me about myself. The second book fills in the cracksleft by the first book and explains the recovery process in moredetail, whereas the first dealt more in diagnosing the problem. Thebook deals a great deal with codependent people in relationships withalcohlics and drug addicts, but the information will help any onedealing with codependency. An excellent overall book oncodependency...

Melody Beattie, a former addict, used to hate codependents (which she defines as "people who have let another person's behavior afect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior"). Codepdendents are most frequently the family members of alcoholics or drug users, but the definition is broad. Beattie thought codependents were hostile and detrimental to the recovery process. When she went through codependency herself, her eyes were opened to the world that these people live in, and to the potential for recovery if one can identify the problem and take positive steps to improve their life.

Codependent No More is a quick and easy read, and it will hit home if you have an alcoholic or a codependent (or both) in your life. Beattie provides example scenarios of codependecy, expounds upon the traits and self-defeating behaviors of codepdency, and provides self-help steps to move beyond codepdency. Although this isn't marketed as a workbook, Beattie provides checklists and open-ended questions at the end of each chapter, and a blank journal to record your reponses would be an excellent companion to the book.

Once you've finished Codependent No More, Beattie's next book (included in this two-for-one) Beyond Codepdency is a guide to the on-going recovery process. It also includes activities/questions to probe the reader's own experience and help him or her get a handle on their situation.

These two books are highly recommended and it is terrific that they are available in one volume.

What an important book. Recommended to me by a therapist. It has changed my life. Now I recommend it to others who want to start living theirs. It's excellent, buy it.

After years of living with an alcoholic man, I found this book through a wonderful counselor. It literally saved my life. I started reading and found myself within the pages. This book opened my heart and my mind to the good things life had for me. Melody's book, Beyond Codependency, is also life-changing.

This book was life changing for me. My stepmom recommended I read it after my divorce, as it had helped her tremendously when she went through hers. My counselor also recommended it. This book does have a lot of references to addiction/alcoholism, which doesn't always apply to everyone, but the information is valuable nonetheless and you can apply it all to your own situation. I saw myself in this book so much. This book gave me strategies for creating healthier relationships and for changing behaviors that I want/need to change in order to do this and be a happy, whole person. Her big theme is "take care of yourself" rather than focusing so much on other people. It offers a very nice balance between how to still be a giving, caring person but not get hurt or lose yourself in the process. I took my pen and underlined throughout the book as I went. I still go back and re-read sections and I find that it is extremely empowering. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. Especially for people who continue to find themselves in relationships where they give more than the other person does, want their partner to change, feel unhappy and used and are not sure why, or just find that they have codependent tendencies.

These two books have helped me learn how to take care of myself and how to love myself. These books spoke directly to me as if Melody knew me all my life. I read these after entering recovery from addiction only to find I had been codependent since childhood. These books have helped me learn how to be. They are like Life Handbooks that I never got. I am deeply grateful to Melody for these treasures. These books have done as much for me as biweekly visits to a therapist.

First, Codependent No More helped me see the extent of my codependence, which was like a cancer that affected every part of my life. It taught me how to detach with love, how to feel my own feelings, how to own my power, how to accept myself and others.

Beyond Codependency really put my recovery into action. It covers in simple concrete unambiguous terms how to deal with family of origin issues, how to set a boundary, how to deal with shame, and how to affirm myself. The chapter titled "Breaking Free" is a personal favorite.

How appropriate that these are combined into one. I personally prefer Beyond Codependency, but it is more the nuts and bolts, Codependent No More sets the stage and gives you the big picture.

I highly recommend these for anyone who struggles with having healthy relationships.

This review is addressed specifically to men by a man.

When I pick up a self-help book, I am looking for help. I want the facts, the key points, the substance of the book to jump right out at me so that I can begin to immediately implement change. Beattie regularly frustrated me.

She is a story-teller. For example, It takes over 36 pages for her to get to a definition of codependency. "A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him of her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior."

The problem with this definition, and with this reprint of two Beattie books in one cover, is that it is largely meaningless without the stories. Beattie does not write to teach as much as she writes to help the reader feel. I often felt that I was wading through verbage to get to the point.

Looking back on my experience of reading Beattie, I realize that this may have been her point all along. There is a certain logical inconsistency in the male perspective regarding codependency.

To be codependent is to have a problem with "control." I have become convinced that the codependent control issues cannot be fixed by learning new control techniques. The cure lies in intuiting and feeling.

If you are open to this non-male experience, I recommend this book. If not, I suggest you try another, although I cannot suggest another title. I have yet to find another book that is as helpful.

I was told by a friend to buy this book for my sister, who was involved in two co-dependent, verbally abusive, alcoholic relationships in a row. After reading the first chapter, she called me in tears that she couldn't believe she lived like this for so many years with two men (8 years one, 11 years the second). She was able to leave her husband, with 3 toddlers (ages 3, 2, and 1) for a better life for all of them, and all thanks to this book, that opened her eyes. I am very thankful that she was able to do this, since we all wondered if she could ever accept the relationships she was involved in were destructive emotionally, let alone leave with 3 young children. Totally recommend this book! Buy it for yourself or someone you know or suspect might be involved in co-dependent, unhealthy relationships.

This book is amazing and well written. It's difficult emotionally to read since it helps you see things in yourself that you normally can't see and don't really want to see. It's a life changing book if you are open to really taking a look at your life and relationships.