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Collaborative Divorce: The Revolutionary New Way to Restructure Your Family, Resolve Legal Issues, and Move on with Your Life Paperback – June 12, 2007


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Collaborative Divorce: The Revolutionary New Way to Restructure Your Family, Resolve Legal Issues, and Move on with Your Life + The Collaborative Way to Divorce: The Revolutionary Method That Results in Less Stress, LowerCosts, and Happier Kids--Without Going to Court + Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks; 1 Reprint edition (June 12, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0061148008
  • ISBN-13: 978-0061148002
  • Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #289,665 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Pauline H. Tesler, M.A., J.D., has been a specialist in family law certified by California State Bar Board of Legal Specialization since 1985. She is a fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. Tesler lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband.



Peggy Thompson, Ph.D., has been a licensed psychologist specializing in families and children for thirty years. For the past fifteen years, she has been actively involved in the development and practice of collaborative divorce. Thompson lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband.


More About the Author

After being a public interest lawyer for poor children I spent some years as a hardball divorce litigator. I learned that 100% of the losers and about 70-80% of the so-called "winners" come out of divorce court disgusted with the process and unhappy with the results. In the words of a famous California family law judge, divorce court is where they "shoot the survivors." In collaborative law and collaborative divorce, divorcing couples have plenty of support and advice from their lawyers in a process marked by integrity and self-respect. Couples design their own solutions, and they are content with the results. I like working this way and I know my work is useful.

Customer Reviews

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This book should be required reading for anyone contemplating divorce.
W. Ross Foote
Clearly there is a better way and this work hits on all the different aspects, how to approach them and the high value of avoiding the legal process.
William G. Clements
Excellent, excellent ... I can't say enough about the importance of this extremely well written book.
D. Fowler

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

12 of 13 people found the following review helpful By W. Ross Foote on July 3, 2006
Format: Hardcover
Book review

This book brilliantly blends a deep understanding of the awful complexities of divorce with a layman's readability. Divorce is not easy and the authors do not try to say it is. Pauline and Peggy capture why litigation does not work by examining the underlying processes of this emotional, financial and legal transition at a time of impaired decision making. I know! I served as a Domestic Judge for over 13 years and was never able to adequately explain to divorcing spouses the court's inherent inability to serve their needs. Collaborative Divorce leads to an understanding of why court does not work in family situations as it guides readers around the emotional traps that sabotage even your best efforts. This book should be required reading for anyone contemplating divorce. Every professional involved in divorce (lawyers, counselors, financial advisers) should read and reread the book on a regular basis. It breaks down the steps of what at first appears to be a complicated process and very clearly presents a compelling argument for exploring this method of restructuring a family during an unbelievably stressful time. Pauline and Peggy capture both the essence and detail of this exciting movement. If you only read one book on divorce, you owe it to your children and yourself to make it this one. Parents, even if you feel like Court is right for you (It isn't because it is not right for anyone in divorce. In over 1500 cases I never saw a winner.) read this book before you let a lawyer convince you the old way is best. Lawyers, read this book to learn how to enjoy helping families through divorce instead of particpating in the carnage.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful By William G. Clements on July 3, 2006
Format: Hardcover
The authors have succeeded in creating an easily accessible and remarkably complete guide to thinking about and managing this difficult process. The combination of legal and emotional insight will resonate strongly with anyone who has participated in divorce and goes on to skillfully guide the reader through the alternative. Clearly there is a better way and this work hits on all the different aspects, how to approach them and the high value of avoiding the legal process. This is a must read for anyone contemplating divorce. The outcome will be a dramatically better experience, better settlement and an easier path to the rest of one's life. Top rating.
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Format: Paperback
Divorce is a melancholy song of life. For some it sings a song of hope, but for most it is a dirge of fear, guilt, anger, depression and negative feelings. Wading through the emotional aspects of a divorce has been said to be even more overwhelming than those of the legal. Pauline H. Tesler, M.A, J.D. and Peggy Thompson, Ph.D. cannot bring back those magical feelings you once felt upon initially entering your marriage, but can and do help ease the pain and bring order into your life with hopes for a new beginning in their new book, collaborative divorce: The Revolutionary New Way to Restructure Your Family, Resolve Legal Issues, and Move on with Your Life.

More than a few of us remember the old televised series entitled "Divorce Court" where couples would hammer out their woes in front of Judge Voltaire Perkins. Mental cruelty, desertion, adultery, alcohol abuse and other heinous "crimes" in which people aired their dirty laundry were amusing to the audience, but in the real world were painful facts of life. Inevitably the Judge would announce the loser and smiles would go out to the winner. For many years it was a winner takes all situation, but in today's world, a world in which we find collaborative divorce, it is a win-win situation all around.

The collaborative divorce, while not meant to revitalize a weary or downright dead marriage, sets the scene in which a couple can exit a marriage with dignity and grace while addressing the most intimate concerns of the union. In a nut shell collaborative divorce uses a non-adversarial approach to sorting out the emotional, financial and legal issues encountered by a couple during the separation and divorce process, a process in which the couple works together with others to direct and redirect their own lives.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Isabel Allende on July 25, 2006
Format: Hardcover
As the matriarch in a very large extended family, where there is much love but conflict may be unavoidable, I read Collaborative Divorce with great interest. I hope my family will not need to use it, but just in case, I bought a copy for each couple around me. Bitter divorces are expensive, painful, they create long-term resentment, and make it difficult to raise healthy children. The damaging effects of failed or thwarted love can and should be avoided. That is the point of this book. According to the authors, when there is a commitment to integrity, ethical

behavior, clear communications, and constructive problem-solving, a divorce should be a solution and not a cause for more entrenched conflict. Collaborative Divorce shows there are smarter and kinder ways for a couple to part.

ISABEL ALLENDE
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Karin Quirk on July 16, 2007
Format: Hardcover
Many divorce lawyers (including me) are jumping on the band wagon for this much more respectful way to divorce. Pauline Tesler is one of the top trainers in the industry and has a huge following among divorce professionals. This is not a how-to-do-it-yourself book but helps you make more intelligent decisions about how to handle your divorce.

Buy one for yourself and one for your to-be ex spouse.
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