Customer Reviews

Colossus of Destiny

5 star:		(15)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(11)

 

 

Of all the Melvins albums I have (about 15) this is, by far, my absolute least favorite!!! If you're looking for a Melvins disc
that actually contains music, don't bother with this one. IT's mostly a bunch of f^%$#ng noise that will result in nothing short of a pounding migrain. When I bought this album I was expecting to hear some typical Melvins sludge rock, instread I got an album that was about as interesting as watching bread become toast. I guess if you like noise and the smell of sun-baked rotting dog vomit, this album is for you...otherwise, do yourself a favor and buy a great album like H.A.T., Stoner Witch, or Houdini as this album can't possibly qualify as 'music'. Yeah, the Melvins have a sense of humor, in this case they thought it'd be funny to make real fans waste their money on this glorified coffee cup coaster. Seriously, I _almost_ threw this out on the interstate while driving. I can't even use it as toilet paper...you can however, break the CD and use the shards to slice a gaping wound in your wrists...that's ALL this album is good for, gauranteed!

Lately I have come across the inspirations of Melvins titles ever more frequently. There are allusions to "the Anti-Vermin Seed" off of the fantastic "Hostile Ambient Takeover" (which may very well be the Melvins greatest, most cohesive work to date) in Gore Vidal's novel "Messiah". Two other songs off of "H.A.T." find their titles rooted in science fiction. "The Brain Center at Whipples" is the title of a Twilight Zone episode while "The Fool, the Meddling Idiot" is screamed at the climax of the 1950's sci-fi epic, "Forbidden Planet" starring a surprisingly suave Leslie Neilsen.
By far my favorite Melvins song title discovery is "Colossus of Destiny" which is found midway through the great John Fante's novel "the Road to Los Angeles". It is the title our hero, Arturo Bandini dreams of for what will be his masterwork, his final statement to the world. When I read that name on the page the clouds parted.
"Colossus of Destiny" was initially intended to be "the Crybaby", the third part of the Melvins 1999-2000 trilogy which ultimately became the guest stars album. The trilogy was intended to showcase a different facet of the Melvins music on each album; "the Maggot" being the heaviest album ever released and "the Bootlicker" being a relaxed, quiet work. Looked at in the context of the potential third piece of the musical puzzle, "Colossus..." makes a lot more sense. Many people hate the noise of this record but cannot deny that this is a significant part of the Melvins makeup. The Melvins have released difficult music since their inception and noise pieces have been part of their repertoire for a while now, most notably on the underrated "Honky" and culminating in the aforementioned "Anti-Vermin Seed", the Melvins most accomplished foray in this vein so far. The majority of the poorly-worded, far from scathing reviews below mention past Melvins noise efforts in their diatribes dismissing this album, for example "Prick". These people are essentially the crybabies the Melvins name in this album's original title.
I find the album itself fun to listen to. I bought it outside of Seattle as I drove cross country and as I twisted my van along craggy mountains and lush, green valleys, the music held my attention and god forbid, engaged me. I will admit that I do not listen to "Colossus of Destiny" as much as I do other Melvins albums but that does not mean it's poor. I want to hide a boombox with "Colossus of Destiny" behind the jack o lantern on my porch come Halloween and really scare the hell out of the neighborhood.
It is extremely hilarious seeing how infuriated people get over the lack of "songs" on this album. I find the people that try to find some rhyme or reason or theory to this album equally comic. Both camps are wrong. It's like Buzz says in his liner notes to the reissue of "Gluey Porch Treatments". There is plenty of room out there for the Melvins to release anything they want and why shouldn't they? They keep us on our toes unlike any other band out there.

It seems to me that most people on here hate this album and write it off as a bunch of noise; which it is, but it is good noise. I listen to this album quite frequently at work as it provides a nice background to the whiny servers I have to deal with. I am a fan of Fantomas and Lustmord so that might be why I like this. I also really like Prick as well but not as much as this. It takes big balls for any band to play this live and then release it to their unsuspecting fans. I can see how many fans would feel cheated upon their purchase of this masterpiece; I would have too had I not been farily warned by a friend. I wasn't totally convinced after one listen but the more I listened to it the more it grew on me and it gets more airplay than say the Joe Preston solo ep or The Crybaby which are both great in their own right. Plus, after recently re-watching Forbidden Planet, I can't help but think this album is the Melvins' version of that movie's soundtrack.

Seriously?

When I saw Melvins in Detroit with Tomahawk in 2003, they KILLED. After a couple of inadvertent headbutts in the pit and losing the shirt I bought at the show, I decided I had to get every Melvins album!

So after reading a few of the reviews of this album I ordered it from Amazon. I love all the pre-major label Melvins albums, especially Lysol, and they've been one of the few bands to stay interesting and relevant throughout 20+ years.

This album is neither interesting or relevant. Noise for 80% of the duration before a guitar is picked up or a drum heard! I love noise records, but this one's just boring.

It's not all crap though. From the about 35 minute mark on things get mildly interesting, and then we have a nice version of Eye Flys to close the "set". I can take a joke, but somehow I can't help but feel that I'm the punchline.

One star because they're Melvins, and one star for Eye Flys. Melvins have so many albums and almost all of them are gold! Make this the last one you get.

I've been a long time supporter of the Melvins. I like their albums of half 'ambient' stuff usually mixed in with their 'real songs'. Not that the melvins were ever about a lot of money, but maybe it's a bad idea to put out another 'Prick' when single mp3's can be downloaded for free now. Even though I like to support certain bands by buying their cd's instead of burning them and like most Melvin fans, I purchased 'snivlem', this is the first Melvins release that I burned for free, from a friend.Sorry guys but after the covers on 'Crybaby' and 'Electro' and then 'Colossus' I hope your new cd is worth the wait.

I agree with the other reviewers who rated this CD at the bottom of the scale. Who wants to hear an hour of cheesy sound effects that sound like they're from a low budget sci-fi film. Not me. Although I'm a huge Melvins fan,I can't believe they would put out [stuff] like this. I want my money back too.

It's just freakin great, but probably not for all you "rockers" out there. Noise.

What does ipecac do? It cleanses the preverbial pallete of music listeners in the same fashion as syrup of ipecac cleanses your actual pallete. If an hour of nonstop noise and feedback is not your thing than this is not for you, but if you enjoyed say Sonic Youth's SYR series especially SYR4, then this is a must have. Also a must have for the TRUE melvins fans. "Grunge" is dead? what is this mythical "grunge" you speak of? Its all music people... deal with not labeling everything in sight. Listen to everything... it is why it's there

You can read all the bloated, verbose five-star reviews written by people that think they're in on this "joke" recording along with the Melvins. They're not. And anyone who says they like listening to this recording is in serious denial. The suckiness of this disc is so huge, so epic, so colossal, that if suckiness produced light, you could see this album from freaking space. Yeah, I consider this disc is a joke--a poor one--and I think back to the good old days when jokes didn't cost you 12 bucks. FOR SHAME, MELVINS!

Melvins are one of the few bands that seem to occasionally enjoy giving the middle finger to their fans. In this case, Colossus Of Destiny joins Prick as being one of the most annoying and lame albums that a band has ever unleashed upon its worshipers (and I am one of them, the only reason I take the time to write this half a***d review).

I suppose that if one were generous, one could say that this record is an exploration of the dialectics of skronk and noise as a means of challenging the audience regarding its received notions of what constitutes "music". That's about the most generous leeway I can give this album, as most people would just say WTF and turn it off. Nearly an hour of aimless guitar and drum rumblings.... well there's not much else to say. And I really tried to think of something.

It's not that I do not like Melvins.... in fact they are one of my favorite bands of all time. But they do have a tendency to be... um, challenging at the best of times. This is not one of them. About the best you can say of this album is that it's proof they really don't give a f**k about what people think. That attitude, I am down with. The music.... well it's a stretch to call an hour of guitar scrapings and drum rumbles music, let alone good music.

This album is for the diehard Melvins fan only, only if you've got a masochistic streak, and even then it's hard to listen to. You've been warned.

I've never been able to listen to this all the way through. For much, much better examples of Melvins' awesome power, see Bullhead, Houdini, Stoner Witch, even Senile Animal.... not this. It's a joke, more or less.