The Combined Family [Hardcover]

Taube S. Kaufman (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 21, 1993

Because of the significant rates of divorce and remarriage in the United States, the stepfamily is becoming an increasingly mainstream way of life alongside the traditional nuclear family structure. When people of various age groups and backgrounds are suddenly brought together to cohabitate, specific guidelines will be necessary in order to navigate the complexities of these "new" relationships. The Combined Family: A Guide to Creating Successful Step-Relationships is an essential guide for understanding an individual's multiple family roles as well as the emotional and psychological nuances within step-relationships. Taube Kaufman, a clinician with expertise in stepfamily counseling, sensitively prescribes both preventative and restorative means to help alleviate the psychological stigma of living within a socially unaccepted form of family. This authoritative guide will undoubtedly help individuals to discover and prepare for the "differences" they can expect to encounter in moving from one family structure to another, such as: introducing a prospective new marriage partner to one's children; deciding on appropriate wedding and honeymoon plans; establishing rapport with stepchildren; coping with sibling and stepsibling rivalries; devising successful strategies to deal with former marriage partners and extended family members; arranging holiday and family celebrations; and allocating enough time and space for the newlyweds to form a strong couple bond in a family system where at least one parent and child have an emotional attachment and history that predate the marriage. A compelling series of experiences and observations by family members offered by Kaufman is indicative of her unwavering empathy for stepparents and children who inherit roles that are ambiguous, ill defined, and laced with negative connotations.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 312 pages
• Publisher: Da Capo Press; 1 edition (August 21, 1993)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 030644500X
• ISBN-13: 978-0306445002
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.8 x 1.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,299,622 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Must Read for Those Considering or Living Step Family Life, January 14, 1998

By 

[e-mail] (Ft. Lauderdale, FL) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Combined Family (Hardcover)

The Combined Family is an excellent how-to book for those contemplating re-marriage with children or already living in a blended family. Kaufman and Slovenko have found a way to methodically explain the complexities of step family issues as well as provide a road map to navigate the inevitable twists and turns of step family interactions. This is a must read for anyone interested in the subject. Best re-marriage wedding gift on the market!

4 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An essential how to for relationships after divorce, November 5, 1999

By 

Peter H. Priest ([e-mail]) (Chapel Hill, NC) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Combined Family (Hardcover)

Taube Kaufman provides practical solutions to the many problems arising from step-relationships. The many stereotypical images of mean step parents don't result because steprelationships are easy. However, forewarned is forarmed, and Ms. Kaufman helps one through the minefield.

2 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars well-researched and organized - and lacks 4 keys, August 13, 2004

By 

Peter Gerlach (Portland, OR) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Combined Family (Hardcover)

I have specialized in providing professional education and therapy to divorced, courting, and re/wedded couples since 1981. I am (a) 66, (b) a stepgrandson, stepson, and ex-stepfather and stepbrother, (c) an invited Board member of the Stepfamily Association of America, (d) a contributing editor to 'Your Stepfamily Online,' and (e) the author of six personal-growth and family-relations books.

I recommend this scholarly book to readers who want a readable, somewhat formal, comprehensive introduction to stepfamily life. I do not recommend it to anyone who wants to know the core reasons most US stepfamilies are significantly stressful, and why millions redivorce or endure daily agony. Like most authors in this genre, Ms. Kaufman omits four essential points which will combine to block typical readers from following her well-meant advice:

1) why and how to assess and reduce co-parents' psychological wounds from childhood (vs. divorce. Most divorced and stepfamily adults appear to be significantly wounded - and don't know it;

2) the origin and impacts of blocked grief in adults and kids, and how to spot and reduce it. All stepfamilies follow (and cause) a series of profound losses (broken bonds);

3) co-parent unawareness of five key topics: (a) normal personality formation, composition, and function; (b) keys to high-nurturance families and relationships, (c) effective communication skills, (d) healthy 3-level grief, and (e) stepfamily realities, norms, implications, and hazards. And...

4) little effective re/marital and co-parenting help (i.e. courtship coaching, classes, informed counseling, co-parent support groups) available in most communities and the media.

In my clinical experience, these factors will often promote needy, love-dazed courting co-parents to commit to the wrong people (mate, stepkids, and "other parent/s"), for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time. Then the factors inhibit co-parents from identifying and resolving these core personal, role, and relationship problems:

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