Customer Reviews

The Combined Family

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

The Combined Family is an excellent how-to book for those contemplating re-marriage with children or already living in a blended family. Kaufman and Slovenko have found a way to methodically explain the complexities of step family issues as well as provide a road map to navigate the inevitable twists and turns of step family interactions. This is a must read for anyone interested in the subject. Best re-marriage wedding gift on the market!

Taube Kaufman provides practical solutions to the many problems arising from step-relationships. The many stereotypical images of mean step parents don't result because steprelationships are easy. However, forewarned is forarmed, and Ms. Kaufman helps one through the minefield.

I have specialized in providing professional education and therapy to divorced, courting, and re/wedded couples since 1981. I am (a) 66, (b) a stepgrandson, stepson, and ex-stepfather and stepbrother, (c) an invited Board member of the Stepfamily Association of America, (d) a contributing editor to 'Your Stepfamily Online,' and (e) the author of six personal-growth and family-relations books.

I recommend this scholarly book to readers who want a readable, somewhat formal, comprehensive introduction to stepfamily life. I do not recommend it to anyone who wants to know the core reasons most US stepfamilies are significantly stressful, and why millions redivorce or endure daily agony. Like most authors in this genre, Ms. Kaufman omits four essential points which will combine to block typical readers from following her well-meant advice:

1) why and how to assess and reduce co-parents' psychological wounds from childhood (vs. divorce. Most divorced and stepfamily adults appear to be significantly wounded - and don't know it;

2) the origin and impacts of blocked grief in adults and kids, and how to spot and reduce it. All stepfamilies follow (and cause) a series of profound losses (broken bonds);

3) co-parent unawareness of five key topics: (a) normal personality formation, composition, and function; (b) keys to high-nurturance families and relationships, (c) effective communication skills, (d) healthy 3-level grief, and (e) stepfamily realities, norms, implications, and hazards. And...

4) little effective re/marital and co-parenting help (i.e. courtship coaching, classes, informed counseling, co-parent support groups) available in most communities and the media.

In my clinical experience, these factors will often promote needy, love-dazed courting co-parents to commit to the wrong people (mate, stepkids, and "other parent/s"), for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time. Then the factors inhibit co-parents from identifying and resolving these core personal, role, and relationship problems:

[...]

For more perspective on this review, see:

[...]