Customer Reviews

Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide To Kinky Sex

5 star:		(17)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This is the first book on the subject that i've actually managed to read cover-to-cover, without wanting to skip around. It also rings true with my personal experiences so far, particularly her section on "types of people to watch out for". Browsing that section in the bookstore is what convinced me to look at the book in more depth and to buy it. Upon reading the entire book i'm glad I did.

I particularly like her inclusive nature, and her stressing of (nearly, she has reservations about medically dangerous stuff) everything being ok, as long as it involves people capable of consent, who know what they are getting into. It seems there are so many other sources which have an idea of "the one true way" to do it, and anything else is somehow wrong, or not "real BDSM". This book was a refreshing breath of air.

I found the writing style to be very comfortable and readable, and not stuffy or dry. I found her discussions of the social stigmas associated with various practices very interesting. Also, the discussions of the emotional and mental aspects; this is more than just another "how-to" book. This is a book I would not be afraid to give to someone who may be questioning their "vanilla-ness". Its a gentle opening of the eyes, instead of a drop-kick into the middle of the ocean. I wish I had read this before an encounter with a "one-true-way" type who nearly drove me away forever. Fortunately, I realized that not all players are that way, and this book really helps to make that clear. For instance, its perfectly ok to be a dominant masochist, or a hedonist, one just needs to find compatible partners, and they are out there somewhere. I think it also helps make clear just how common kink must be, in spite of appearances (after all, at the icecream shop, how many flavors are vanilla, and how many aren't? 8)

The world will be a much better place once people are actually allowed to be who they are; this book is a step in helping that to come about.

The book loses a star (I would have given it 4.5, if that were an option) due to an occasional bias in examples toward what must be the author's personal preferences, although I suppose its good to use what you know. Fortunately this detracts very little from the overall content and message.

I think the book would be good for anyone, no matter which of the GLBTS (s is for straight) letters apply to them. Unlike a previous review I found the trans(gender/sexual/vestite) discussion to be very enlightening and appropriate, in its place in the book, particularly in helping to understand the differences in the various categories. Trans people can certainly be into BDSM as much as anyone else, and some people use trans as a form of BDSM. I suspect many people tend to always lump "the other" into one group and don't want to realize that the topics are more complex than that. This book helps to dispel that for a number of topics related to sex in some way.

When beer companies and fashion designers begin basing advertising campaigns on high-gloss photographs of men licking the feet of models wearing black stilettos, you know pop culture has truly become obsessed with all things leather and kinky. It's a far cry from 1993 when Dr. Gloria Brame was the lead writer of "Different Loving," the ground-breaking book on sexual dominance and submission. The book was so controversial it almost didn't get published; it's now considered the Bible of the BDSM movement and one of the driving forces behind kink going mainstream.

"Come Hither" is Brame's long-waited follow-up, a perfect companion to that first book. If "Different Loving" was a scholarly and detached overview of an exciting and unexplored new world, then "Come Hither" is like finding a chatty and knowledgeable tour guide who knows all the best spots in town.

This is a book for both the curious and the experienced. Fearful of sharing your fantasies of being tied up to your partner? "Come Hither" offers clear and smart advice. Wondering about the proper use of a Butterfly Board or a Neuro-Wheel? "Come Hither" has detailed descriptions of dozens of kinky toys and devices.

Brame not only is one of the world's foremost experts on BDSM, she's also an engaging writer who is able to convey her passion and knowledge in a conversational style. She never takes herself, or her topic, too seriously. So much of society's perception of BDSM is cloaked in danger and darkness. Brame shows the human side: the intimacy and the warmth and the humor. "Will heavy makeup make me look cheap?" she asks in a chapter delving into cross-dressing. "Of course," she replies, with a wink and a nod. "Isn't that the fun part of it?"

You'll find a lot of those kinds of moments in "Come Hither." You'll also find solid and fascinating information and tips by the woman who, literally, wrote "the book" on BDSM.

Having been involved in various aspects of kink since the late 70's, I'm usually unimpressed with the crop of fad-riding how to's about the subject popping up these days. Come Hither, however, breaks through the pack and stands out remarkably as a MUST READ if you're serious about understanding the amazing possibilities that can come from exploring natural, kink-filled passions (or need a useful tool in helping a loved one understand).

Rather than coming off as a stale, academic guide, Dr. Gloria Brame has witfully woven together all of the basics in an innovative form that can be easily molded to individual tastes. Her experience in the field of sexology comes through solidly in the many technical tips offered in the text, but I also found that the book provided a nice blend of pertinent anecdotes and useful opinions that gives the reader ample food for thought in drawing their own conclusions. While perhaps not groundbreaking in its content, Come Hither clearly leaps to the head of the class as a literary model in portraying kink as healthy, safe, exciting and most of all, FUN!

Great info. Great ideas. Great style. I strongly recommend it to everyone regardless of experience level.

Are you curious about kink, but too shy to ask? Then "Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex" is the answer to your prayers. Brame's warmth and humor make this an entertaining read for anyone, but her intended audience is that enormous segment of society that would never - ever! - venture into a public venue to explore their kink. (Some with secret kinky fantasies that they're afraid to tell ANYONE about.) This is a kinky sex-positive message for the uninitiated masses, (or the newly initiated who are still figuring things out) and for anyone with someone kinky in their life. (Doesn't that about cover everyone?) Not to be confused with the numerous "how-to" guides available, "Come Hither" has a distinctly (but unobtrusively) therapeutic slant, educating and making us feel good about kinky sex. For its scope and readability and potential to change lives, I rank this one right up there with the original, unabridged "The Joy of Sex."

Fact of the matter is a lot of the "lifestyle" books out there just concentrate on one area. I think Gloria Brame does an excellent job of incorporting many area's into one publication that is still small enough most can read it from cover to cover without getting sidetracked or bored. Many seem to have the opinion that this book is just for "newcommers" or for "vanilla's" to read so they can understand the "lifetsyle" better. I disagree. I think it is a wonderful little jewel. In my experience though, people with years of experience have forgotten what it was like to just start to learn of the lifestyle and to just begin exploring it.

I'd been "in the lifestyle" for several years by the time I read this book. And it took me back to where I had been. And it helps me to see how others I interact with may feel. At the same time it can give me a better sense of the basics. The "basics" seeming to be what many of us forget when we get so set in our own way of doing things and our own opinions.

It was easy to read. I didn't get bored. {which happens all to often when I do try to read something to detailed or lengthy.} It was informational. Some of the information I already knew but it didn't hurt to see it again from another perspective. Most of all it was educational from several points of view. Overall it was a good read. I recommend it quite often. It does add a bit of variety from many of the other publications oftentimes listed for learning more about the "lifestyle."

There is some good information in this book and if this book had been published ten years ago it would have been very valuable. However there are now already at least half a dozen good intro-to-BDSM books in print and given that fact this book does not convince me that it needs to be there too.

There is some general discussion of basic topics such as negotiation and consent, and some safety tips. There isn't even a single illustration other than the cartoons on the cover. There is also a long chapter on cross-dressing which is pretty good but I don't quite understand what its doing in a BDSM book.

The information in it is pretty good but the book seems to lack an overall sense of direction and organization. I don't think its entirely clear on what kind of book its trying to be. Still there is some good information in here.

In my opinion better introduction to BDSM books have been written by Philip Miller and Molly Devon, Jay Wiseman, Pat Califia, John Warren, Lady Green and Race Bannon.

I've finally got around to reading Come Heither - and it was a great trip. Fun and light but insightfull the author covers the basics and shares her experience about d/s in a friendly human way. This is a big plus.

Part of me thinks there isn't a lot new here (Sensuous Magic and Screw the thorns are still the classics for me) what is rare is Brame's idea that if d/s players spent more time on the emotional, psychological and sensual aspects of it rather then the type of toys you use the scene would be full of much happier people. Common sense but not something I've seen a lot in the scene so far. Also her common sense explantion of what makes a good dominant, lifestyle as opposed to role play, and interacting in public are worth buying the book alone. It was very helpful to me in those aspects.

A side note. I started to understand d/s better once I read a few vanilla relationship books. A Mistress is still a human being despite all the melodrama. We need more "human" books out there like this one. bravo! (HieroV@aol.com)

I have read other books professing to be "guides to kinky sex" but they usually have included too much of the het perspective, which I am not a fan of, rather than focusing solely one side versus the other, this is a perfect blend of the two.

Come Hither appealed to that part of me that believes in the beauty and passion of kinky sex being just as normal as white bread, while also validating the empowerment all gay men need to feel around their sexuality and sexual expression. A wonderful testament to the interface between hot sexual encounters and the pursuit for sexual freedom with an added touch of old guard leather-sex history.

Fast paced, light-hearted and utterly humane, this book helps shed some much-needed light on a subject most people would prefer to keep in the dark: kinky sex.

Not so much an in-depth discussion on the subject, but more of an introductory ice-breaker. This is a great book to give a friend or loved-one who may wish to expand the boundaries of their personal lives. (Or, if you want to seduce them into expanding their boundaries...)

As much as I respected Different Loving, I think with Come Hither Dr. Brame has finally written a book that everyone can read and enjoy, cover to cover. Some of the quizzes were funny as hell and the glossary is invaluable. The book was chockful of new ideas. As a lifestyler I was impressed with the way she defines lifestyle vs roleplay SM--I've never seen it explained that way and it added new dimension for me to wiitwd. I also never saw good advice before about how to get your partner to do SM with you before. Most of the books on SM are written by amateurs. That's one of the best things about Dr. Brame. She's a professional writer. It really shows when you compare it to most of what's out there. This isn't just informative, it's a great read!