Customer Reviews

Coming Out: An Act of Love (Plume)

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In being gay, there are certain "shared experiences" most can relate to. The act of "coming out" to family and friends is probably the most apprehensive for most. This "How-to" book relates, through true-life anecdotes, letters, and stories, various methods that have been employed successfully by participants in the author's workshop of the same subject. We found the book to be filled with compassion, understanding, and empathy for those who are coming out, as well as for those to whom the coming out process is directed. If one word were used to describe his understanding and approach to coming out, "keen sensitivity" leaps to mind (ok, that's two words). Dr. Eichberg is aware that the coming out process not only affects the one who comes out, but is also a "coming out" process for those who now are fully included in the life of a gay relative or friend. · He considers coming out an "act of love" to the extent that the homosexual wants to fully include those in his/her life. While some may view "coming out" an act of aggression or rebellion, he convincingly makes the argument that it is actually an appeal for recognition of their basic human dignity and value to society. At many levels, the gay man or woman is seeking not only acceptance, but also approval from the ones they love and respect. He recognizes that one of the most significant mental hurdles to be overcome by those considering coming out is the possibility of rejection While he recognizes this as a distinct possibility (and offers some examples of this negative outcome ... no pun intended), he reinforces the positive aspects of coming out for all involved. · He urges those who come out to make themselves available for help and support as relatives and friends come to grips with the new knowledge of their relationship. He reminds us that, while it may have taken years to come to the decision to come out, relatives and friends will need time and support to process their own emotions (their personal coming out process). He recognizes that they and their emotions are an integral part of the process as well. · Even though coming out is a personal act, the author recognizes the social implications of the collective act. He espouses that as more people come out to relatives and friends, the more "visible" and immediate the gay community, which in turns help increase understanding and hopefully support for gay-related political, social, and legal issues that are currently being debated in society today. We recommend this book as one of many to help those considering coming out as well as a resource for those to whom a relative or friend discloses themselves as gay. We think that the many complex issues involved in such a revelation are discussed in an intelligent and empathetic manner, illustrating that the truth truly is an "act of love".

Rob Eichberg's straightforward, simple, writing style paired with his knowledge in this field makes for a book that is a must for every gay self-help library. This book helped me immensely in my own coming out process, and I have recommended it to friends who have benefited from it as well.

A gay friend recommended that I read this book because of The Experience workshop. The book integrates exercises from the workshop with many actual letters from people who are coming out. Not only did this book help me understand my friend better, but it has helped me to better understand unconditional love and empowerment. As I told my friend, I love this book so much that I think he should recommend it to ALL his straight friends.

This book was not very helpful to me at all. I am a rather introspective and shy person, and this book gave advice such as "Now you should go meet some other homosexual people and becomes friends," which was extremely hard for me to follow. My advice to anyone coming out would be to start with the person who is closest to you and branch out. The first person I talked to about my homosexuality was my best friend. After I was able to talk to her about it comfortably, I decided to tell some of my other friends, and then after a few more months, I told my father, with whom I live. I learned that I was nevrous for nothing. He still loves me, and nothing has changed in our relationship. I feel as if a burden has been lifted, but I wouldn't account any of it to my book. If you are more of an outgoing person, I would recommend this book. For everyone else, start small and remember, if they don't like you because of your sexual prefence, are they really worth knowing?

While there is a workshop that goes with this book. I think it is a good self help book and I agree with the author that everyone needs to comeout, be honest about who they are. This is the only way one is going to live a satisfying life. However, I don't agree that HIV/AIDS is about hiding and feeling shame.

This is a place for the NOVEL "Coming Out" by playwright Wallace Hamilton. It's NOT the same as the book "Coming Out: An Act of Love" which seems to be some sort of self-help book. The novel is a bit dated, but still an interesting picture of gay life in the 1970's. The main relationship is believable and touching.

It took me a long time to get started on this book, but once I did, I couldn't stop. Written in the late seventies, "Coming Out" remains timeless. The lives of Roger and Michael wind in and out of the lives of a variety of people in every class and background and deals with feelings and attitudes that are as real today as they were back then. This book is out of print, but if you find a copy used, snatch it up!

The forces that are preaching "Gays are evil!" are in retreat; some of the most conservative commentators are openly asking why this tired mantra hasn't been dropped.
AIDS has forced such a large number of people out, and thus encouraged many healthy gays to come out, that the public perception has changed greatly since the 1990 publishing date.
During the past week the U.S. Ninth Circuit Court has affirmed that the military must drop "Don't Ask Don't Tell", and generals and admirals are now speaking publicly about the need for the services to come into the 21st century.
Eighteen- and nineteen-year-old recruits were born after the AIDS epidemic was well under way; being gay hasn't really been controversial in their lifetimes; "Don't Ask Don't Tell" has been controversial throughout their lifetimes.

Maybe the above sounds like a first year journalism student, but my point is that this book was written, very well, for the year in which it was written, but the game has changed so much that I feel more like I'm reading a historical document than something current.

I guess as of today, I'm out to Amazon (couldn't find the chapter for that). The biggest issues people coming out today have to deal with are homophobia that uses religion as an alibi and misconceptions about AIDS; the book touches these but could devote more time to them.

I'd also like to see some chapters like, "How to Come Out if you're Catholic", and the same for Moslem and Jewish.

I'm interested in knowing if Dr. Eichberg is still with us and active; an update to this book would be nice.
Coming Out: An Act of Love

I adore this book. When i needed it most, luckily it was there for me. This is a timeless book, truly, though written quite a while ago. I was saddened to know that the author had passed away, because i wanted so much to share with him what helpful perspective this has given me.

I recommend this book for people who are coming out, or thinking about it. It is gentle, and the stories of people are what make his idea about this process so alive and relevant. It is positive. It is loving toward those in ones life who may or may not struggle as we do with coming out.

I also recommend this to people who are trying to discover ANY issue about themselves and come to terms with it, and then trying to convey this to those in their lives. It is that kind of really awesome self-help book. Never preachy. Always thoughtful.

Get it!