Coming to Rest: A Guide to Caring for Our Own Dead, an Alternative to the Commercial Funeral [Paperback]

Julie Wiskind (Author), Richard Spiegel (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 1, 1998

This down-to-earth and groundbreaking manual provides simple instructions and encouragement for private family funerals. Families can bring their own loved ones for burial or cremation without a funeral director. The non-commercial funeral is a practical alternative, a profound family ritual, and a way to save thousands of dollars.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Many people may not realize that there are alternatives to immediately calling a funeral director when a loved one dies. In fact, if certain legalities are observed, most people can avoid the cost and impersonal involvement of the commercial funeral industry altogether and care for a deceased loved one with the kind of love and private ritual that not only extends and individualizes the care giving before death, but can also honor family history or follow a family's religious tradition. Authors Julie Wiskind and Richard Spiegal have written a moving and useful book for people who want to be involved in caring for their own dead with the kind of personal attention they devoted to their loved ones before they died. Funerals can be completely do-it-yourself events, allowing people to wash and care for the body in the comforting and familiar surroundings of home. Accepting death as a natural part of living and "normalizing" the ritual of caring for the body and arranging privately organized ceremonies is becoming more the norm among aging baby boomers in much the same way that natural birthing swept this generation at an earlier age. Coming to Rest clarifies the necessary legal paperwork, spells out many of the statutory requirements in different locations--only nine states in the U.S. require the involvement of a professional funeral director after a death--and offers a helpful and informative discussion on this sensitive subject. This book will surprise some, but it will also reassure and help guide many more to a comfortable, personalized end to the life of a loved one. --Mark A. Hetts

Review

"A manual of practical grace. A comfort for every family. Most of us leave our loved ones at the threshold of death. This manual allows us to carry them in our hearts and our hands across that threshold." -- Stephen and Ondrea Levine, Teachers and authors of Who Dies: A Manual of Conscious Dying

"A shaft of light to guide us to a good grief." -- Reverend Mitsuo Aoki, D.D.

"In a death denying society we can find ourselves at a loss when we confront the reality of our own mortality. This book can help guide and heal you through some difficult and emotional moments." -- Bernie Siegel, M.D. author of Love Medicine & Miracles and Peace Love & Healing

"Thank you for your excellent and thoughtful work!" -- Jack Kornfield psychologist, meditation teacher and author of A Path With Heart and Seeking the Heart of Wisdom [with Joseph Goldstein]

"This book illustrates how we can care for our loved ones after their death with the same love and respect we would have offered them during their life. It is a practical, accessible and sensitive guidebook." -- Frank Ostaseski, Founding Director, Zen Hospice Project

"This little book makes it possible for people to conduct family funerals independent of funeral directors and the industry around them. Julie Wiskind and Richard Spiegel have done a great service. Their experience and point of view are invaluable." -- Andrew Weil, M.D., Director of the Program in Integrative Medicine, U. of Arizona, Author of Spontaneous Healing and Eight Weeks to Optimum Health

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 101 pages
• Publisher: Dovetail Pr (June 1, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0965759369
• ISBN-13: 978-0965759366
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.3 x 0.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (7 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #685,304 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Environmentally sound, June 11, 2001

By 

MotherLodeBeth "MotherLodeBeth" (Sierras of California) - See all my reviews
(HALL OF FAME REVIEWER)    (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: Coming to Rest: A Guide to Caring for Our Own Dead, an Alternative to the Commercial Funeral (Paperback)

An excellent book for anyone wanting helpful information about how to prepare yourself and your loved one for both death as well as handling the home made funeral. The American Way Of Death by Jessica Mitford exposed the big business of the funeral industry and this book Coming to Rest : A Guide to Caring for Our Own Dead, an Alternative to the Commercial Funeral by Julie Wiskind, Richard Spiegel does a great service to those interested in bring dignity as well as common sense to burial and cremation. It helps dispell the myth that you have to "hire out" and that only "Store bought" is legal.

I encourage a few brave souls to get the book and invite a few open minded friends over and start a local support group that will provide the information needed to help people do at least some of the funeral and body preparations themself.

Travel overseas and if you are smart in where you go you will discover that in Africa India South and Central America an progressive regions of Europe that people take care of their own dead a lot. That the American funeral is NOT the norm, and it shouldnt be!

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent informational resource; inspirational!, December 22, 1998

By 

[e-mail] (Berkeley, CA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Coming to Rest: A Guide to Caring for Our Own Dead, an Alternative to the Commercial Funeral (Paperback)

"Not so long ago in this country, most families carried their own loved ones to the cemetery for burial" begins this dignified, down-to-earth, yet revolutionary text.The authors, Julie Wiskind and Richard Spiegel, began this labor of love after the death-at-home of their friend, and Richard's wife, Laura Spiegel. The first chapter, describingLaura's death, is a moving account of how her family and friends found they could fill out thefew forms, prepare Laura's body, and bring it tothe crematory in their own time, in their own car, after their own good-byes and prayers. The cost was $300; the emotional benefits, priceless.The expediency of embalming, used during the Civil War to facilitate the transportation of soldiers'bodies, has grown into a multi-billion dollar business. The funeral industry's unfortunate intervention between us and death is taken for granted, unnecessarily. Our first question after a loved one dies ought not to be which funeral director to use but whether we want a commercial funeral at all. Thoroughly researched, Coming to Rest, can help us answer this question by providing the encouragement families need to reclaim the care of their own dead as a personal and family ritual. For an hour of reading, one is rewarded with powerful and practical information: How do you lay out the body? Is it safe? What do you do for a coffin? How do you discuss your plans with hospital or other health agency officials?Coming to Rest will be of particular use to those who want an economical and personal funeral. Itmay also appeal to those with a desire to reassesthe values promoted by our consumer culture and to those who may be ready to participate more fully in the mysteries of life. From the State Funeral Regulations chart, which catalogues specific requirements for paperwork, to information about how to order or make a coffin, to the sprinkling of Richard's poetry about his loss, this book is carefully and thoughtfully compiled. Coming To Rest, A Guide to Caring for Our Own Dead deserves a place on every family¹s bookshelf.

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Nice idea but of limited use, October 20, 1998

By A Customer

This review is from: Coming to Rest: A Guide to Caring for Our Own Dead, an Alternative to the Commercial Funeral (Paperback)

This thin book (100 pages, large type, lots of leading) is another testament to the growing interest in families caring for their own dead. It includes directions for building a plywood casket. However, the legal information appears inaccurate or incomplete for many states.