Customer Reviews

Commitment and Healing: Gay Men and the Need for Romantic Love

5 star:		(4)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This terrific book makes two sustainable, important, and moving points: that monogamous gay relationships are possible, desirable, and wonderful, and that if a gay man cannot attain nirvana it is because of certain emotional hang-ups he has, which are possibly reversible by looking at oneself through the mirror that Dr. Isay provides. In my opinion the review from Publisher's Weekly cited above is way off the mark. This text is not narrowly but broadly oriented, and it offers real hope and help, far more than just a series of psychoanalytically-based formulations of no use to anyone but the theorist. I highly recommend it to gay men seeking love but having difficulty finding and sustaining it. Martin Kantor, author of "Together Forever: The Gay Man's Guide to Livelong Love. "

Dr. Isay makes some very strong points. I bought this book in response to a recent break up. I found its pages filled with incite into a very strong possible reason for why my recent lover was not able to let me into his heart. I used to think that monogamy was not possible in a gay relationship. I found someone that I wanted to share everything with, exclusively. I now feel that monogamy is possible and Dr. Isay explained some valid and compelling reasons why that should be a goal. I highly recommend this book for anyone that has found something missing in their traditional gay relationships.

This book gave professional insight into gay relationships and their origins and ways to deal with resulting conflicts. Most books have not dealt with such an area. The case histories were also a plus.

Well-written and easy to read, this is a deep and thoughtful book. Richard Isay does not give the usual, easy solutions for the difficult problems gay men have in their committed relationships. He does not endorse the position that our open relationships are better than heterosexual relationships. Isay is a true maverick. His first book, "Being Homosexual", is widely considered the most influential book ever written about gay male psychology. This new book is just as groundbreaking as his first. I found it very helpful in getting my relationship back on track, and recommend it highly.

OK, so when I came out, I read just about every book on gay relationships and being gay that there was. You should see my book shelves - and the Amazon suggested for you pages were hilarious! "OK you big old queen, here's a few more for you to enjoy!" VERY helpful recommendations, by the way.

So I didn't expect much additional knowledge would come from Richard Isay's book. He's a favorite author, but still. Wow! Was I wrong. He nails it! I discovered so much about myself and my friends in this book! I don't care if you're trying to improve your relationship, trying to have one, or just trying to figure yourself out. This is one important new look at gay men, by a gay psychiatrist. In fact, he's a professor of psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College and a faculty member of the Columbia University Center for Psychoanalytic Training and Research, according to Wikipedia.

You'll find yourself thinking, "Oh, that's why" so many times while reading this slim volume. This is a very useful study - get it!

I read this as part of a book club and while it encouraged some interesting conversation I simply couldn't relate to any of his case studies. Where were the masculine gays that grew up playing sports and had good relationships with their father? Not everybody grew up playing with dolls and getting bullied at school.