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Common Threads: Nine Widows' Journeys Through Love, Loss and Healing

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Diane Kaimann's "Common Threads" intermingles her own story of sudden widowhood with accounts of the losses endured by a group of (disguised) friends. The narrative is vivid and heartfelt, objective without being dispassionate. Neither Kaimann nor her peers come off as whiny or weak. In fact, the reader wonders how some of these women survived their spouses' long illnesses and the sustained caregiving and adjustments in their personal and family lives that preceded the actual deaths.

Kaimann, however, was spared both the suffering and the potential gratification of saying a final "goodbye." Her husband, Dick, died abruptly while scuba diving off a Maui beach. It was near the end of a vacation in "paradise." While she worried that Dick continued to pursue diving opportunities despite a history of heart disease, she indulged his love for the activity, hoping that his doctor's permit was well-advised. So, with a hearty "have fun, see you later," she took a walk and returned to their hotel less than two hours later to witness an ambulance whisking her husband, in cardiac arrest, to a hospital. By the time she caught up, doctors told her that resuscitation efforts had failed. Half a world away from her Milwaukee home, Kaimann left "paradise" and traveled back alone--to a whole new existence.

How she and the others have turned existence into renewed living encompasses a variety of everyday situations: funeral preparations, a widow's group at the synagogue, travel, entertaining, dining out, encountering well-meaning (but still married) friends and family, house and car maintenance. Each story has its heart-tugging facets, yet there is humor: Kaimann's battle with a resident mouse, a friend's grandson taking "Grampy's" chair for the first holiday dinner without "Grampy."

Faith has helped some, therapy others. Where one immediately went back to work or travel, another held back and welcomed the rabbi's "permission" to not attend an out-of-town family wedding. Kaimann, dabbling in psychometric and psychic encounters, "hears" Dick's guidance and encouragement.

That one cannot generalize about--or judge--responses to loss, grief, mourning and recovery is the ultimate truth in Kaimann's book. She gently lets us know that, despite "common threads," it is an individual journey. And there is no right or wrong road on that journey.

I have more experience with grief and loss than I would like. As a former grief counselor and nursing instructor, I have read many books about the grief process. Diane Kaimann's book stands above the rest, as it is written from the heart, and is easily understood by anyone. Diane takes you into the homes of the people she interviewed, making you feel as if you are there with her. Her own poignant story takes you on her journey from shock to despair to learning to live with her loss. Anyone who has experienced a loss or who ever will, must read this compelling and heart rendering book.

Once I picked this book up, I could not put it down. As Diane shares the thoughts and feelings that she and others experience after such a terrible loss, we are reminded that we are never alone. This book offers a message of comfort and hope to anyone who has ever lost a loved one. Common Threads and its author are a gift.

R.F.

It was when Diane Kaimann's husband died unexpectedly while scuba-diving in Hawaii that she was compelled to deal with the devastating condition of widowhood and began the sometimes painful, sometimes surprising, and ultimately rewarding process of reshaping her life. Common Threads: Nine Widows' Journeys Through Love, Loss, And Healing is a tremendously powerful book based upon her own experiences and those of eight other women having to adapt and overcome the grief and deal with the inevitable and sometimes traumatic life changes that come from losing a beloved spouse. Personal testimonies are the highlight of this profound, sincere, insightful, and ultimately inspiring book about sadness, and hope, and learning how to remember love. A treasure of emotional wisdom and insight, Common Threads is highly recommended, invaluable reading for anyone faced with the loss of a spouse and the necessity of working through their grief and reweaving the fabric of their life.

This is a fabulous book. The author has an easy style with a real story tellers ability.

The reader is drawn in and shares the author's pain of extraordinary loss. Yet one leaves the book feeling that the pain will pass and that there is still so much more of a joyful life ahead.

The book "Common Threads" was very helpful to me. I am a Marriage Family Therapist (retired for a little more than 1 1/2 years). Of course I know all the psychological jargon and constructs of bereavement. I surely did not need to be educated on the subject at the time of my husband Bill's passing on January 4, 2002. My training only helped me from the standpoint of knowing the stages of grief, recognizing my depression and lack of acceptance of the sudden loss.

I used the book daily by reading segments or chapters, as the author relived and grieved about her experience and that of the other women. It was very therapeutic for me. Most of the time, I just cried, which was the very thing I knew/know needs to be done.

"Common Threads" met my need right where I was at the time, and for that I am grateful. I am recommending it to others who have lost their mates, and to other therapists who work with the survivors because I know it will be extremely helpful to these people.

Ms Kaimann is a wonderful writer, and her words were very cleansing for me.

As a psychologist, both in private practice and as a radio host, I work often in the field of grief counseling. Because of this, I am pleased to recommend Common Threads: Nine Widows' Journeys through Love, Loss and Healing as an important book on the subject. Told with remarkable honesty, the stories are close to the bone, portraying the shock of the spouse's death, the rocky journey with no roadmap, and the roller-coaster ride of the first few months and years. Each of the women, in her own way, faced the universal as well as the unique challenges of her new world. Each found her own path and pace to healing.

The book flows easily, is often lyrical, sometimes humorous --- a rare quality in a book on this topic. In its pages, mourners can learn ways to help them cope, and those who care for them can learn how best to respond to another's loss. The book gives help and hope to people moving through the most difficult of times. Like Tuesdays with Morrie, Common Threads is a book about living life to the fullest and about the victory of the human spirit.

The book tugged me in so many different directions, many of them precarious. However, the fundamental message of hope and futures that the author imparted made it an emotional journey worth hazarding. There is no faith without faith and life is, after all, worth a full-court press. Thank you for charting a path and marking it well, so the rest of us can follow. I was, and am, very moved by the expression of grief, faith and renewal.

I have more experience with grief and loss than I would like. As a former grief counselor and nursing instructor, I have read many books about the grief process. Diane Kaimann's book stands above the rest, as it is written from the heart, and is easily understood by anyone. Diane takes you into the homes of the people she interviewed, making you feel as if you are there with her. Her own poignant story takes you on her journey from shock to despair to learning to live with her loss. Anyone who has experienced a loss or who ever will, must read this compelling and heart rendering book.