Customer Reviews

A Complaint Free World: How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted

5 star:		(37)
4 star:		(18)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

Edit of 28 May 08 to correct typo pointed out by a reader, and to add links.

My wife asked me to buy this book after hearing about it. I did, it is a worthy useful book, and I will take its challenge.

The author does a tremendous job of gently pointing out all the things about complaining that are both negative and futile:

+ complaining is about what you cannot have or get--get over it
+ avoid chronic complainers, the disease spreads
+ Takes 4-8 months to move from unconsciously incompetent to unconsciously competent.
+ Complaining traps you in a constante state of "something is wrong."
+ Complaining is a form of manipulation
+ Instead of complaining seek alternative language or BE SILENT
+ Silence is mature self-possession
+ Commit to what you want and go after it--WITHOUT COMPLAINT when stymied

The book is quite effective at an underlying theme, God will provide. In acceptance lies happenstance, coincidence (or not), and harmony. The church that started this movement has given out 125,000 free purple bracelets, and issues Certificates of Happiness when anyone can attest to going 21 days without a complaint. They are starting up spin-off programs such as a Complaint-Free Relationship, School, or Workplace.

The author touches briefly on the strategic game of nations, pointing out that instead of negotiating the negative (like nuclear proliferation) why not spend more time sharing information and strategizing the positive, like the end of poverty and disease? Amen.

The book concludes with a raft of first person accounts, roughly one per page, and they are all serious and meaningful, not at all trite of hokey. This is a serious book for serious people.

Entirely and absolutely by coincidence (or not--I really am starting to come back to God "in community"), reading this book coincided with my reading of one squishy and one leadership book, and all three of them center on the same point: be open, be accepting, visualize the good.

I am so taken with this book that I am adding it to my CEO List (Collective and Commercial Intelligence). I find it hard to imagine a CEO of a Fortune 500 company that could get through a day without complaining, but boy, would I like to be around someone like that, who can drive a Fortune 500 company without ever complaining. Now *that* is leadership.

The other two books:
The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: A Pocketbook Guide to Fulfilling Your Dreams (One Hour of Wisdom)
The Source of Leadership: Eight Drivers of the High-impact Leader

The more I think about, the more I am impressed by this book out of Kansas City, Missouri. This book is the essence of what is good and great about America as a frontier Nation, enduring challenges, never mind the occasional genocide, slave trade, and unprovoked war. The heart of this country is still good, even if the corrupt politicians have lost their soul. We can change all that in this next election, and I am going to stop complaining and start working to elect someone who represents the young, the good, and the future.

Bless all those who brought us this treasure, this gift of calm.

Other great books along these lines:
The Complete Conversations with God (Boxed Set)
The Tao of Democracy: Using Co-Intelligence to Create a World That Works for All
Left Hand of God, The: Healing America's Political and Spiritual Crisis
All Rise: Somebodies, Nobodies, and the Politics of Dignity (BK Currents)
The Faiths of the Founding Fathers
Society's Breakthrough!: Releasing Essential Wisdom and Virtue in All the People
The Wealth of Networks: How Social Production Transforms Markets and Freedom
Collective Intelligence: Creating a Prosperous World at Peace

I just finished reading A Complaint Free World and I must say that I was floored with this guide on becoming a complaint free person. As a Christian I believed that i was a very positive person but after taking on this challenge I found out that contrary to what I believed, I complain quite often and i wonder if I will ever make it to 21 days, but I will continue to go forward and strive towards that goal.
This book is maybe one of the 5 best books I have ever read and I believe that this concept can change the world, because I believe that all of us are complainers and that complaining really doesn't do anyone any good.
As well as being a guide to a system that I believe could end complaining in our lives, this book also describes complaining, how it effects us and what it does to others.
This book is an absolute must to read and to practice, heres to a better world.

You're in for a wonderful read that bears a gift! Will Bowen uses his talent for heart-felt storytelling, laced with humor, to help you identify and eliminate complaining and negativity from your life. What a gift that is! And, that's just the start, he also guides you through an inspirational step-by-step process for living more joyfully and spiritually every day. You'll love this book immediately, treasure it forever, and want to get a copy for everyone you love.

This book provides a practical program for increasing happiness and satisfaction by becoming aware of one's unconscious complaints against life, then consciously giving up short-term griping and gloating in favor of long-term gratitude. It's a non-denominational approach that starts working when you merely hear about the idea!

If you think about complaining to others being like second-hand cigarette smoke, you can see how complaining poisons the common breathing space. The goal is to go 21 days without complaining, and when you catch yourself complaining, you switch an inexpensive plastic bracelet to the opposite wrist. When you don't have to switch the bracelet for 21 consecutive days, you've met the challenge.

The book is easy to read, encouraging, and addresses most of the objections our silly, fearful minds are so quick to raise. For me it is a support to the Buddhist value of "Right Speech." My husband and I have not yet received the purple reminder bracelets, but we joke about switching our imaginary bracelets to the other wrist whenever we catch ourselves complaining. It's a program worth trying.

The first thing to understand about A Complaint Free World is that Will Bowen is NOT saying to be a doormat! He explicitly says "Directing a comment to someone who can improve your situation is not complaining." He says "I am NOT advocating remaining silent when there is something that has happened which you need corrected." His assistant, Marcia, says "It is NOT about stuffing your emotions in and putting on a Pollyanna face."

What they are going on is Dr. Robin Kowalski's definition, which was used in a famous study on complaining. "Whether or not the particular statement reflects a complaint ... depends on whether the speaker is experiencing an internal dissatisfaction."

So it's important to know this up front. This book is ALL for speaking out, speaking up, making changes, seeking improvements. It is about doing those things in a way that keeps you healthy, and will best reach your goals.

So, with that being understood, what is this book about? Will Bowen was trying to inspire his church members to live more attentive lives. Many of them had financial difficulties. The financial planning books they had talked about how complaining did little good to help - that people had to face their problems head on, work out solutions, and then work through them with energy and focus.

Will liked this idea and thought he could help people with the complaining part at least. He ordered 500 purple wrist bands that said "spirit", passed them out, and asked everyone to try not complaining for 21 days. If you complained, you moved the wrist band to the other wrist and started counting again. The moving-the-band was key - it was a physical action, something that your brain began to pay attention to.

People thought this would be easy - and then discovered they had to move the band 20 times in one day! Will himself broke 3 bands with all the moving before he succeeded. The average person who tries this takes 4-8 MONTHS before they succeed. However, they improve as time goes - and they report being SO much happier by the end.

Why?

"You can best get what you desire by expressing what you WANT rather than complaining about the way things are." People actually made far more progress in their lives when they phrased their desires in a way that enticed action, instead of in a way that was negative. Listeners get defensive and hostile at criticism - but they feel drawn to help if you are going for a positive goal.

"You have a right to get what you deserve. To achieve this don't talk about or focus on the problem. Focus BEYOND the problem." This is echoed in many other books. What you focus on is what you tend to get. If you complain about being fat and unhappy, you'll probably stay fat and unhappy! If you talk about your goals to go walking more, and your desire to go walking, I bet people will cheer you on and offer to go walking with you.

As Earl Nightingale says, "We become what we think about".

They have distributed 6 million FREE bracelets already, so this is resonating with a lot of people.

Will lays out the four stages of achieving mastery of ANY subject, including non-complaining.

* Unconscious incompetence
* Conscious incompetence
* Conscious competence
* Unconscious competence

What this means is we start out trying a new thing without realizing just how hard it could be. That's fine, otherwise we might not even try smile So with complaining, we start out thinking "heck that's easy" and then realize just how much we DO complain. So we're now conscious of how much work is ahead of us. But then over time, we get much better at it with attention - and finally it is a normal healthy part of our lives and we do it naturally.

The Psychological Bulletin study on complaining found that many complain to get sympathy, attention, or to dodge out of doing something. They even found that doctors felt 2/3rds of all visits to them were based on something mental / emotional! For example, someone gets extremely stressed by work - and this drives up their blood pressure. Think of how much more healthy we could all be if we found a better way to deal with stress and issues!

Ben Franklin said "The best sermon is a good example." Will points out that you shouldn't complain about others complaining smile Don't try to change others. Just be yourself, and don't "feed" their complaining. You might find they change naturally when they don't have a complaining buddy!

Will emphasizes that this is NOT about being a passive doormat. Martin Luther King Jr had his dream. Rosa Parks took her seat and held it. They had a positive vision of the future, and they went for it. They achieved great things.

He reminds you to think about why you are complaining, if you do. Criticizing a place (like a cheap restaurant) if often a form of bragging about your more sophisticated tastes. Criticizing others is a way of saying you are better than they are. He says it is fine to "process" - to share your feelings. "I feel upset because of what was said." He says it is less healthy to deliberately bash others, "She is a stupid jerk for doing that."

Overall I found this a very well written book, with great examples, a healthy dose of humanity, and a wonderful message for us all. Will doesn't say this is easy. He doesn't even say this is for everyone. But I definitely agree that many of us complain at the drop of a hat, over things that are really not a big deal at all. All that stress affects our bodies and our health. If we were able to find the humor in life - and find positive action to fix the things we want to fix - our world would really be a much better place.

Highly recommended!

I must admit that, at times, I complain too much . . . so when I
saw Pastor Will Bowen interviewed on TV show, I was captivated by the
plan he has developed and written about in A COMPLAINT FREE WORLD.

He suggests that you wear a purple bracelet and "if you catch yourself
complaining, take the bracelet and move it to the other wrist" . . . if
you can go without complaining for 21 days--not an easy task, by
the way--then Bowen contends you will be well on your life to enjoying
the life you always wanted.

This short, yet very insightful book, has motivated me to at least
make an attempt to stop complaining . . . I'm also going to contact
the website that's mentioned to order my very own bracelet.

A COMPLAINT FREE WORLD had many ideas that I'm planning
to implement, but this one really struck me as being on target:

* The way out is to stop complaining and to express gratitude when
positive things happen. In every life, there are many, many things about
which to be grateful. To remind myself of this, as soon as I wake up each
day, I write down five things for which I am grateful. I have found that rather
than just think about what I'm appreciative of, if I write them down, it
sets a tone of gratitude for my entire day.

What a simple thing to do, yet potentially, I can see the benefits
starting just as soon as I begin doing so . . . in addition, I liked
this technique for making meal times more enjoyable:

* I realized that before we adopted a Complaint Free lifestyle, I was
teaching Lia that being at the family dinner table was a time to gripe
and gossip. I was modeling for her that this is how people act. I'm so
grateful now that our supper table is where we talk about blessings
and bright vistas. This is what I want to pass on to her so she'll model
this for her children and their children after them. Let family time be
joyous and happy, not a time to vent about how things didn't go your
way that day. I'm convinced that our lives are better because we're
not searching out (and thereby finding) negative things every day
to make sure we have dinner conversation that night.

And, lastly, there was this great concept that could be applied
in countless business situations:

* If we don't choose how we live our version of this one life with intention,
we will live it by default, following along after others. We often follow
along after others without even realizing we are doing so. When my father
was a young man, he managed a motel owned by my grandfather. The
motel was across the street from a used-car lot, and my dad worked out
an arrangement with the owner of the car dealership. On evenings when
the motel's business was slow, my father would go over and move a dozen
or so cars from the dealership into the motel parking lot. In a short time,
the motel would be full of paying customers. The people passing the motel
reasoned that if the lot was empty, the motel must not be very good.
However, if the motel's parking lot was full, the passersby figured it must
be a good play to stay. We follow others. And you have now become a
person who is leading the world toward peace, understanding, and
abundance for all.

If only I had more time to tell you more . . . oops, that sounds like a
complaint coming, so instead, I'll just tell you to rush out and get
your own copy of this book . . . I'm confident that you won't have
any complaints with my recommendation.

All I can say is, if you're thinking about ordering this book - do it! It's a quick read that makes a big impression. I was so moved by the "honk if you're happy" story. This is a practical way of applying The Law of Attraction. If you've seen The Secret and aren't sure how to put it into action, this can help.

In terms of self help, self improvement, and self awareness books this is in the top 3 that I have ever read. (The other two are Relationship Rescue by Dr Phil and The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living by the Dalai Lama.) An easy and relatively fast read, it provides tremendous insight into personal behavior. It can't help but make you a better person.

I have read far too many self-help books than I care to admit and I have found that about 80% of those books are either fluff or actually make you feel worse because they have THE plan, rather than A plan. Only about 20% of most the self-help books contents really were something of value. What I have found that actually works in most books can be summed up to the following:
1. Be mindful of what you are saying in a non-judgmental way.
2. Interrupt negative thinking before it interrupts your life.
3. Don't take yourself (your thoughts) so seriously.
4. Don't take others (their thoughts) so seriously.
5. Positive thinking is usually forced and doesn't typically work for most people.
6. Focusing on self-improvement too much puts you out of simply enjoying your life for what it is and is not right now.
Since reading this book, by watching my thoughts and making the effort to not speak negative I have been more creative in my thinking and that has allowed me to apply 1-6 above in my life right now. I have noticed my overall level of enjoying my life NOW has improved and in one month of trying this I have only made it one day so far completely complaint free. However, I will continue to work at this until I have gone the 21 days. Both my wife and I are loving the results of enjoying our life now rather than waiting for some "better" future. Which is why I love the subtitle, "How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted." What I am discovering is the life you always wanted is happening right NOW when you practice being complaint free. Were you planning on waiting for some tomorrow to start truly living anyway?

I very much enjoyed reading A Complaint Free World, it is an excellent book. I spend a lot of time on airplanes traveling for my job. In fact that is where I met Will Bowen. Will was on his way to New York to appear on the Today Show. I had heard about his movement and was curious about his background and inspiration to A Complaint Free World. I am always interested in success stories and self improvement methods.

I was surprised to learn Will Bowen was a Pastor, I expected him to be a clinical psychologist or academic theorist. I expected Will to be a guy that was sharing his experiences to naturally help people but more importantly to make money!! What I found out after talking with him is that this book and his movement is truly about helping to change the world in a positive way. Will's not Oprah but he is trying to make a difference in peoples lives.

I have always been a big fan of positive motivation theory. If you like Norman Vincent Peale, The Secret, and other positive motivational books you will love A Complaint Free World. It's a quick, enjoyable read, perfect for the airplane.