Customer Reviews

Complete Confidence: A Handbook

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

One of the aims of this book is to help short-circuit negative patterns and emotional habits that are rooted in childhood and adolescence. It can help you learn to stand on your own two feet, especially in an emotional/psychological sense, and navigate steadily through the ups and downs that are endemic to everyone's life.

The book offers you the tools but the effort has to be your own. I especially appreciated the advice to keep facing and working with personal fears, such as fear of public speaking.

The author takes a pragmatic approach that may seem gimmicky to some, but I found it useful. I think of her methods as training wheels, which are removed once the rider can balance on the bike. For example, the personal comfort phrase is not meant to be used forever - it is simply a way of suspending a habitual emotional reaction (such as anxiety or a temper tantrum) long enough to remain calm and have presence of mind, and respond to situations in a more mature way.

Finally, a book that shows you how to be responsible for yourself and manage your own feelings without being guilt tripped. It was a breath of fresh air to to read about logical solutions that were clear and simple to apply. No cheerleader pep talks, tricks to play on your mind, or unwanted religious opinions. I have applied what I learned from the book for just a few weeks now and I am amazed at how I have been able to hold my temper, get outside of myself and show some kindness, and most important, not except disrespect from anyone. The self help search ends here.
M. Browning
Brooklyn NY

This book gives extremely straight-forward and easy to follow advice that effects immediate change. It is refreshing to read words from a pyschotherapist that encourages people to take responsibility for ones actions and not trust those habitual feelings that ensure the repitition of problems and bad habits.
This has been extremely helpful to me as a man at a major crossroads in his life. THANK YOU to MS. HANKIN!

As self-help, the book argues most depression stems from emotional immaturity, a refreshing thesis. Hankin says many depressed need to grow up rather than self-medicate -- act rather than freeze in self-pity, self-castigation and blaming others. Her notion of pseudoreality, the world created through reliance on feelings, hit close to home for me.

But as a book it can be condescending and sappy. The end-of-chapter mantras, "Let us be frank, let us be clear," indicate Hankin needed an editor to dissuade her from rhetorical tricks. She has serious insights into the neuroses inspired by self-pity, especially how victimhood is self-centered, but she makes diagrams of them with hands and decks of cards.

"Do not trust your feelings." This is perhaps one of the most telling statement's in Sheenah Hankin's new book, "Complete Confidence: Playing the Game of Life with A Winning Hand." That was the original title of the book, although it seems a last-minute change was made in both the sub-title and the design of the books cover, which originally featured a photograph of the author as the queen image within a queen of hearts playing card. (Amazon used this cover image while it was still in the pre-order phase.) That original title was very appropriate since playing psychological games is very much a part of what this book is about.

The author writes ad-nauseam about her personal climb from a single mother to massively "successful" therapist and media personality. Her story strongly implies that being on television, treating more patients at a time than any of her colleagues (that doesn't seem like something to brag about...I know I would rather have a therapist that has time to work on my case and who doesn't have a fast-food methodology to treatment), and making a tremendous amount of money is a greater kind of success than that of those of us who work our hearts out to support and raise our children. She shows so much self-loathing for the period of time around her divorce, a divorce which seems to have stemmed from the fact that her was not making enough money to keep her in the lifestyle to which she was accustomed. The references she makes to her own children and the mistakes she made in raising them, made me feel sad for her grown children reading her book. The things that she writes about their father seem spiteful and show unresolved resentment even though they divorced long ago.

Back to her statement, ""Do not trust your feelings." I can't believe that a woman in this day and age would encourage an idea that has been used for centuries to discount, dismiss, and subjugate women. The term "hysteria" comes from the latin word for womb and was originally used by male doctors to explain, diagnose and subjugate women who refused to behave the way their fathers and husbands wished. The author's "snap out of it," approach is ominously similar in tone to the phrase, "be a man!" Her lack of respect for women and their feelings is offensive and given that she seems to be trying to show her own life as an example to her readers, she comes off as a terribly cold role-model.

In reading this book, I found myself thinking of "Best Picture", "American Beauty". The character, Buddy "The King of Real Estate" Kane says to Annette Bening's character: "Well, call me crazy, but it is my philosophy that in order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times."

If you have seen the film you will probably note the similarities in philosophy. You will also see how much good this theory does for people, and how much harm there is in false-confidence. Whoever changed the book cover did so wisely, IMO. This person is no queen of hearts.

I'll start with the negatives first..........the criticisms (something she talk about NOT doing in her book, but I digress..): 1. Sheena is a psychologist and not a psychiatrist. She has never studied biochemistry of the brain nor is she a biological scientist or physician. So, with that said maybe she shouldn't make blanket statements about anti-depressants and other types of things of that nature. 2. She does use that phrase "don't trust your feelings" alot. After reading most of the book though you get a sense that she doesn't mean it the way it comes across (cold). She is trying to get you to think more rationally rather than beating yourself up over every little thing that goes wrong.

She suggests that you comfort yourself rather than needing everyone else to comfort you all the time. Why isn't that good advice? Some of the critics above seem to bash her for that.

Maybe the person above who met her at the party met a woman who is not perfect, and maybe she really was 'dropping' names. However, the book itself was helpful. I think to analyze the author is kind of destructive and against the whole point of the book which is about feeling confident about one's own self.

Don't let the goofy cover and just a few negative reviews dissuade you - male or female, if you are looking for help with confidence, I highly recommend this book. I rarely write reviews but I wanted to put in a good word for this book since it was helpful to me. This book offers encouragement, practical techniques, and a fresh perspective on the problem. If you are struggling to get this area of your life handled, give this a read - you have so little to lose and so much to gain!

Finally a book that goes beyond the standard self-hep guruism! Sheenah Hankin offers an emotional education that leaves readers with the necessary tools to reach emotional maturity.

I discovered this book after seeing it mentioned in Woman's Day magazine. The author wants us to be realistic about what we like about ourselves and what bad habits we'd like to give up. Then we need to "challenge what you want to change." By this, she means if you're disgusted with your money problems, then meet with a financial planner to learn better ways to do things.
She has some good points here. People too often categorize themselves as "I'm not good at..." or "I never could do..." We can change. Hopefully this book will be the catalyst to help you change what you want to change and to appreciate what you already are able to do.

After reading the book, and being quite impressed with its practical, common sense approach, I now leave it in a convenient place on my bookshelf. I have found myself reaching for it when disturbing feelings arise, flipping through the index, and simply looking up the author's suggestions about "what to do." How refreshing, finally some answers rather than the usual mushy psychobabble!