28 of 30 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
WORST CONAN EVER!!!, November 8, 2003
This is by far the worst Conan book that I have read, no contest; it's so bad it's laughable.
The author must have been sitting at home, eating popcorn watching Mel Gibson in Bravehart, and thought, "This would make a great Conan Story, sure changes some stuff so as to not have to pay royalties to the producers, but why not!"
Why is it so bad?
1. Conan and his people are barbarians (think early Viking, Visigoths, Huns, etc.), but the Author has them living in a village straight out of the late middle ages, they have streets, they have multi room houses (many frontier American log cabins as well as most European peasants had single room homes well into the 19th century), they have a black smith with a bellows forge (middle ages tech), and their homes are thatched roofed, (yes, thatched, not animal skin, sod, or timber, but thatch, wrong climate and tech for barbarians). "Say, Conan, could you shovel the two tons of snow out of the living room--- again".
2. The Barbarians, have a tight laced Victorian morals (no really, you didn't know that well---) It seems that a people who have a life expectancy of no more than 30 years, were most girls would be married and have kids by their mid teens, well these Barbarians get all up tight about a 14 year old girl and a Count, (The author brings this up again and again, it's a central plot element).
3. Conan, the hard fighting, hard drinking, hard whenching Barbarian hero, in this book is so shy he's afraid to talk to the village girl he's sweet on. (No stop laughing, it gets even weirder). Conan's character it seems is the creepy Bates guy straight out the movie Psycho, "Yes, Mother. Can I get you anything Mother? Let me do that for you MOTHER!" can we say obsequious!
4. It seems that people while engaged in melee combat have the time, (and breath) to engage in long polite discussions with their opponents and friends, the battle scenes are the worst and least credible I have read, period. (Perhaps, the author should have been watching Russell Crow, in Gladiator, would have helped him more than Mel did.)
5. Conan's mother is dieing from a lung illness, (sounds like tuberculosis), she's been dieing for years we are told, she's in the end stage of the disease, she goes though another sub artic winter, and another, and another and just lives on!!!! (A person with TB confined to an early 20th century sanitarium with the best treatment would probably have had a life expectancy of only a few weeks given her symptoms, what an amazing miracle!)
6. The dialog doesn't flow all that well, and there are just soooooo many other logic and technical problems in this book, that its really just that bad!
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18 of 19 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Thank you for ruining Conan., November 19, 2003
This has to be the worst Conan book ever written. After reading the book, I have to wonder if Mr. Turtledove ever actually read a Conan book. He totally messes up on the entire idea of Cimmerians, having them live in towns!!!! Any one with any idea of the Conan mythos knows that the Cimmerians were a semi nomadic people. He also goes against the set ideas of Conan's parents, making his father a (blacksmith the only right part) natural part of the tribe (more like city) and his mother a practical sick invalid. Also, to make matters even worse, in what I feel is the biggest insult to Robert Howard and the countless other writers who have painstakingly developed the Conan series to what it is today, he makes the Cimmerians live under occupation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No Cimmerian would ever live under any type of yoke. Conan also forsakes Crom in the story and uses poisoned weapons another huge mistake turtledove incorporates into HIS Conan, and I say HIS for any true Conan fan would know that this is not the real Conan being depicted. On top of all the insulting depictions of Conan, the book is poorly written, with battle scenes being quick, tepid, and not at all detailed. Do yourself a favor and pick up any of TOR's other Conan books and stay away from this piece of garbage unless you want to make yourself purposely mad.
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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
HARRY IS A CONAN FAN?, January 7, 2005
This review is from: Conan of Venarium (Tor Fantasy) (Mass Market Paperback)
The book states that harry is a lifelong Conan fan. Well, it must be Conan O'Brian because it certainlt isn't Conan the Barbarian. How could anyone who ever READ and any of Robert E. Howard's works ever come up with such a mess as this. I was quite excited about it as the Sack of Vanarium is the first significant event that Robert E. Howard ever mentions about the 16 year old Conan but never put it into story. I would have preferred that it wasn't now. Of course this concerns Aquilonia, the most powerful kingdom of the Hyborian world, expanding its borders deep into the northen lands and into Conan's home of Cimmeria, and of the subsequent destruction of Venarium outpost by the Cimmerians.
Poorly developed characters including Conan's mother not to mention most of the Cimmerians who come off as more like brutish stupid Picts than the powerful, yet clever warriors they were. And since when do Cimmerians live in towns??? There were tribesman. Nomadic Tribesman who lived more along the lines of native Americans in animal skinned or wood huts or even caves...but not in structures that Turtledove describes.
The action scenes are poorly paced and boring, the characters are boring, and Conan comes off in his youth as a sniveling momma's boy. Turtledove makes Roland Green look like Tolkien by comparison. Just Awful!
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