Customer Reviews

The Confession

5 star:		(30)
4 star:		(9)
3 star:		(8)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(11)

 

 

I'm half way through "The Confession," and I'm sure I will finish it. Indeed, it's well written. And it certainly offers an inside look at what it's like to grow up as a gay person and to feel the need to hide who you really are. It's painful reading at times.

One cannot help but to feel for James McGreevey and to sympathize with how society has made it unbearable for people like him to be honest with their families, their employers, their friends, their colleagues and themselves. But by having this book be all about him, McGreevey so inadequately addresses the feelings of Dina, the wife he left behind.

In my view, McGreevey has done a real disservice to the thousands and thousands of women who learn their husbands are gay. What about Dina's feelings in all this? She's the one who will ultimately have to deal with McGreevey's coming out for the rest of her life.

I know this firsthand. My wonderful ex-husband of 17 years came out in January 1996 when our two kids were 15 and 13. He, like McGreevey, had been married twice -- once to his high school sweetheart, with whom he also had a child, and then to me. While I have always felt my ex-husband's pain and certainly recognize and abhor the discrimination that gays still experience, I can say with all candor that it's the "surviving straight spouse" who is ultimately left to pick up the pieces -- and often times in total isolation. After all, the gay man who comes out is warmly welcomed by the gay community from Day 1. But his wife has few with whom to turn.

I remember being shocked, sad beyond words, embarrassed and in total disbelief. My life and the lives of our children were turned upside down overnight. My entire belief system was shaken. I'm a resourceful person and, thank God, quickly figured out how to tap resources to help me begin to understand it. But it's been a painful and long process, and one that only time and faith have helped. I've been changed forever by my ex-husband's shocking revelation. But life indeed goes on, and, thankfully, I've been able to find happiness again. But....the experience will never go away. I shudder at the thought of the many women out there who live in rural areas, who aren't financially independent, who don't have familiues who support them (when they learn their husband is gay), or who aren't as resourceful. My heart goes out to them all.

The incredible betrayal that Dina certainly feels cannot be explained adequately. As my therapist told me shortly after my ex came out, "Your husband spent years and years coming to terms with this. Now it's your turn."

I think folks are missing the point of the book in many respects. It is not psycho-babble, nor is he trying to explain away political transgressions. He is being completely honest for the first time in his life. If you read the whole book it is very clear why he made the decisions he did. Unless you have lived what he went through, spending your formative years being told you were abomination and mentally ill, and watching a society allow hateful behavior toward gays in all of its institutions, you cannot understand why he chose to try to conform to what is considered normal behavior. This story is not unique to McGreevy; literally thousands of men and women are living the story in this book every day. I find his words inspiring, honest, and candid. This issue is not going away, folks. Many of you are going to find out you have gay sons and daughters. Then you will understand the McGreevy story. As the son of a Baptist minister, McGreevy's story is mine. I praise him for having the courage to write it and I thank those of you who bash it, because then more people will buy it and get it out there. It is a very important book.

While I am no political expert, and had never heard of Jim McGreevey before I happened to be in NYC on vacation when his "Gay American" scandal broke, I remember thinking at the time that his was a story of another politician falling from grace in a magnificent spectacle that had little or nothing to do with government or governing.

But 2 years later, having just finished the book (note to some reviewers: reading a book is a good step to take before reviewing it) it was, for me, a powerful lesson in a number of ways, many of which might have been unintended.

First and foremost, it was a brutal reminder of how hypocritical and utterly ridiculous Western society has become with regards to politicians and politics in general. Elections and subsequent terms have seemingly little to do with doing the work of the general population; elections have become excruciating exposes focusing on things that have little if anything to do with governing or policymaking, fueled by a lethal combination of our own complacence/apathy and our increased hunger for information about things that are absolutely none of our business nor of any import. And, once elected, the work of the elected is less about doing good for the people than it is about paying back all of the devils they had to sell their souls to in order to get elected. We, the public, are guilty for allowing - and, by our voracious appetite for the salacious and scandalous, encouraging - this unhealthy and ultimately counterproductive weakening of the government that is supposed to serve us. Jim McGreevey's homosexuality was only political because we've allowed it to become such.

The second major lesson I took from this book, as a gay man, is that without taking it on unabashedly and with full honesty, 'the closet' remains a factor in all of our lives even many years after we think we've blown the door off and forever exited the confines and constraints, What will linger with me for some time to come is the basic questions he poses: how and where are we duplicitous in our everyday lives and how much of a toll does it take on us? In a society so obsessed with the superficial, celebrity and mass adoration, how many personal and ethical compromises do we all make on a daily basis to achieve a specific end, forcing us further and further down the path of self-imposed duality? I came out 15 years ago, and reading this book was a painful reminder that I still have a long way to go before I will ever complete that process, let alone getting to a place in my life where I am at peace with all that coming out truly entails.

I make no judgments as to whether or not Mr. McGreevey was corrupt, and I don't excuse (not that it's my place to - another flaw of the judgment-prone American public) the pain he inflicted on those closest to him. However, his willingness to share his personal journey in such a soul-baring way, and his thoughtful analysis of what it means (and how hard it truly is) to be authentic in today's society are deeper questions that we can and should all ask ourselves. In the end, while I maintain that many of us would crumble in a fraction of the time and with a fraction of the scrutiny that he and other public figures face/d, I find it even more compelling to think that most of us could likely not withstand it on a much smaller, but infinitely more important scale - the thoughtful and brutally honest evaluation of ourselves.

Long story short - if you've already made up your mind about Mr. McGreevey, there's no point in reading this book, because you will only see what you want to see. If, however, you're not so self-righteous as to think that you know everything there is to know about him - or anyone, for that matter - by watching or reading the "news", the book is, if nothing else, a compelling story and a personal journey that will hopefully find you asking yourself some pretty big questions.

Absolutely amazing that this person can create excuses for all his behavior. He had one goal in life - to get to the Presidency - and everything he did was to advance that goal including marrying Dina his 2nd wife. This woman was in the wrong place at the wrong time and got enmeshed in the web of lies and avarice that ruled McGreevey's life. How incredible that everybody else is the cause of what he did - no responsibility from him, no true apology to his wife for what he did. He robbed his wife of the ability to trust anybody else and left his daughter with the legacy of her father's lies and continued hypocrisy. His sexuality has nothing to do with the morally corrupt person he is. He continues to lie and try to rehabilitate himself in the eyes of the public - remember this is what he has done over and over! Don't fall into the trap of believing any of his explanations; you may want to believe in the goodness of people but this man has no redeeming values at all. I am sorry that Oprah ever had him on her show - he was great theater at that time- but he is such a manipulator. This is so sad for Dina's daughter but also for his older daughter who is of an age to understand what has gone on.

An interesting read. Compelling and emotionally involving. I truly commiserated with McGreevey. While I am not gay, as someone raised catholic I understood the catholic guilt aspect and really felt for him. My only problem with the entire book is that I wonder if McGreevy would have been willing to give up the charade if he basically didn't have that proverbial gun put up to his head.
As for his object of desire, I totally bought into his description of this appealing man until I saw him being interviewed on Larry King. Either the boyfriend Golan is the smarmiest liar on the planet or the biggest victim.

i had been waiting for this book for a while now. i must say... for me... it delivered. i was very angry at mcgreevey because i felt he shouldn't have been in the closet in the 21st century america as an "american" (as he so famously pointed out he was "gay american.") i felt i could forgive the closetted men of "third" world because of the less open societies of their parents, families, friends, etc.

but what i learned from this book is that we are all shaped by our experience; our lives are dictated by the experience we are sometimes forced by the world, and how sometimes the (wrong, albeit) decisions we make take us to our downfall.

as a queer man who struggles with the hatred of the world, i'm glad that mcgreevey is at least telling the truth finally, all of it; the good, the bad and the ugly. the more i read the book, the more my anger disappeared.

if the story mattered to you in anyway, you should definitely pick this book up. but be prepared to see what a painful life it is to be a gay man in the world and have to hide your identity. it is not pretty.

i thank you, mr. mcgreevey :)

Most people who are reviewing this book (both in the media and on amazon) have totally missed the point. This book isnt about coruption, the people he surrounded himself with while in office. Its not about how good or bad a govenor he was. Its not about what he did or didnt do for the people of NJ. The book is about someone who had it drilled in his head that he had to be a certain way. Its about someone who struggled to suppress something they were taught to ignore. Innocent people where hurt in the process, but this struggle is all too common. He is not the first or last gay person to try and fit into what is considered "normal". Anyone who isn't interested in reading about the path it took for him to finally come out, has no buisness reading or reviewing this book. If your looking for the details of corruption, look elsewhere.

I've always been a fan of Jim McGreevy's, and I was anxious to dive into this book, especially being a gay man. Now that I've finished it, I have to say that I'm a little polarized about it. What I was hoping for: a real in-depth look at McGreevy's struggles to come out; an in-depth history of his gay experiences; and how he had to come to terms with all of this leading up to, and following, his announcement 2 years ago that he was resigning. What the book actually is: 90% of it is just a political memoir/accounting of his life story from a political perspective. I'd guess that only 10% (possibly 20%) of the book (in the aggregate) is devoted to his gay experiences and his struggle to come to terms with himself. When he does dive into the gay topic, he articulated some things so eloquently, and so perfectly, that they truly resonated with me. He could teach a therapist or two some great things -- his observations, especially in regards to gay shame -- are spot-on. So the book is good, but I found myself skimming through a lot of the facts and figures about his running for various offices, etc etc, looking for the more substantive emotional content. It's definitely there, but readers should be aware in advance that this isn't a "gay book" -- it's primarily a political memoir/life story, and rather than having the gay topic be the meat of the story, it's just the garnish. I would've liked to read more about that. Overall, though, a quality read.

When congressman Barney Frank feared getting outed, he didn't go and get married like Jim did. Frank came out and admitted his sexual orientation and became more popular than ever. Jim however married twice and had children. His sexual activities were quite common to lots of people even in his city of Woodbridge. Jim's not a role model for any "Gay American." Jim used it as an excuse to hide from the political shortfall of his administration. Nobody told him what to do ever. His family would have still loved him regardless of his sexual orientation. The scene broadcasted on television announcing his resignation failed to show the fact that he was the leader of the most corrupt administration in our state's history. As for Jim's book, he's clearly in love with himself and now he's getting thousands of Americans to be suckered like I was (twice) into supporting him. Don't say you weren't warned!

Why is it surprising to some that Jim McGreevey had to suppress and hide his homosexuality for all these years, even in professional life? Given how highly prejudiced, hateful, and even violent many of our fellow Americans have been towards gay individuals, even today, McGreevey's actions were borne out of self-preservation and necessity. This, my friends, is called human nature. A person's sexuality is his or her business alone, and gay individuals have every right to live safe, accepted, and productive lives just as heterosexual people like my wife and I do. This includes gay marriage. We have so many pressing, real problems facing us as a society (healthcare and insurance costs; good job creation- jobs offshored to India and China; record incarceration numbers; mental illness; energy costs and availability; war in Iraq, etc. etc.) that it is pathetic and abhorrent so many of us politicize and hate gays to the point where people like Jim McGreevey must still 'hide in the closet' and come out only after decades of painful 'soul searching'. Will there ever come a day when we can all coexist with and accept each other so that the Jim McGreeveys of the world do not have to write a book like this in the first place?!?!