Customer Reviews

Confessions of a Cineplex Heckler: Celluloid Tirades and Escapades

5 star:		(6)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I loved Joe Queenan's "If You Are Talking to Me your Career Must be in Trouble" and have sought out everything else he has written since reading that hilarious book several years ago. This book is a disappointment. Part of the problem is that when put together, you realize that a lot of his essays consist either of: (a) the juxtaposition of movies with similar story lines to illustrate the point that Hollywood movies are formulaic (shocking revelation; its amusing the first time he does it, but wears thin after a while); or (b) attempting to do replicate feats in movies in real life to illustrate the concept that Hollywood movies are unrealistic (another shocking revleation; this wasn't funny to me even the first time). The essay which involved him acting like a jerk in movie theatres just didn't work for me either. Still has a few chuckles in it and good observations on movies. The piece about nun movies is quite amusing.

You could make a pretty strong case that Joe Queenan is one of the funniest people around (the good folks at the Simpsons would, in my mind, be his stiffest competition). You could also argue that Queenan is the meanest man in the world, although Indiana basketball coach Bobby Knight seems to have a stranglehold on the title (no pun intended). But without a doubt Queenan is the funniest mean man on the planet, or the meanest funny man, take your pick. His humor isn't based on a quirky take on modern society or on expletive-laden tirades against foreign convienience store workers. No, Queenan focuses his hilarious malevolence on those people who stare down at us from the covers of People and Vanity Fair, the famous actors and singers and writers and other entertainment types we all supposedly revere.

The reviews and essays aren't just lazy hack jobs done from the confort of his couch. Queenan's great service to the public is through his exhaustive research of such esoteric topics as Bad Nun Movies and Blarniful Irish Films. He exposes himself to ludicrous risks to shine the light of truth and dispell the darkness that Hollywood casts. He takes a dip in the Atlantic to prove that Leonardo DiCaprio wouldn't have been so chatty bobbing around in the drink at the end of "Titanic". He volunteers to watch the entire Merchant-Ivory catalogue. In the title essay he assumes the role of the jerk at the back of the theater who shouts insults at the screen, ruining "El Mariachi" and "Alive" for the other moviegoers, any of whom could be a hulking Vincent Spano fan prepared to cave in Queenan's skull.

It is amazing, as you read Queenan's malevolent reviews, what total crap Hollywood regularly excretes and expects us to revere as art. He exposes many movies as stupid, insulting, moronic, self-serving, or just plain awful. That his reviews are also hilarious is just a nice added bonus.

Joe Queenan is a cynical b*stard. No, that's not an insult, and he probably wouldn't take it as such. In fact, he'd probably revel in it and tell me to keep up the good work. Queenan used to write for Movieline magazine and, for me at least, was the only thing worth reading in there. Confessions of a Cineplex Heckler: Celluloid Tirades and Escapades is a collection of some of these articles. As long as you don't mind raw language and (usually) snarky comments about movies and movie stars, you won't find a funnier book of entertainment essays around. I had to read parts of this book out loud to my wife (who has already read it, but so long ago that she doesn't remember details) because I had to talk about them to somebody.

This was my first exposure to Queenan (at my wife's urging) and I can definitely say I'm going to track down the rest of his books. He has a self-admittedly bad attitude which doesn't really suit every reader, but makes me laugh and giggle endlessly at what he says. The title article, where he goes to certain movies and heckles them loudly to see how long it will take before other movie-goers will do something other than say "shhhhhh!" works on two levels: it shows what a complete a** he can be, but it also shows how passive a society we have become. He went to ten films and shouted things at the screen or at audience members who politely asked him to be quiet (such as "The movie's in Greek, pal. Potato chips can't drown out subtitles") In only one of these movies was he thrown out, and most of the other time, people either just tried to ignore him or basically just said "shhhh!" Very rarely did anybody actually do anything about it.

That's one of the great things about Queenan. Sometimes, behind all the cynicism and general bad behaviour, there's a point to his articles. There's a wonderful article on Spike Lee in here, where Queenan not only interviews him, but comments on the interview too. Queenan doesn't ask the soft, simple questions but instead asks Lee things about the craft of his movies, even criticizing a bit and asking him to respond (like asking him about the long, drawn out endings to his movies). He comments in the article about how good he thinks Lee is, despite some of the problems in his films. Some see the article as tearing down Lee, but I saw a lot of respect underneath the smart-a** questions, questions that say "I like your movies, but couldn't they be better if you do [fill in the blank]?" Of course, he does end the article with a note written since the article was published, saying that he would think that, after Lee heckled Reggie Miller of the Indiana Pacers in a playoff game, inspiring him to 50+ points and the win, that the New York Knicks would have "kicked his scrawny a**. No such luck." But again, I think that's his good-natured cynicism.

There are plenty of other hilarious articles in this wonderful book, and only a couple of clunkers. Some of the great articles are: the first "Don't do this at home" where he tries to enact certain movie scenes to see if they are at all realistic, an article on Irish films and their cliches, an article about the suddenly common practice of ear mutilation in films, Antonio Banderas and why he keeps getting pushed down our throats as "the newest star" though his movies keep bombing, bad hair in films, and too many more to mention unless I just do a list, which would get boring really fast.

There are a couple of skippable ones in this book, though. "For Members Only," an article about the mutilation of male genitalia in movies, is kind of boring. An article about how he became a crusader against sitting through bad films, and started reimbursing customers who went to see them falls a little flat. And the article on his foray into watching just foreign films and how he discovers they are the same horrible stuff that Hollywood is putting out, while mildly interesting, lacks some of the zing of his other articles. Unfortunately, the book ends on a lackluster note with another "Don't Try This at Home" article that's nowhere near as good as the first one in the book.

Still, if you like cynical humour, can put up with foul language and wondering if there is a movie in the world that Queenan likes (he does compliment quite a few films, though some of those compliments are sort of back-handed), then you will love this book. Queenan has quite the way with words, and as long as his style doesn't turn you off, he's a great writer. Some of the articles talked about movies I'd never heard of, but I didn't care. His writing made the article worthwhile. Personally, I'm going to be tracking down all of his other books and giving them a try as well.

So many nasty reviews about this book have missed one point entirely. Is Joe Queenan funny? Yes. Is Joe Queenan mean and cynical? Of course. Does Joe Queenan have a right to be? Well, have you seen the dreck that Hollywood releases every Friday? Of course Joe Queenan is going to be mean and cynical, especially when we could pay off the nation debt if we took all of our movie going and video renting money and sent it to the government instead of waiting in line to rent "Bring It On" or catch the matinee showing of "Dude, Where's My Car?" I wholeheartedly support Queenan's endeavours, and pray to God Jason Biggs and Freddie Prinze, Jr. will retire from acting. Write on, Joe.

Humorist and film critic Joe Queenan has one of the most biting sense of humors around. Reading along as he skewers Hollywood, a pompus institution that sorely needs it, is sheer pleasure. The book is mostly a series of essays in which Quennan takes on one aspect or another of Hollywood filmmaking and works it over with his lethal prose. Anyone who loves Queenan's writing, or who is dedicated film buff should love "Confessions of a Cineplex Heckler."

That said, the book is a bit dated. Most of the individual chapters were articles Queenan wrote for "Movieland" magazine between ten and five years ago. Though I had seen many of the movies he makes reference to, I occasionally had to strain my memory to recall exactly what he was talking about. That one caveat aside, however, I give "Confessions of a Cineplex Heckler" an enthusiastic "Thumbs Up!"

Confessions of a Cineplex Heckler is a collection of previously released essays by Joe Queenan. They are all in the typical Queenan fashion of mean spirited humor that Mr. Queenan has perfected. You will find yourself laughing out loud at his skewering of the self-important film industry. His essay on Irish films and their Blarney quotient is absolutely brilliant.

This a great collection of essays by Joe. There are some real treasures here and the beginning of the book had me crying in the aisles of the plane. Unfortunately as the book wears on you come across some less exciting articles. They're all well written and entertaining but the guffaws become a little less frequent. I can see why you'd apprciate coming across his articles once a month in Movieline rather and trying to chug through them all at once. Still I thought it was a lot of mean spirited fun and recommend this book. My only other recommendation is that you take a break between chapters.

I've got nothing against Joe Queenan's curmudgeon act--heck, that's been a staple among critics with attitude forever. But some indescrible something is lacking in his work. His jokes are all root and no tree, most of the time. I dunno, maybe it's something to do with his delivery. Mr. Cranky at mrcranky.com is good for a crude bellylaugh. P. J. O'Rourke, when he lampoons pop culture, usually puts a wicked twist in his observations. Queenan to me just seems more windy than pithy.

You can add a star to this review if you are a knowledgeable movie lover, and you laugh when an actor's name serves as the punchline in a joke.

This is the first Joe Queenan book I have read (it was a gift), so I had no expectations one way or the other. I gave this book two stars only because most of the essays, taken individually, were clever and amusing if not overly funny. But read consecutively, they were very repetitive and were characterized by the same theme... that this guy seems to hate most films. He also has a somewhat pretentious writing style, which is also accentuated by the repetitive themes. He really doesn't have much to say that isn't basically mean spirited. But he is quite clever and occasionally amusing. If you buy this book, try reading an essay every month or so... but not over a short period of time.

I couldnt stop laughing at this story of how Queenan the movie reviewer decides he too can make a movie. The opening paragraphs will crack you up. I have always liked Q's snide style, satire, cynicism and this book is full of all that. Queenan's prodding his uninterested son into acting was one of the funnier moments, but I enjoyed the whole book and have read it several times when needing a laugh--My Goodness! Balsamic Dreams, Red Lobster, et. al. Queenan is the best pick me up when a good guffaw is in order.