Confessions of a Lost Mother [Paperback]

Elisa M. Barton (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 1996

"What was it like, giving up a child?"

This is the question that prompted the author to examine, for the first time, her true feelings about the child she gave up for adoption some twenty years earlier. In this collection of email letters and posts to mailing lists, the above question and similar ones are discussed by people from all three sides of the adoption triad: birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees. Topics of discussion include searching for one's birth parents or child, the fallacy of "birthmother's choice," abortion and adoption, and "The Best Adoption Whorehouse in America."

To say this book is an emotional one is a massive understatement: it is by turns heartwrenching and ecstatic; an incitement to anger and a blanket of comfort. I can hardly imagine what it would be like for someone who is a part of the adoption triad (I am not) to read it--I had to put it down a few times and wait for the tears to subside.

Thus, Confessions Of A Lost Mother is not just a book for those of an adoption triad, but for anyone interested in the psychology and sociology of family. In a very personal way, this book brings to light what adoption can really be like--and it's not about turning your back and going merrily on your way, which seems to be a favorite phrase of those who counsel pregnant teens. Read this book only if you are prepared to think and feel--and to have many of your previous notions turned upside down.

Editorial Reviews

Review

When she was 20 years old Elisa Barton had an out-of-wedlock pregnancy and gave birth to a baby boy. She signed the surrender papers seventy-two hours after birth. Ten months later she graduated from school and got married. Twenty years later a question appearing on her computer screen triggered thoughts and feelings that had lain dormant for over two decades. The question was: "What was it like, giving up a child?". The result of her soul searching and self-examination has resulted in a riveting book -- Confessions Of A Lost Mother. This book should be on the reading list of every highschool "family life" curriculum and on the shelves of every community library and planned parenthood clinic in the country. -- Midwest Book Review

Product Details

• Paperback: 157 pages
• Publisher: Elisa M Barton (April 1996)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0965079503
• ISBN-13: 978-0965079501
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 6 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,442,643 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars The Emotions of Being a Birthmother, January 30, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Confessions of a Lost Mother (Paperback)

As a "lost birthmother" myself, just the title of this book called out to me. Reading it, I was not disappointed. Elisa Barton's book, which includes a collection of intimate thoughts and stories written by triad members also reveals the genuine camaraderie, learning and healing that can occur through Internet support groups, a medium many are yet unaware of. "Hearing" these emotions firsthand, in the writers' own words, lends credence to the oftentimes turbulent, heart-wrenching emotions of adoption and especially relinquishment. Ms. Barton adds to these tales her valuable wisdom and experience gleaned through her own poignant journey. Her "timebomb" theory is brilliant and right on target. It's something that all birthmothers can now relate to or surely will at some time in the future. I only wish I had read it before the explosion of my own "timebomb" as the insight would have been immeasurably helpful in validating my own feelings of loss and sorrow. Anyone wishing to more clearly understand the birthmother experience will benefit from reading this book.

9 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Sincere and Outspoken Birthmother Book, June 21, 1999

By 

[e-mail] (Mary Anne Cohen) (Whippany, NJ) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Confessions of a Lost Mother (Paperback)

This book gives the opinions and tell the stories of birthmothers and adoptees who "met" on the internet, interwoven with birthmother Elisa Barton's own story. As a long-time adoption reformer and confirmed technophobe, I was at first skeptical of the worth of internet exchange, but have since become drawn into it myself, and have come to appreciate both email communication in some forms, and this book.

Elisa is a woman of fire and conviction, which comes as a welcome change from the half-dead, wishy-washy style of many social work types in adoption. You may not agree with all her conclusions or beliefs, but you cannot doubt her sincerity or deep commitment to adoption reform and to helping her sister birthmothers.

This is a book that all involved in adoption should read--to see how deeply and often cruelly adoption has affected many birthmothers for their entire lives. It may not apply to all, but to those it does, it is real, and a story that must be told if adoption is ever to become more humane and less exploitive.

Elisa has done us all a service in telling her story, and the stories of other adoption reformers on-line. Her book is attractive, well-written, and passionate--read it!

Mary Anne Manning Cohen: Birthmother, Poet, Origins Co-Founder

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Poignant, February 7, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Confessions of a Lost Mother (Paperback)

Having never met my real father, what I read in this book touched me. A beautiful book.