Customer Reviews

Confessions of a Slacker Mom

5 star:		(40)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(12)
2 star:		(8)
1 star:		(20)

 

 

You should know before reading Muffy Mead-Ferro's short book that she has a nanny for her two children. That small nugget was tucked into the last chapter of this meandering lazy attempt at countering anything and everything in parenting help books. It's difficult to take a writer seriously when they don't put all of their credentials relating to the topic up front. If someone is going to espouse the idea that being a lazy mom is okay, you should note that you can afford to act this way since you are lucky enough to have hired help. Besides, if your children don't turn out perfect, you'll always have someone else to blame.

The idea of the book is that Muffy doesn't want to buy loads of educational toys, put headphones on her abdomen during pregnancy, get warmers for the wet wipes, etc. All the things that many modern (Yuppie) parents are lead to believe are necessary to get their children into the best pre-schools, high schools, and universities. It's a great idea (a lot of this needs to be said), but the author really falls flat when expanding on these ideas. Her rationale for not wanting to do all these things is that her parents didn't and she turned out okay. Fine, but we all know that. Most parents didn't read How-To guides and yet their children still managed to survive and thrive. Mead-Ferro's lack of explication is irritating (as is her literary eye-rolling when talking about other parents) and results in repetitive and obvious "revelations." The book is a wonderful idea but poorly executed and almost completely devoid of any innovative or interesting ideas. The lack of depth leaves only enough material for a light magazine article. A real shame.

I agree with much the author has to say here---we DO get our kids too many toys, it WON'T kill them to have working parents or to not always be the center of our attention. However, the tone here is just plain grating! The author seems to feel that no-one in the world outside her extended family has ever really gotten parenting right---everyone else in the world is a hovering, overinvolved child-centered fool. I really did search for a reference to other people she might feel have done an okay job---in vain. One can't help but being a bit catty and saying to oneself "her kids are pretty darn young, I would really rather take advice from someone with just a TAD more experience and older kids, as it's pretty easy to put the rules in place that she has with the 6 and under crowd" I also thought about how despite her often talking about her childhood on the ranch, she mentions sort of in passing how various members of her family became State Governer, and others were lawyers. I wonder if she would feel the same about not giving her kids too much if she had grown up truly not having enough---not enough food, no toys because none could be afforded...etc.

But all this is mainly fueled by my annoyed feelings at the "better than you" tone of this book. I think the author has valid points, and I am sure she's a good mother. I just think she should have waited just a little longer into her parenting career to write this, and perhaps acknoledged that others in the world may have had the same ideas she did!

The author of this book is certainly not a "slacker" in the sense of "lazy". "Slack-er" as in `less slack', or more laid-back, maybe, but certainly NOT a slacker - she's an working mother of two (albeit, with outside help), so it's extremely unlikely `lazy' is even in her dictionary.

So what's this book about? A quick summary:

1.Don't spend money on un-necessary stuff, e.g. too many toys.

2.Why it's not a good idea to spoil your kids

3.Why it's not a good idea to over-protect your kids

4.Teach your kids to think for themselves

5.It's Ok to get mad as long as you express it correctly

6.Why it's important to have a life of your own

7.Listen to your instincts - kids were being brought up perfectly well, even before all the parenting books (and sites) came to be

All-in-all sensible advice, but not necessarily all that easy to apply, so if you're looking for a quick-fix solution, this is not the book for you.

If, however, you're looking for a book that will make you feel more comfortable about parenting your way (as opposed to some author's way) this may well be the one for you.

I can't begin to express how disappointed I was with this book. The blurbs and such suggested that it was a lighthearted jab at the attitude that there are umpteen million "requirements" for new parents and the narrow-minded, self-congratulatory self-righteousness that sometimes accompanies that attitude. ("You mean you didn't childproof your entrance hall?" "Our baby was signing 'I love opera' by 10 months!")

Oh my, was I in for a surprise. The author clearly disdains the current high-requirements parenting attitude, but all she's doing is replacing it with her own parenting attitude -- the self-righteousness remains there full force.

Examples:

- Not only is supporting your children's activities (say, cheering them on at the soccer game) not necessary -- it's actually *bad* for them, because it encourages them to achieve to win your approval instead of for themselves.

- Childproofing your home and aiming to protect your children from injury? Again, not just unnecessary but *detrimental* -- how else will your children learn to avoid danger if they don't get roughed up a bit?

Really, the author's entire point seems to be "Here is how I was raised, and it's clearly superior." (She was raised on a ranch, which she mentions approximately umpteen gazillion times.) In other words, it's the same old parenting-advice guilt trip in slightly different packaging. Late in the book, she tosses out some cliche about parents "listening to their own instinct" or some such, but that's balderdash -- make no mistake that the instinct she wants you to listen to is *hers*.

I don't know where she gets the "slacker mom" business. She does emphasize prioritizing yourself, including making mothering easier and less time-consuming (and not following this is -- surprise! -- *bad* for your children). But she's not advocating "slacking" as a concept. Indeed, she goes out of her way to emphasize what a non-slacker she is overall -- if I had a dollar for every time she gushes about what a dynamo she is professionally, I might have gotten back the money I wasted on the book in the first place. She is advocating a particular parenting strategy which happens to include low parental involvement compared to other strategies, but which is lauded as a superior strategy based on results in children, not ease for parents.

I have two young children, and I think that we are all disserved by parenting "advice" that is smug, superior and narrow-minded. Perhaps people who share the authors views will enjoy the book --as she pats herself on the back, she will be patting her likeminded peers as well. And it does make the rather obvious point that the current culture of hysterical consumerist baby-focus is absurd.

Beyond that, this book is a total waste of time and money.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book! I found her annecdotes thorougly entertaining, and often laughed out loud.
It should be clearly understood that this is not a "how to" parenting book, and should never be mistaken for one. Instead, it is one woman's account of trying to navigate through the incredibly tricky maze of parenting. Fortunately for us, she she presents her take on the whole thing through a wonderful sense of humor. If you can't laugh at yourself as a parent, perhaps this isn't a book for you.
I congratulate Muffy Mead-Ferro's courage to question some of today's "modern wisdom" about raising children and instead, listen to her gut about what's right for her children. And I commend her ability to "confess" about it!
I agreed with her about some things in the book and disagreed about others, but that's what makes this book so fun to read. We all have our own styles of parenting and should trust our instincts enough to follow them. Although I consider myself a slightly more experienced mother (I have kids ranging in age from 15 to 4), I gleaned some wonderful nuggets of wisdom from her childhood days on a Wyoming Ranch. These were some of my favorite parts.
I have recommended this book to many friends, and have purchased it for several gifts. It's a great read for parents of all ages.

I live in the Suburban Capital of the World and have, at most recent count, 7 hyper-competitive moms on my block. The decision to have a baby honestly hinged on whether or not I could be a parent and not succumb to the frightening way that parents handle parenthood in my area...it's all about coddling the kids and sacrificing their marriages, livelihood and FICO score {{for the children}}. Please! I loved the "slacker mom" ideal and it took me back to my own childhood when children were raised and loved but not spoiled, overindulged and given an unearned sense of entitlement! I sent my copy to my best friend in Virginia who is also a "slacker mom"! She'll LOVE it and be proud to know she's not screwing up her kid by not revolving her life around it!

Parenting has got to be the ultimate sacred cow, so I applaud Muffy Mead-Ferro for her willingness to poke fun at the extremes we parents sometimes go to, her ability to laugh at herself, and her belief in her kids, and all kids, to figure at least some things out for themselves -- even if that means a "lesser" role for the parents.

I think the title "Slacker Mom" however is totally tongue-in-cheek because it actually takes more effort for a parent who loves their kids to back off than to smother.

It is odd that some reviewers found it disingenuous for Mead-Ferro to caution parents about the effectiveness of marketing, since she has had a career in marketing. I felt just the opposite, that she is someone who knows what she's talking about because she's been there. She knows what lengths advertisers will go to and this is the reason she suggests that we parents should take their messages about all the stuff we're supposed to buy for our kids with a grain of salt.

Of course there is a contingent who will never think that it's okay for a mom to have a job or a career -- a situation which will almost always necessitate some type of child care arrangement. But in our day and age that is not only unrealistic but a disservice to women, and one reason this book is a welcome relief is that it reminds us working moms that we don't need to feel guilty about it -- it's absolutely possible to be a great parent (and a great example) to your kids, even though you have a career.

The ideas of this book are important ones, although they are presented in a humorous (and often self-deprecating) way. I hope they catch on.

My quarrel with this book is not that Ms. Mead-Ferro has a full-time nanny or a full-time job. And I agree with her philosophy of slacker parenting. My main complaint about "Confessions of a Slacker Mom" is that it is so boring. Clearly, the intent was a book infused with humor, but the funny parts fall flat because they've already been done to death. Gee, no one else has ever written a parenting book with references to "prenatal lunacy." To write about a pregnant woman who is also capable of rational thought--now that would be fresh and original.

Much of the book consists of the author's reminiscences about her childhood or the lives of her grandparents on their cattle ranch. These did not hold my interest. It's too bad, because some people are able to write their memoirs and make them charming and interesting to the reader, but Mead-Ferro fails in this respect. Nearly every sentence begins with the word "I" and I found myself skimming large sections because they were so tedious.

The rest of the book consists of the author slyly patting herself on the back because her slacker ways will result in children who are well-mannered, interesting and resourceful. She's probably right there, but many other parents know this too and don't feel compelled to write a book about it.

If you want to read a few interesting sentences about the value of slacker parenting, buried in an avalanche of personal memories I recommend that you find this book at the library and save your money for something else.

Guess what, moms aren't the only ones who try too hard to be superparents and try too hard to turn their kids into superkids -- practically deifying them in the process. Dads do it too and I for one have jumped off the merry go round. I have a 3-year old daughter and I would much rather spend some quality time having a tea party with her, or playing with play-dough, or drawing pictures, than driving her all over town to participate in competitive sports, do activities at museums and basically try to show how much smarter and better she is than the other kids. It's incredible to me but in this day and age that seems to make me a slacker dad. Well, so be it. I think kids need love more than they need flash cards. Competition among parents is running rampant these days but I don't think in the end it is doing our kids much good. I am glad there are finally some new books out there (Mead-Ferro's is one but also check out The 3-Martini Playdate and How Not to Totally Suck as a Parent) that are calling foul! Books like these will make some people mad because they won't like the idea that anyone would ever say it's okay to do less when it comes to raising your kids, especially if it might actually save the parent some time and money that could be used for better things, but I say let them go ahead and have their own rat race while the rest of us get back to some semblance of normalcy, giving both ourselves and our kids a break as we "slack off ". Personally I think the Supermom and Superdad era is coming to an end and that most people realize we've gone too far and it's time for the pendulum to swing back the other way. Our kids will find out that holy cow, they're not the only person on the planet, but they'll benefit from that and so will the rest of our society.

I will admit one thing right now, I am glad that I didn't read the spotlight reviewers or any other reviewers before I bought this book or even before I read it. I guess the author has touched some sore spots with this little book.

As for me, I found this book refreshing. It is honest. I didn't find it bitter or anything. I laughed out loud in places where I even recognize myself and while I don't agree with every single thing this woman said, I enjoyed her perspectives and thoughts. As a mom of twin preschoolers, I have been known to buy excessive amount of toys till in a fit of frustration, give a good part of it away. I am known to scrapbook ~~ which I love to do and count myself fortunate to be able to do that. I still laugh though over Mead-Ferro's description of her first scrapping party (which I have never attended either ~~ I prefer to do those things solo). Sure I am a stay-at-home mom ~~ but I didn't find this book insulting at all.

I find it delightful, thoughtful and with good points. So what if she has a nanny? She mentioned that she grew up on a ranch in Wyoming and the stable hands were her nannies. She was just stressing the point what works for her works for her and she is not alarmed to have someone else watch her kids. In fact, she did mention that she's a happier person because she's not trapped at home and feeling guilty ~~ she's enjoying her job and providing a good role model for her children in seeing that work is not bad.

She wasn't warped by the fact that her parents worked hard all day and expected the same of her and her brothers. She wasn't warped because of her lack of toys. She didn't lose out educationally because she didn't have all those educational toys (which after seeing how MY two just dump them in the toy box ... she has good points regarding that. Think it's odd that her daughter played for hours with an empty paper towel roll ~~ my two play with my pots and pans, and play choo choo trains with kitchen chairs and yes, with an empty paper towel roll). She was taught responsibility, discipline and work ethics. Was she bored as a kid? Yes. Is boredom a bad thing? No.

I think she was just responding to all these parenting books, magazines, videos that are out there and stating the obvious: just thirty plus years ago, parents didn't have all these advantages and people still turned out fine. That doesn't mean that we should ignore our kids ~~ but it's ok once in awhile not to give in to their demands or expectations. It's ok to be the parent of the relationship. It's ok to have your own life as well. It's ok to stop stressing over every little detail of your child's life. And it's ok to have fun. And starting with this little gem of a book ~~ it's ok to do all these things (within reason, of course) and maybe enjoy your children's lives before they grow up. They grow up too fast anyways.

10-31-06