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Confessions of a Teenage Jesus Jerk [Paperback]

Tony DuShane
4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (20 customer reviews)

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Book Description

January 19, 2010
Gabe is a teenage Jehovah’s Witness convinced God will kill him at Armageddon for masturbating. But Gabe’s not alone: there’s Peter, who writes swear words in the margins of his papers; Jihyun, the Korean kid who subsists on Ho Hos and Doritos; and Camille, who follows Gabe around, trying to be his girlfriend. There’s also Gabe’s mom, who sleeps sixteen hours a day, and his dad, an elder who decides the fate of sinners (like the married couple who confesses to accidentally having anal sex). There’s Brother Miller, an elder with a Napoleon complex, who accompanies Gabe from door to door, encouraging him to knock with confidence, and Sister Feeney, who looks forward to the day she can move into a Spanish-style house after its owner dies at the end of the world. Luckily for Gabe, there is Uncle Jeff, who used to tour with Santana and now gives Gabe the only valuable girl advice he ever receives. It's hard when school days are spent dodging questions about your weird religion and weekends mean preaching house to house. Life looks dreary until Gabe falls for Camille’s beautiful older sister and begins to see her as the answer to his frustrations.

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. DuShane's debut novel unfolds within the insular world of Jehovah's Witnesses, following a teenager's coming of age within the strict rules of a widely known but little explored sect. Gabe is in many ways a typical California teenager: attending public high school, lusting after female classmates, and enjoying hacky sack with his best friend, Peter. At the same time, he is preoccupied with thoughts of Armageddon, and whether or not masturbating will keep him from being resurrected at the end of the world. Gabe wrestles genuinely with his faith-both embarrassed and deeply committed. As pre-pubescence gives way to young adulthood, Gabe, his troubled (non-Jehovah) cousin Karen, his high school crush Jasmine, and Peter find their moral dilemmas taking on serious dimensions, eventually leading to a tragedy that profoundly alters Gabe's understanding of faith. As a former practitioner, DuShane writes with an insider's perspective about this unique world, balancing criticism with understanding and a convincing portrait of the struggle to integrate religion into a modern world, producing an ultimately touching story that will speak to atheists and believers alike.

Review

"Darkly funny and authentically kinky, Tony DuShane's first novel is a surprisingly sweet coming-of-age story told through the eyes of a horny, Jehovah-battered, Watchtower-wielding, door-to-door proselytizer. I may never answer my doorbell again." --Mark Haskell Smith, author of Moist; Delicious; and Salty.

"An absorbing and poignant exploration of the dilemmas facing a youth growing up within a conservative religious community--where even the mildest sexual thoughts could land you among the post-Armageddon forever-damned. Where there's not even much point to aspiring to a career, since church elders expect the world to end any day now." --C.D. Payne, author of Youth In Revolt

"Tony DuShane's highly original novel lives at the fecund corner of religion and sex. Confessions of a Teenage Jesus Jerk captures the ache of an adolescent heart drunk on a combustible cocktail of Jesus, hormones, and visions of escape. You'll pull for this most sympathetic hero and hope he finds a god of his own." --Seth Greenland, author of Shining City and The Bones

"Confessions of a Teenage Jesus Jerk is astonishing and hilarious, evoking shades of John Kennedy Toole and C.D. Payne. Tony DuShane's got a sharp, new voice that's sure to be noticed; I have no doubt he'll garner fans fast." --Katie Crouch, author of Girls in Trucks and Men and Dogs

"I'll never slam the door on a Watchtower hopeful again without thinking of Tony DuShane's hilarious, original coming-of-age novel. Addictive, informative, heartbreaking, and utterly satisfying." --Janet Fitch, author of White Oleander and Paint It Black

Product Details

  • Paperback: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Soft Skull Press (January 19, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1593762631
  • ISBN-13: 978-1593762636
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.3 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (20 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #933,814 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Tony DuShane is a music and literary columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle. He writes Nick Cave Monday, every Monday for TheRumpus.net and he hosts the radio show Drinks with Tony, celebrating 10 years of interviews with guests like Chelsea Handler, David Sedaris, Irvine Welsh, Nick Cave and Vincent Gallo.

Tony DuShane grew up under the departure flight path of San Francisco Airport. He currently lives in San Francisco and enjoys long walks in his walk in closet.

After he read "Hunger" by Knut Hamsun, he knew his calling as a writer. His obsession for music and DJing began by making mix tapes for girls he liked when he was a Jehovah's Witness teenager.

Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
(20)
4.7 out of 5 stars
A very fast read. LisaO  |  7 reviewers made a similar statement
Pitch Perfect Voice. CFXK  |  3 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars HILARIOUS January 30, 2010
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
Mr. DuShane has brilliantly coupled growing pains and good old fashioned religious guilt into a bittersweet memoir, punctuated w/ priceless sarcastic humor. Even if you didn't grow up in a Jehovahs Witness-believing home, you will be entertained by the hilarious stories of puberty amidst close living quarters with the parents.
Additionally, I think I will give this book to any of my future offspring in lieu of having the sex talk. Excellent read!
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Hysterical! January 30, 2010
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
The most deviant thing about Confessions of a Teenage Jesus Jerk is the hypothesis that an orderly, structured Christian fellowship can, for a horny teenager, be nearly as dysfunctional as growing up in a crack den. Yes, the book is funny-- but you knew that already, from the title. The ghetto of teenage is done really well here. The Jehovah's Witness culture was new to me. Armageddon as breakfast table fodder. That, set against the new population of pubic hairs on our hero. Read it!

The quirky voice reminded me a bit of Vernon God Little. Fun!
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Go Gabe! February 9, 2010
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
Everyone knew a 'Gabe' in school and this book made me wish i made out with him. ;-) The characters is this book are so vividly written that you see them in your head...and you'll think twice about the jehovah who comes to your door next time. Gabe rocks and so does this book. Can't wait to read Tony's next book.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
1.0 out of 5 stars Too much for me
My nephew said this was a good book. There were interesting parts but overall I found it gross and unappealing.
Published 2 months ago by Cecelia McCarron
5.0 out of 5 stars Witty
A very fast read. DuShane writes progressively as a young teen to an older teen as a Jehovah's Witness. Read more
Published 2 months ago by LisaO
4.0 out of 5 stars A hilarious look into the life of your average JW teen.
Tony DuShane's debut novel "Confessions of a Teenage Jesus Jerk" chronicles the trials and tribulations of a young Jehovah's Witness named Gabe. The tile is ill conceived. Read more
Published 7 months ago by ARM
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read
If you were ever a teenager and a Jehovah's Witness (male or female) this book is a must read. You will find yourself laughing because not only is this book hilarious but because... Read more
Published 9 months ago by Caidensmom
5.0 out of 5 stars One of the Best New Coming of Age Novels out there
It is rare that I read something that I think could be a classic, but this book is one. I was totally fascinated by the struggles of a scared, confused and thoroughly engaging... Read more
Published 16 months ago by Rose Jones Steigmann
5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome!! I have never been able to relate to a character so much!!
Wow what an awesome book, I wasnt able to put it down from the second I got it in the mail and finished the entire book in one day. Read more
Published 22 months ago by Sarah
5.0 out of 5 stars A great read of life in a doomsday cult.
I enjoyed reading this account of Tony DuShane's life as a teenage Jehovah's Witness. For people who do not know much about this strange 'Doomsday Cult' the book will help you see... Read more
Published 23 months ago by Ex-Borg
4.0 out of 5 stars Spot On and Honest
I'm a big fan of coming-of-age stories. And then this book is also about religion, specifically conservative Jehovah's Witnesses. Read more
Published on February 6, 2011 by Steven Burns
5.0 out of 5 stars Just another book I can't shut the door on
Please won't you come in and show me what you have? I tucked into this well written book with an air of carefree anticipation. Read more
Published on September 22, 2010 by Amy Temple Harper
5.0 out of 5 stars Don't let the title scare you away
I ordered this from Amazon after reading an article by its author. The title recalls books that I'd normally skip, so I'm thankful for Amazon's "look inside" feature. Read more
Published on April 18, 2010 by George Hickman
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