Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids Youll Love to Live With [Paperback]

Bonnie Harris (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 17, 2008

When a child believes he is bad, he behaves badly?and parents react badly, which will only reinforce the child?s belief that he is bad. But confident parents can break this cycle and improve their child?s misbehavior, says child development specialist Bonnie Harris. Using Harris?s eight parenting principles designed to help children succeed, parents will learn the following truths: my child wants to be successful; behavior is the signal to my child?s emotional state; inappropriate behavior means my child is having a problem, not being a problem; my needs are no more or no less important than my child?s; I accept my child as a competent and unique individual; the behavior I focus on grows; I need to say what my child can hear; good discipline requires connection; and punishment breaks connection. Putting these principles to work allows parents to abandon the typical reward and punishment system of discipline (which alienates child and parent), and replace it with a more compassionate, successful approach that brings parent and child together. With Harris?s plan, parents will gain the confidence and skills to raise remarkable kids they will love to live with?and vice versa.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Bonnie Harris holds a master's degree in Early Childhood Education with a specialization in parent/child development. She's appeared on TODAY and she's been interviewed on other television and radioshows, and in the New York Times. She's written a feature for Working Mother. She is the mother of two 20-somethings and lives in New Hampshire.

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Adams Media (September 17, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1598694715
• ISBN-13: 978-1598694710
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #264,819 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Another Hit!, September 8, 2008

By 

Claire M. Juengst (Goodyear, AZ) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids Youll Love to Live With (Paperback)

It is a great book! I like the way each chapter ends with a summary and the suggested practices. I really believe your basic premise of kids wanting to be successful and the 8 principles are "right on"! We all need to internalize the idea that "the child is not bad; rather the child has bad behavior" and figure out why the behavior is taking place. Your 8 principles get us going in that direction. I liked the idea of trying to focus on what is going right rather than what is going wrong. Other similar ideas that jumped out at me were: Different does not mean wrong and a child is having a problem not being a problem. The eighth principle, "Good Boundaries Mean Good Balance", is a challenge for parents. Parents do want to fix problems so that their children will be happy but as you point out, it isn't always the best way for the child because we are not cultivating mechanisms that they can use in the future.

Adoptive Families Together (AFT) has similar philosophies regarding how we as parents react to our kids' behaviors. They come to us with so much baggage and we must determine what is causing the bad behaviors.

Part 2 is filled with great practical ways to apply the 8 Principles. Chapters 9 to 15 cover all the "hot spots" that occur in everyday life.

5 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A loving wake up call for parents, September 11, 2008

By 

Lu Hanessian (New York, NY) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids Youll Love to Live With (Paperback)

Most parenting books fail to take one major piece into consideration when they are espousing schools of thought, doling out advice or trying to offer parents hope on the journey: how things look...from the child's point of view.

This book nails that piece into place with wisdom, compassion and conviction. We need to stop seeing parenting as something that parents endure, perform well, or struggle with and start taking into account that parenting implies relationship, not a set of hard and fast rules that little people better follow or else. Bonnie Harris is a powerful voice of reason, rhyme and guts, and we all would do well to listen, listen, listen to ourselves from the inside out...and then do the same with our kids. In her book, she makes it clear, without judgment or preachy advice, that our confidence as parents relies on looking bravely in the mirror and seeing our reflection in our child's eyes--and vice versa. A wonderful book.

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The most useful parenting book I've read, March 22, 2010

By 

Marilyn Johnson "Marilyn Johnson" (Williamston, MI) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids Youll Love to Live With (Paperback)

I finally found a parenting book that really works for me.

I like the book for two reasons. First, it emphasizes an attachment parenting philosophy, but without losing sight of the importance of parental authority and respect. Second, it provides lots of great practical application material. It gives me both a framework and the "how-tos" that so many books are lacking.

The first half of the book discusses eight foundational principles that comprise the framework for thinking about parenting:

My child wants to be successful

My child's behavior is my clue

My child's greatest need is acceptance

Expectations must be set for success

Connection strengthens relationship

The behavior I focus on grows

Problem solving, - not punishment - teaches responsibility

Good boundaries mean good balance [between the parents' needs the kids' needs]

The second half of the book applies the foundational principles to common problems. There are individual chapters on getting out the door in the morning, chores, sibling rivalry, peer pressure, homework, mealtime, and bedtime.

The recommended discipline approach is logical consequences. But, the book's primary focus is on problem-solving between parent and child. When that's done, the need to impose consequences is minimized. For example, the emphasis in the "getting out the door in the morning" chapter is on coming alongside kids to teach them how to structure their morning. That structure includes imposition of rules that kids may not like (e.g., no electronics or TV before leaving for school in the morning). Similarly, there's an emphasis on unconditional love, but that's done in the context of also setting appropriate expectations for behavior and achievement.

Too many parenting books fail to balance mercy and justice. Bonnie Harris succeeds, and I'm grateful for this recource.