Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids Youll Love to Live With [Bargain Price] [Paperback]

Bonnie Harris (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 17, 2008

When a child believes he is bad, he behaves badly—and parents react badly, which will only reinforce the child's belief that he is bad. But confident parents can break this cycle and improve their child's misbehavior, says child development specialist Bonnie Harris. Using Harris's eight parenting principles designed to help children succeed, parents will learn the following truths:

• my child wants to be successful
• behavior is the signal to my child's emotional state
• inappropriate behavior means my child is having a problem, not being a problem
• my needs are no more or no less important than my child's
• I accept my child as a competent and unique individual
• the behavior I focus on grows
• I need to say what my child can hear
• good discipline requires connection
• punishment breaks connection

Putting these principles to work allows parents to abandon the typical reward and punishment system of discipline (which alienates child and parent), and replace it with a more compassionate, successful approach that brings parent and child together. With Harris's plan, parents will gain the confidence and skills to raise remarkable kids they will love to live with—and vice versa.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Bonnie Harris holds a master's degree in Early Childhood Education with a specialization in parent/child development. She's appeared on TODAY and she's been interviewed on other television and radioshows, and in the New York Times. She's written a feature for Working Mother. She is the mother of two 20-somethings and lives in New Hampshire.

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Adams Media (September 17, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1598694715
• ASIN: B002YX0BGO
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.4 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #808,259 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A loving wake up call for parents September 11, 2008

By Lu Hanessian

Format:Paperback

Most parenting books fail to take one major piece into consideration when they are espousing schools of thought, doling out advice or trying to offer parents hope on the journey: how things look...from the child's point of view.
This book nails that piece into place with wisdom, compassion and conviction. We need to stop seeing parenting as something that parents endure, perform well, or struggle with and start taking into account that parenting implies relationship, not a set of hard and fast rules that little people better follow or else. Bonnie Harris is a powerful voice of reason, rhyme and guts, and we all would do well to listen, listen, listen to ourselves from the inside out...and then do the same with our kids. In her book, she makes it clear, without judgment or preachy advice, that our confidence as parents relies on looking bravely in the mirror and seeing our reflection in our child's eyes--and vice versa. A wonderful book.

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars The most useful parenting book I've read March 22, 2010

By M. Johnson

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I finally found a parenting book that really works for me.

I like the book for two reasons. First, it emphasizes an attachment parenting philosophy, but without losing sight of the importance of parental authority and respect. Second, it provides lots of great practical application material. It gives me both a framework and the "how-tos" that so many books are lacking.

The first half of the book discusses eight foundational principles that comprise the framework for thinking about parenting:

My child wants to be successful
My child's behavior is my clue
My child's greatest need is acceptance
Expectations must be set for success
Connection strengthens relationship
The behavior I focus on grows
Problem solving, - not punishment - teaches responsibility
Good boundaries mean good balance [between the parents' needs the kids' needs]

The second half of the book applies the foundational principles to common problems. There are individual chapters on getting out the door in the morning, chores, sibling rivalry, peer pressure, homework, mealtime, and bedtime.

The recommended discipline approach is logical consequences. But, the book's primary focus is on problem-solving between parent and child. When that's done, the need to impose consequences is minimized. For example, the emphasis in the "getting out the door in the morning" chapter is on coming alongside kids to teach them how to structure their morning. That structure includes imposition of rules that kids may not like (e.g., no electronics or TV before leaving for school in the morning). Similarly, there's an emphasis on unconditional love, but that's done in the context of also setting appropriate expectations for behavior and achievement....

Too many parenting books fail to balance mercy and justice. Bonnie Harris succeeds, and I'm grateful for this recource. Read more ›

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Another Hit! September 8, 2008

By Claire M. Juengst

Format:Paperback

It is a great book! I like the way each chapter ends with a summary and the suggested practices. I really believe your basic premise of kids wanting to be successful and the 8 principles are "right on"! We all need to internalize the idea that "the child is not bad; rather the child has bad behavior" and figure out why the behavior is taking place. Your 8 principles get us going in that direction. I liked the idea of trying to focus on what is going right rather than what is going wrong. Other similar ideas that jumped out at me were: Different does not mean wrong and a child is having a problem not being a problem. The eighth principle, "Good Boundaries Mean Good Balance", is a challenge for parents. Parents do want to fix problems so that their children will be happy but as you point out, it isn't always the best way for the child because we are not cultivating mechanisms that they can use in the future.

Adoptive Families Together (AFT) has similar philosophies regarding how we as parents react to our kids' behaviors. They come to us with so much baggage and we must determine what is causing the bad behaviors.

Part 2 is filled with great practical ways to apply the 8 Principles. Chapters 9 to 15 cover all the "hot spots" that occur in everyday life.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Remarkable Advice for Parents November 25, 2008

By Margaret C. Hunt

Format:Paperback

Bonnie Harris has produced quality advice for parents yet again: a worthy follow up to her first book "When Your Kids Push Your Buttons". Like the Buttons book, "Confident Parents Remarkable Kids" includes many helpful illustrations to make her point. I'm impressed with the way Bonnie helps parents to see the world from the child's point of view so that one can work out what might be triggering the child's behaviour. I also like phrases such as: "What you focus on grows": catch phrases can be very helpful for tired parents. Thoughtfulness, understanding, firm boundaries when required, age and personality appropriate responses, love - it's all there in this lovely book. And if you lose the plot, remember that the Buttons book can help you with that!

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Finally, a voice of reason! December 5, 2008

By Heather T. FORBES

Format:Paperback

There is a reason that a search of parenting books on amazon.com comes up with over 5,000 books. The reason is that all these books forget the vital part in raising amazing children: the parent! Bonnie Harris is an exception. She shows us that it takes confident parents. This book beautifully presents how to change your children by changing your perspective of your role as a parent. Thank you, Bonnie, for giving parents real tools that make a real difference!
Heather T. Forbes, LCSW
Author of Beyond, Consequences, Logic, and ControlBeyond Consequences, Logic, & Control, Volume 2