Customer Reviews

Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids Youll Love to Live With

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It is a great book! I like the way each chapter ends with a summary and the suggested practices. I really believe your basic premise of kids wanting to be successful and the 8 principles are "right on"! We all need to internalize the idea that "the child is not bad; rather the child has bad behavior" and figure out why the behavior is taking place. Your 8 principles get us going in that direction. I liked the idea of trying to focus on what is going right rather than what is going wrong. Other similar ideas that jumped out at me were: Different does not mean wrong and a child is having a problem not being a problem. The eighth principle, "Good Boundaries Mean Good Balance", is a challenge for parents. Parents do want to fix problems so that their children will be happy but as you point out, it isn't always the best way for the child because we are not cultivating mechanisms that they can use in the future.

Adoptive Families Together (AFT) has similar philosophies regarding how we as parents react to our kids' behaviors. They come to us with so much baggage and we must determine what is causing the bad behaviors.

Part 2 is filled with great practical ways to apply the 8 Principles. Chapters 9 to 15 cover all the "hot spots" that occur in everyday life.

Most parenting books fail to take one major piece into consideration when they are espousing schools of thought, doling out advice or trying to offer parents hope on the journey: how things look...from the child's point of view.

This book nails that piece into place with wisdom, compassion and conviction. We need to stop seeing parenting as something that parents endure, perform well, or struggle with and start taking into account that parenting implies relationship, not a set of hard and fast rules that little people better follow or else. Bonnie Harris is a powerful voice of reason, rhyme and guts, and we all would do well to listen, listen, listen to ourselves from the inside out...and then do the same with our kids. In her book, she makes it clear, without judgment or preachy advice, that our confidence as parents relies on looking bravely in the mirror and seeing our reflection in our child's eyes--and vice versa. A wonderful book.

I finally found a parenting book that really works for me.

I like the book for two reasons. First, it emphasizes an attachment parenting philosophy, but without losing sight of the importance of parental authority and respect. Second, it provides lots of great practical application material. It gives me both a framework and the "how-tos" that so many books are lacking.

The first half of the book discusses eight foundational principles that comprise the framework for thinking about parenting:

My child wants to be successful

My child's behavior is my clue

My child's greatest need is acceptance

Expectations must be set for success

Connection strengthens relationship

The behavior I focus on grows

Problem solving, - not punishment - teaches responsibility

Good boundaries mean good balance [between the parents' needs the kids' needs]

The second half of the book applies the foundational principles to common problems. There are individual chapters on getting out the door in the morning, chores, sibling rivalry, peer pressure, homework, mealtime, and bedtime.

The recommended discipline approach is logical consequences. But, the book's primary focus is on problem-solving between parent and child. When that's done, the need to impose consequences is minimized. For example, the emphasis in the "getting out the door in the morning" chapter is on coming alongside kids to teach them how to structure their morning. That structure includes imposition of rules that kids may not like (e.g., no electronics or TV before leaving for school in the morning). Similarly, there's an emphasis on unconditional love, but that's done in the context of also setting appropriate expectations for behavior and achievement.

Too many parenting books fail to balance mercy and justice. Bonnie Harris succeeds, and I'm grateful for this recource.

Bonnie Harris has produced quality advice for parents yet again: a worthy follow up to her first book "When Your Kids Push Your Buttons". Like the Buttons book, "Confident Parents Remarkable Kids" includes many helpful illustrations to make her point. I'm impressed with the way Bonnie helps parents to see the world from the child's point of view so that one can work out what might be triggering the child's behaviour. I also like phrases such as: "What you focus on grows": catch phrases can be very helpful for tired parents. Thoughtfulness, understanding, firm boundaries when required, age and personality appropriate responses, love - it's all there in this lovely book. And if you lose the plot, remember that the Buttons book can help you with that!

Parents seeking a better way of improving a child's behavior will find this an excellent book discussing parental needs, kids' reactions to discipline and guidance, and how to break the cycle of defeat on both sides. Children want to succeed, behavior is a parent's cue, and this book tells how to create successful routines. Any library catering to parents will find this a fine guide.

There is a reason that a search of parenting books on amazon.com comes up with over 5,000 books. The reason is that all these books forget the vital part in raising amazing children: the parent! Bonnie Harris is an exception. She shows us that it takes confident parents. This book beautifully presents how to change your children by changing your perspective of your role as a parent. Thank you, Bonnie, for giving parents real tools that make a real difference!

Heather T. Forbes, LCSW

Author of Beyond, Consequences, Logic, and ControlBeyond Consequences, Logic, & Control, Volume 2