Customer Reviews

The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family

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If you are thinking about adopting a child from a foreign country or even a child who has been shuttled from foster home to foster home, you must read this book first if you want to raise a happy and healthy child.

There are dozens of parenting books on the market, but what makes this book so very special is the authors' ground-breaking, empirical research with adopted children. Their research has been done at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth, TX (http://www.child.tcu.edu/) Their discoveries and methods are unique because they use a wholistic approach to healing the wounded child. The result is that they are quietly creating miracles as their methods are learned by others and spread around the world. Their research is also helping other at-risk children, including those with autism.

According to the authors, structural changes take place in the brains of infants who were abused or deprived prior to adoption. Unfortunately, it is common practice in some foreign orphanages for babies to be laid on their backs for 24-hours a day, with a bottle propped into their mouths, and lying in soiled clothing. They are never cuddled or talked to because it makes them cry for more attention. These orphanages become eerily silent as babies eventually give up their voices. Similarly, toddlers beg for food from their cribs, only to be ignored. Many children are sexually abused in these orphanages.

Many adoptive parents believe that all they have to do is adopt the baby, and love and nurture it, and everything will be fine. However, the authors' research shows that these parents are about to face the biggest, and perhaps the most expensive, challenge of their lifetime. Happily, that challenge will be rewarding, and more likely to succeed, if they read "The Connected Child" and practice the authors' advice. And so should their pediatrician or any other caregiver! They will understand what made their child unapproachable, angry, fearful, sexually precocious, sleepless, aggressive or withdrawn. Most importantly, they will have the knowledge and the tools they need to ensure their child develops normally.

The authors' research grew out of a summer camp they developed for adopted children with emotional and behavioral problems. Saliva and urine tests were done on each child. The chemical results were shocking! They discovered that the childrens' neurotransmitter levels were off the charts. They also discovered that when they used specific behavioral interventions, and gave them special supplements with the support of a doctor, the childrens' neutrotransmitter levels began to normalize. Their behavior changed completely!

Here are three success stories described in the book:

(1) "Diagnosed with bipolar disorder and reactive attachment disorder (RAD), a six-year-old girl didn't allow her parents to cuddle her. She had to be socially isolated because she would growl, writhe on the floor, and physically attack her sister and brother. In less than a year of intensive behavioral intervention, she became a kind and affectionate big sister with lots of friends. She and her mother now share the simple joys of home life, including craft activities and baking cookies. She has begun telling her mother, "I love you."

(2) "A five-year-old boy who was physically tiny and had limited language skills since coming home four years earlier began seeking his mother's cuddling and speaking in full, articulate sentences. He grew so rapidly that he gained three pant sizes--all within two months."

(3) "An eleven-year-old boy who wasn't allowed in public school for two years because of his aggressive outbursts was successfully weaned from two antipsychotics and three other drugs. He has successfully rejoined a regular classroom and excels at many enrichment activities. He is praised by his new teacher for his consistently exemplary behavior."

This book and the Institute of Child Development will leave a positive mark on this world. For the sake of the children, I hope parents and caregivers everywhere will heed their advice.

Brilliant!! The wisdom in this book has made our stressful house a home full of laughter and peace. We saw changes in our internationally adopted children within days. I especially appreciate that they write from a stand point of hope not despair. I have read 20+ books on adoption, attachment and behavior - this is the best resource available. Very practical advice for how to parent at-risk kids. Every adoptive parent should read this book.

I adopted a child at birth who is now 9. She has since been diagnosed with a mood disorder--probably bi-polar. The Connected Child was as helpful to me as Ross Greene's books about the Explosive Child. I learned something new from every chapter, especially the last few chapters on Dealing with Defiance, Nurturing at Every Opportunity and Proactive Strategies to Make Life Easier. Simple suggestions made by the authors, such as watching for signs of overload, speaking with authority, rehearsing the child for what's coming, helping your child identify emotions, among many others have stuck with me. I've even used them successfully. The book is written simply and clearly, easy to skim through to find sections that apply to your situation. I highly recommend this book. Erica Manfred

We're the parents of a couple of adopted kids, and have continually searched for specific information about adopted children with broad-spectrum diagnoses (ADHD, ODD, RAD, Bipolar Disorder). At one time or another, our kids have had all of these diagnoses attached to their issues/behaviors.

It's become clear to us -- and other parent of adopted kids with whom we speak -- that these broad-spectrum diagnoses are "convenient" terms in which to bucket our kids. These kids frequently show the same issues and inappropriate behaviors. Unfortunately, the standard process for addressing these issues (positive reinforcement, drug therapies, structured responses, diet modifications) never seem to work. This appears especially true of those kids, such as our daughter, who are adopted from Eastern European insitutions/orphanages.

We're read all of the general literature regarding these broad-spectrum diagnoses and tried every guideline in these books on how remediate these issues and bad behaviors -- all with little or no success.

"The Connected Child" speaks directly to the behavioral issues and unique emotional requirements that these adopted children require. Their approach -- based on the TCU Institute of Child Development methodology --is more a process for modifying parent behavior than addressing the child's issues and behaviors. Specifically, the book suggests that all of these kids exhibit behaviors based on perceived threats and fears established/learned during their earliest years in institutions. It recommends that parents develop -- and consistently reinforce -- a loving, affectionate, trusting and safe environment for these kids so that they can grow away from viewing people and life situations in a fearful or threatening way.

While "The Connected Child" makes a strong case for the unique issues associated with these institutionalized children and lays a relatively solid foundation for how to cope with and reach these children, in my opinion, their relatively "easy read" book with short "punchy" chapters and sections doesn't lay out the kind of structured or disciplined approach required. The authors are suggesting a life-changing and home environment-changing methodology for both the affected children, their parents and siblings, and other significant influencers in the kid's lives (teachers, counselors). More detailed direction on how to successfully implement their methodology would have been appreciated.

Additionally, I find their frequent use of "semi-miracle" anecdotes a bit too much: child couldn't be reached using standard therapies; parents -- at wit's end -- try the "Connected Child" methodology; child cured. I'm sure that there's much more trial-and-error or initial failures (by both the kids and the parents) with their methodology than are depicted in this book.

Still, I would recommend that this book be read by those parents with those adopted children who have been institutionalized and who have not responded to the traditional therapies for these broad-spectrum diagnoses. The "Connected Child" approach for building a safe and secure environment for these unique kids -- however difficult for the parents to accomplish -- deserves attention.

"The Connected Child" is a MUST for anyone considering adoption or foster care of children and is great for families with any child who has experienced the trauma of abuse, neglect, abandonment, loss of parent, divorce, or other intensely emotional circumstances. It seems some people think because kids still "laugh and play" that they are o'kay after some of these events. This book explains that brain function and chemistry are effected by trauma. Behavior and learning are effected by neurochemisty, and the authors' research showed signifiant improvement in neurotransmitter activity with children who participated in their study.

I consider the expertise of Dr. Purvis and Dr. Cross to be the best I've found in 16 years of searching for answers. Furthermore, their book gives practical strategies for dealing with sensory dysfunction, learning/language issues, and behavior problems. Once a parent better understands these approaches, many power struggles between the child and parent can be avoided, lessened, or altogether prevented. As a "horse whisperer" tames the wild stallion so Dr. Purvis calms the troubled child and has been affectionately nicknamed the "child whisperer." Our family will be forever grateful.
Debbie Jones

Though this book was targeted for adoptive and foster parents, this book is a great resource for all parents who desire a nurturing approach to discipline. The authors have provided many practical suggestions for parenting and teaching that can be easily implemented.

What a great tool this book has been. It helped us make a break through with our second daughter who we had been struggling with for over a year. We had been working hard with all of her indivual issues in isolation. We worked with her language delays, her behavorial problems, her sleep issues, sibling struggles and more. This his book helped with the big picture and helped make all that all that other work come together in a way that really helped our whole family.

Drs. Purvis and Cross have done some amazing research in the area of attachment and behavioral disorders in children who have come from "hard places." I highly recommend this book for parents of adopted children and foster parents.

For anyone adopting an older child I think this is a must read book. I originally took this book out of the library, read it twice and still felt I needed to own it so I could mark pages for reference. The only information I wish was included is how to tackle some of these issues with a foreign born child who doesn't understand your language yet. FYI: I found this helpful for parenting my biological child as well as understanding myself better.

I bought this book after having read Deborah Grays "attaching in adoption" and I got so much more out of this book and many practical ways to handle our "not so easy to handle daughter". I also thought to myself as I read this book that alot of the advice would probably be valuable to any parent with a "challenging child", not just an adopted "challenging child". This book has helped our family tremendously with no nonsense practical ways to address difficult behaviors. It also taught us how to be compassionate and more sensitive to our daughters past and her current issues.