Customer Reviews

Connecting: Healing for Ourselves and Our Relationships

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Crabb introduces this work by claiming he has experienced a shift in thinking. He proposes that more is needed to minister to emotional needs than just psychological training or biblical theology. He asserts that connected relationships are the missing link in touching the hearts and souls of hurting people.

Crabb describes three elements of "connecting" with others, and then through the remainder of the book elaborates on each. The first element is a taste of Christ delighting in us. As we display this same kind of delight in the personalities and lifestyles of others, our relationships are transformed. The second element is a diligent search for what is good. Rather than just identifying what is sinful, or trying to fix what is wrong, we discover what God is doing in others lives then affirm it. The third element is an engaging exposure of what is bad or painful. This element must always follow the first two elements, but may not always be necessary. When it is exercised however, it exposes the bad in order to unleash the good.

I wholeheartedly endorse Crabb's work here -- the more we as believers can "connect" with other believers in the body of Christ, the stronger and healthier we can become. For the depth of the subjects covered, Crabb does a remarkable job of making his words pleasant to read and his train-of-thought easy to follow. I recommend this book to all persons wanting to discover new strength and healing through connected relationships in Jesus Christ.

I am a college student studying psychology and sociology, and have been searching for a new but different way to help people. Larry Crabb wonderfully articulates how christians must learn to connect to God and other people to really impact there lives. Connecting is the ministry that Christ left for us to follow. Thank you Dr. Crabb for putting into words what I have been thinking for a long time.

I was required to read Connecting for a class and I wasn't sure what to expect, but I ended up enjoying the book. I finished the book longing to have a relationship like the one he describes, where Christians point each other to Christ, and jump up and down for each other. I can just imagine how applying this book would change my church and my circle of friends and my life and their lives. I intend to use his ideas in some of my own friendships and relationships, and in future ministry. Thank you Dr. Crabb for a challenging and convicting book.

I received "Connecting" because I accidentally forgot to mail my response card to Corssings Book Club saying "Don't Send"(I thought I mailed it but found it weeks later after I received the book in the mail. That was the first and only time I failed to respond). I now know that God had other plans.

"Connecting" was a very exciting book for me to read because the Lord had and has been teaching and showing my husband and I many things that were difficult to share with others because they just didn't seem to understand what we were talking about. God has been opening our eyes and letting us see things that are very difficult to see. We knew that "Connecting" was a confirmation from God that we were moving in His direction. We learned that we needed to "die to self" and be "Christ-conscious" and not self-conscious in order to do what He wants us to do. That's the only way we can allow Jesus in us to be poured out of us and into another person (I could go on and on and on...).

Some days I could read a whole chapter and some day I could only read one page but I'd have to read it three times, meditate on it and let it sink in! Sometimes my brain would just be saturated and I would have to put the book down because I couldn't absorb anymore. It took me many months to read this book but I know that was all in God's plan. He was teaching and growing me using "Connecting". He wanted me to learn just so much in a time period. I would find that I would be applying Dr. Crabb's ideas and principles (unconsciously) in my everyday life and from that I realized why God allowed me only to read so much at once.

What really touched me was the fact that Dr. Crabb didn't write this book because he thought it would sell or become the #1 top seller. He wrote it because he knew the truth from God and nothing else mattered but doing God's will. I'm so thankful that one of his gifts is writing so that he can share what God's teaching him with everyone. Thank you for sharing and being an example of what obedience means!

I've been wondering if Dr. Crabb reads "MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST" by Oswald Chambers. When I began reading "MY UTMOST..." I thought, "He must read this". I started reading it this past Spring and through the Bible and these two books, I know God has been revealing himself and speaking to me.

I would like to encourage Dr. Crabb, as he has encouraged us, to keep himself covered with the "armor of God" and not to be discouraged by anything or anyone but to keep focused on our most Awesome and Mighty God and Saviour no matter what!

My husband and I have been distributing copies of "Connecting" to our family, our pastors, the Christian Education committe chairperson at our church, the director of a crisis pregancy center, a pastor at Phila. church, missionaries in Austrailia, various people at our church and even to some people who are hurting.

The Lord has been bringing people literally to our doorstep to "connect" with them.

In writing "Connecting," Larry Crabb does a very brave thing. He suggests that if Christians were to rightly understand their role in coming alongside hurting people and helping them towards Christ-centered restoration, then professional counselors and psychotherapists would become almost unnecessary. This is brave because Crabb had spent his entire professional career as a Christian counselor, so he is basically trying to write himself out of a job!!

There is much value in "Connecting." Crabb does a superlative job of communicating the need for Christians to avoid two common reactions that we have when we observe problems in our lives or in the lives of others. In many cases, we assume that these problems are simply the result of bad choices, which can be rectified by a resolute will to choose differently in the future. Conversely, in other situations, we declare the existence of some sort of psychological disorder that can only be remedied by professional therapy. Crabb suggests that these two conclusions are drastically insufficient to appropriately deal with life's struggles, and we miss the power of Christ to heal us when we default to these assumptions.

Crabb's main thesis throughout the book is that connecting is the best way for us to be healed and to help others be healed. And he makes a good case for this contention. I, too, find my own reactions to other people's problems (either I offer a few sound bites of advice or I shuffle them off to a Christian counselor) to be inadequate. However, what left me disappointed with this book is that Crabb does not fully develop what connecting should look like. He spends a significant portion of the book using phrases like "nourishing the energy of Christ within us," which may sound good but is not at all clear as to its meaning. Chapter 14, in which he describes a gathering that friends organized for his wife on the occasion of her father's death, provides us with a vivid picture of what connecting can be, but these sorts of specific examples are largely absent from the book.

Overall, I find Crabb's main points to be rather compelling. The church would be well-served to consider his conclusions. However, I wish that he had offered us a clearer picture of what genuine Christian connecting can look like, rather than speaking so often in ambiguous and unclear spiritual language. I want to do what he calls us to do, but I just wish he had offered me more help to know how to do it.

The book focused on "connecting" with people. Dr. Larry Crabb's point is to show that the true way to help others is not by using clever therapeutic techniques. Dr. Crabb believes "there is a power within the life of every Christian waiting to be released," which he believes can lead to "further and deeper change," to help people "join more intimately to the heart of Christ," and heal "soul wounds" by allowing God's grace to "flow freely through us to them." From the standpoint of a counselor, showing care for someone is more than just checking on their mental well-being-it is about enjoying their presence. People must be able to feel that counselors truly care about them, which is the whole premise of "connecting."

Dr. Crabb shared a story of his oldest son. No matter how much he would try to help his child on a psychological level, he continued his destructive pattern. One day, instead of nagging and pointing to obvious mistakes, he decided to ask him, "How can I help?" Those simple words had connected with his son, who finally felt like his father really cared about him (4). He was never the same again. Dr. Crabb stated, "When we look for the bad, we must always be looking harder for the hidden good (12)." In the midst of trials, we are to "search for the good God may be releasing (16)."

Although I enjoyed the book, I found some of the counseling suggestions to be vague. For example, in pages 16-17, Dr. Crabb presents a scenario of a couple during a counseling session. The wife snaps at the husband because she feels unappreciated by him. Instead of acknowledging her anger, probing for a psychological explanation, or expressing empathy, Dr. Crabb proposes that the "good urges" be released from the counselees. It seemed he was making the wife see things from a different perspective-not necessarily releasing "good urges."

Counselors have been taught to be listeners and guides, but Dr. Crabb suggests that counselor and counselee "walk together as honest strugglers (99)." I agree with this suggestion to a point. I realize that it is not healthy for counselees to believe that counselors are without problems. I think that if a counselor is more honest about themselves and their vulnerability, then the counselee will not see him/herself as a "lost cause." Part of being "real" with others is for others to know that "things" happen in the counselor's life as well-they are not immune to Satan's attacks. However, the counselor's primary focus should be on the counselee's struggle. The counselor's struggles should not be shared on the same level as the counselee's. I think it would be too overwhelming for the counselee to be fully subjected to the counselor's struggle.

I found the questions on page 161 very helpful. The "think vision" questions go beyond problematic issues and raises therapeutic counseling to a higher level. The basic idea is to bathe everything in prayer and concentrate on "who that person could become (165)" by "releasing the energy of Christ." I thought the most useful part of the book was in the appendices. These were practical information for counselors. The role of the church is examined in the context of soul care because friendships and a sense of community can heal people with "soul struggles."

Dr. Crabb wrote, "We'll smile at our spouses with a new kind of appreciation and kindness, and they will soften and move toward us. We'll see people whom we know don't like us, and we'll sincerely wish them well without feeling self-righteous (185). He also noted, "Goodness is most fully released only when badness is first resisted (18)." He explained, "When a friend meets our meanness with kindness, something better often comes out of us (18)." This is not a new concept. He was merely stating an obvious response to kindness. In fact, this statement illustrated biblical principles: "Bless those who curse you (Luke 6)" and "Repay no one evil for evil...live peaceably with all men (Romans 12)."

Dr. Crabb has found a way to apply biblical principles to the everyday life of a believer. "Connecting" is a way to build a nurturing and supportive community. If all Christians were to incorporate the simple concept of "blessing those who curse you," then the "connecting" process will take place. If people did this, then soul healing will no longer be dependent on "mental health professional." This book was a good resource for motivating people to go beyond themselves in reaching out to others with Christ-like compassion.

I am amazed at the journey that God is starting to stir up, to invite us to a life of genuine authentic relating with one another, and this book insightfully culminates Crabb's journey thus far in learning to share about the essence of how God is at work in our heart, to move into others lives powerfully, to relate in such a way that it calls out the vision that God has already implanted in us when we started the journey by trusting in Christ. Don't settle for the lesser satisfaction of life, defense mechanisms, feeling adequate, living on your own resources, trying to make life work. Move out in faith, into the deeper reality of life and relating!

When we read "Connecting" we were so excited that someone had put into words concepts that we had been trying to live for some time. We have experienced the power of what connecting relationships can do for you; giving you hope and encouragement that perhaps all is not lost when things are looking bleak. This book is about developing faith vision for each other, and about believing more in what God says is true than what the circumstances say. It is about becoming "safe" people...developing relationships with people in such a way that they know you and still believe in you. It may not be popular since it is not an "instant fix" book, neither is it a "Follow these 16 steps to healing" book. It is about learning to be real with yourself and a few other people so that we can truly encourage one another in the Lord.

I read the book 1st time in 1997 with a so so opinion. I recently listened to the audio and re-read the book. The difference is that I now need the spiritual direction in encouragement through spiritual commnuity. I found it to be powerfully and scripturally practical for those who have a faith in the power of the gospel and the Holy Spirit. It also helps to have read INSIDE OUT.

We bought this book in an effort to learn how to overcome or cope with my condition of anxiety. Although therapy has it's place for those with serious conditions, we knew that there had to be a better answer in dealing with my 'condition' than paying a therapist $100/hr. God has truly given us great hope and comfort in the words he has given Dr. Crabb. Dr. Crabb gives practical and achievable instruction to create depth in the relationships we share with those close to us. You will not be disappointed with the content and message of this book. We would be happy to hear from anyone who would like to share their thoughts on this book.