Connecting: The Mentoring Relationships You Need to Succeed [Paperback]

Paul D Stanley (Author), Robert Clinton (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 1, 1992

We are all interdependent on each other, which is why connecting with others plays such an indispensable role in healthy development. Having access to the wisdom, experience, vision, and direction of others can put you years ahead of where you’d be on your own.

Mentoring relationships can be key to effective discipleship and evangelism. This book shows you how to do it effectively.

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

WE WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER. None of us are fully equipped to excel in life. Our weaknesses, blind spots, limited capabilities, and lack of experience all point to one thing-interdependence. Which is why connecting with others plays such an indispensable role in healthy development. Having access to the wisdom, experience, vision, and direction of those who have gone before can put you years ahead of where you’d be on your own. And, in addition to enhancing you own potential in all of life’s growth areas (spiritual, emotional, professional, relational, etc.), the things you’ll discover will equip you to help others as well. So why don’t we place more of a priority on developing these essential, empowering relationships? Are we uneasy with the vulnerability, assuming it will be perceived as weakness? Do we hesitate to ask, not wanting to impose on anyone else’s busy schedule? Are we reluctant to provide guidance for others, not wanting to come across as proud or self-important? Each of these factors can play a part, of course. But the main reason we miss out, according to Stanley and Clinton, is that we simply don’t understand the true nature of mentoring-a problem that is easily overcome.

About the Author

Paul Stanley’s early life was shaped by the influence and examples of his Christian parents with solid biblical teaching and values. Paul graduated from the United States Military Academy at West Point in 1963 having won distinction in leadership football and lacrosse. He served seven years as an officer in US Army and was highly decorated for bravery while serving in Vietnam. Paul and Phyllis married in 1963 upon graduation from West Point.

The Stanleys joined The Navigators in 1970 and worked with students and military officers in the Washington D.C. area. In 1973 Paul and Phyllis and their four children moved to Europe to pioneer a Navigator discipling and leadership training ministry in the East European Bloc and the former Soviet Union. Paul later assumed responsibility for the rapidly expanding Navigator European ministries.

After eleven years the Stanley family returned to the United States where Paul helped bring about major changes in ministry approaches and a new emphasis of leader development. In 1990 Paul joined the International Executive Team which gives overall leadership and direction to Navigator ministries in 112 countries with over 4000 missionary staff of 87 nationalities.

Paul gave leadership to large portions of the Navigator’s global movement and spent most of his time coaching mentoring and developing leaders throughout the Navigator world. Paul is a speaker writer and sought after consultant and coach to many senior leaders and organizations in developing strategy and leadership and bringing about change. He has co-authored the book Connecting which focuses on mentoring relationships.

Paul and Phyllis have dedicated their lives to people: helping others to develop and orient their lives and leadership around Jesus Christ. This has been and continues to be the heartbeat of their ministry.

Paul and Phyllis have four married children and eleven grandchildren and make their home in Colorado.

Dr. J. Robert (Bobby) Clinton is Professor of Leadership at the School of Intercultural Studies of Fuller Theological Seminary. He has coordinated the leadership concentration in the School of Intercultural Studies for more than 25 years. Bobby models and teaches the concepts of lifelong development and of the focused life as well as the importance of mentoring to develop leaders. Before coming to Fuller he and his wife Marilyn served as missionaries for Worldteam in Jamaica. His writings besides the leadership commentary series include numerous biblical examples of leadership development. His publications include: The Making of A Leader; Leadership Emergence Theory; Connecting—Mentoring Relationships; The Mentor Handbook; Focused Lives; Strategic Concepts— That Clarify a Focused Life; and Having a Ministry That Lasts—By Becoming a Bible Centered Leader. His major focus in writing and teaching now is to help leaders inform their leadership from the Bible.

Dr. Clinton has studied each of the books of the Bible from a leadership perspective. His book The Bible and Leadership Values contains that initial research on the Bible. From this study he has selected the top 25 books that contribute much to leadership thought. For each book of his Biblical Leadership Commentary Series Dr. Clinton comments on the text from a leadership standpoint. He defines leadership concepts which shed light on the leadership implications in the text. Further Dr. Clinton writes short leadership articles which further suggest the importance of Biblical insights for leadership. Fourteen leadership commentaries have been completed to date: Jonah Nehemiah Haggai Obadiah Daniel John 1 2 Corinthians Philippians Titus 1 2 Timothy 1 2 Timothy.

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: NavPress (January 1, 1992)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 3909131026
• ISBN-13: 978-3909131020
• ASIN: 0891096388
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.3 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #220,994 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very practical with solid foundations, April 17, 2001

By 

Ryan - See all my reviews

This review is from: Connecting: The Mentoring Relationships You Need to Succeed (Paperback)

Stanley and Clinton have written a very practical guide to developing mentoring relationships. By addressing several kinds of mentoring (from intentional discipleship to passive mentorship) they have digested sophisticated theory into reasonable methods. Throughout the book they also offer their own personal experiences as examples of the principles they wish to bring out, which adds a very readable flavor. At times the authors seem to treat the topic of relationships with a sterile pragmatism, which is my only complaint about the book. Perhaps Stanley and Clinton would do well to spend time reading Larry Crabb's book by the same name! Overrall, I appreciated this book and I am using some of the principles in my own ministry at Biola University.

15 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Good Analytical Book on Mentoring from a Christian Perspec, May 6, 2002

By 

J.L. Lee (Saint Joseph, MO United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Connecting: The Mentoring Relationships You Need to Succeed (Paperback)

Connecting: The Mentoring Relationships You Need to Succeed in Life, by Paul D. Stanley and J. Robert Clinton, Colorado Springs, Navpress, 1992, 252 pages. Reviewed by J. L. Lee

Paul Stanley has over twenty years experience in leadership development. He has served as the international vice-president of the Navigators. His ministry has taken him to a variety of international locations where he has done both leadership training and consulting.

Dr. Robert Clinton has served on the faculty of the Fuller Theological Seminary as an associate professor of leadership for the school of world mission. He has completed extensive research in the field of leadership and specializes in leadership training, selection, and emergence patterns.

The thesis of this book is to show leaders a method they may use to "finish well." That method is to use mentoring as a leadership tool. The authors define the tool of mentoring in relationship terms as an experience where one person empowers another using divinely provided resources. The authors also clearly state the four objectives of the book on page 13.

1.) "How to be mentored even though there aren't enough mentors to go around"
2.) "An explanation of what makes mentoring work"
3.) "A balanced model of mentoring relationships"
4.) "Illustrations and ideas on how mentoring can work for you"

They answer the first objective in the first ten chapters of the book. This is accomplished by breaking down the task of mentoring into seven functions, Discipler, Spiritual Guide, Coach, Counselor, Teacher, Sponsor and Model. Model is further sub-divided into Contemporary and Historical Models. The first three mentoring functions are grouped together under the supra heading of Intensive Mentoring. The fourth through sixth functions are likewise grouped under the heading Occasional Mentoring. The two sub-types of models are considered under the heading Passive Mentoring.
The authors also define three essential dynamics of the mentoring process as Attraction, Responsiveness, and Accountability. These three dynamics are of greater importance in the more intensive types of mentoring. The three dynamics also address the second objective of the book, "what makes mentoring work."
The introduction of the seven mentoring functions and the three dynamics begins in chapter two, especially pages 41-45, and form the backbone of this book upon which most of the rest is expansion and elaboration. Chapter 11, especially pages 161-168, describes what the authors term the "Constellation Model" of mentoring. This model attempts to set forward a framework for the seven functions of mentoring detailed in chapters 3-10. This Constellation Model is defined in images of upward mentoring, downward mentoring, and peer co-mentoring. The peer co-mentoring is further described as either external (outside your organization) or internal (inside your organization). Peer co-mentoring is also described in terms of "close buddy", friend and acquaintance.
The fourth objective of the book is met throughout the book in the numerous illustrations and tidbit ideas for practical application of the mentoring concepts presented. This reviewer found chapters 13 and 14 to be especially helpful in meeting this objective. Chapter 13 listed "Ten Commandments of Mentoring" as well as insights from the mistakes, which the authors have made in mentoring. Chapter 14 presented five characteristics of leaders who finish well.
The book closes with an appendix that describes four principles of adult learning. The appendix is followed by a section of notes from the text. This section in turn is followed by a list of references cited in the text and an annotated bibliography.

Chapters three through ten form the core of the book and develop the material about the seven different functions of a mentor. These can also be understood to be seven different types of mentors.
Chapter three begins this section with a discussion of the Discipler Mentor. The chapter is descriptive and presents the basic growth habits of discipleship and a section of "hints for discipleship mentoring" that apply to both the disciple and the discipler. This chapter does not conclude with a chapter summary.
The second type of intensive mentoring, the spiritual guide, is described in chapter four. Again this chapter is descriptive with the major definitions being easily recognizable in boldface type font. This chapter delineates the functions of a spiritual guide and also gives a means of determining the need for a spiritual guide. It also does not conclude with a chapter summary.
Chapter five concludes the intensive mentoring functions with a development of the role of a coach. This chapter offers the mentoring dynamics, functions, and hints for the coach.
The idea of occasional mentoring is introduced in detail in chapter six with a discussion of the counselor mentor. Of special interest are the eight major empowerment functions of the counselor mentor as well as a section on hints for the counselor.
Occasional mentoring continues into chapter seven when the teacher is described as a mentor. Hints for the teacher-mentor and a section of tips to turn your teaching into mentoring are key sections of this chapter.
Occasional mentoring concludes in chapter eight when the sponsor is described. The sponsor functions and empowerment together with the practical hints on sponsor mentoring are useful listings. It's interesting that this chapter together with chapters five and ten are the only chapters dealing with the seven types of mentoring that offer chapter summaries at their conclusion. Several of the chapters do conclude with a section titled for further study. Chapters nine and ten take up the concept of passive mentoring by describing the role of first the contemporary model and then the historical model in the two chapters respectively.
As noted above, the heart of the book is found in chapters three through ten and each of these chapters in turn addresses the stated thesis of the book which is to present a method which leaders may use to finish well. While the concept of finishing well is not specifically addressed in great detail within the core of the book, in fact it is addressed most significantly in the final chapter, the methods presented in the core build up to and support the conclusion of the book with this thesis.
The book is very systematic and analytical in presenting a theory of mentoring. The structure appears easy to discern and the descriptive material tends to hold the reader's interest. It is a relatively easy read that seems to accomplish the purpose well which the authors set forth for it. This reviewer would highly recommend it to anyone interested in the subject of mentoring.

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Practical Yet Partial, July 16, 2005

By 

Rev. Thomas Scarborough (Cape Town, South Africa) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Connecting: The Mentoring Relationships You Need to Succeed (Paperback)

This book is based on a simple finding: "Research on mid-career, contemporary leaders led to [the] conclusion - few leaders finish well". Further, in the case where leaders did finish well, "their relationship to another person significantly enhanced their development". Thus the stage is set for the subject of mentoring, which the authors describe as (the concise definition):

a relational experience
through which one person empowers another
by sharing God-given resources.

Stanley and Clinton are well respected authorities in the field of leadership development, and this book represents a popular and "lightweight" version of far larger tomes, so providing easy access to their ideas. The authors focus mainly on the types of mentor who may enrich our lives, and how. The book explores nine common mentor types, and "ten commandments" required for successful mentoring one-on-one. Two further types of mentoring receive special attention, namely The Constellation Model (a relational network of upward, downward, and lateral mentoring), and Peer Co-Mentoring (mutual mentoring with a close friend).

The emphasis on the "relational experience" of mentoring is arguably both the greatest strength and the greatest weakness of the book. On the one hand, it offers one - in the words of the publishers - "access to the wisdom, experience, vision, and direction of those who have gone before". On the other hand, there is a great deal of emphasis on the values, skills, etc. which are transferred to the one being mentored, yet limited appreciation of how mentoring might point to God. The authors hardly touch on the type of mentoring which focuses on the "encounter with the Holy", and the sovereign grace required for a Christian leader to succeed and survive. In short, it tends towards a "Latin" theology of mentoring.

The book has a strong foundation in research and experience, and for this alone it is well worth a look. It is characterised by simplicity and ease of reading, and makes excellent use of diagrams, tables, and real-life illustrations to present the material in a readable and approachable way. On the whole, it gives one a good grounding in some of the more practical aspects of mentoring and being mentored, and may encourage some readers to advance to the more "serious" works of Stanley and Clinton.