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Connecting With Our Children : Guiding Principles for Parents in a Troubled World Paperback – August 9, 1999


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Connecting With Our Children : Guiding Principles for Parents in a Troubled World + Extraordinary Relationships: A New Way of Thinking About Human Interactions + The Eight Concepts of Bowen Theory
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 231 pages
  • Publisher: Wiley; 1 edition (August 9, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0471347868
  • ISBN-13: 978-0471347866
  • Product Dimensions: 5.6 x 0.6 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #605,697 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

Parents want a special relationship with their children Parents care. They want to guide their children through the rough spots in life and help them make the right decisions. Research shows that a special parental connection is extremely important in safeguarding children against dangers such as substance abuse, sexual promiscuity, criminal activity, and suicide. This is more important than ever before in today’s troubled world. But what does making this connection mean? Based on Bowen family systems theory, Connecting with Our Children shows parents how to build the connection found in better relationships. Now parents have a new way to think about and respond to family problems. The author examines common concerns, such as:
  • How substance abuse can repeat through generations
  • Why fusions between family members drive conflict
  • How family anxiety can erupt into violence
  • Whether stepfamilies can create a new family unit
  • What roles faith and humor play in a family
  • How effective are special contributions made by connections with grandparents
Numerous practical examples and stories illustrate familiar situations and concerns, so that parents can learn how to deal with the often confusing situations surrounding their children, as well as those within their own lives. With a different perspective, parents can learn to overcome these difficulties, creating a stronger family and a happier, more open relationship between parent and child.

About the Author

ROBERTA M. GILBERT, M.D., is a psychiatrist in private practice and on the faculty of the Georgetown Family Center. She is a noted expert in the innovative family systems theory pioneered by the late Dr. Murray Bowen. She is the author of the widely acclaimed Extraordinary Relationships (Wiley).

Customer Reviews

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Try any one of her books, you might like them.
Andrea M. Schara
This book provides an outstanding model for understanding family relationships and how to transition from anxiety to love as the basis of our interactions.
Gregwm6
I warmly recommend it for new parents, parents with teenagers, and especially grandparents.
Joseph Douglass

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

22 of 24 people found the following review helpful By Joseph Douglass on November 2, 1999
Format: Paperback
It seems that the greatest problems we face in bringing up our children are drugs, sex, violence, alcohol, and suicide. The best safeguard against all these problems, as shown in several massive studies is the child-family relationships or what is called "connecting." Dr. Gilbert's book is an excellent, highly readable, manual that explains the effective Bowen theory of family relationships and how to achieve the "connection" that is so valuable today in raising children. She also includes a wide variety of case studies and related thoughts and experiences of other professionals. Of special use is a listing of professionals in different cities who are also experts in Bowen family systems theory, which is invaluable to people who are currently experiencing problems and could use some professional guidance. This is a excellent book. Its timing could not be better. I warmly recommend it for new parents, parents with teenagers, and especially grandparents.
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful By Stephanie J. Ferrera on August 28, 2004
Format: Paperback
As a family therapist, I recommend Dr. Roberta Gilbert's books to clients, as well as give them as gifts to my own family. "Connecting with Our Children" starts with parents in order to understand children. Guiding our children starts with thinking through our own principles. Managing children's behavior starts with adults taking full responsibility for our own behavior. Gilbert's understanding of the larger family system and the larger society in which we raise our children gives her a broad perspective that is rare in the field of parenting. The wisdom in this book could save you a fortune in therapy fees.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Robo on June 25, 2013
Format: Paperback
I've found the writing and ideas presented by Roberta Gilbert
To be very important in gaining a unique and broad-based understanding
of ourselves and others as interrelated and integral parts of our family and social systems.
(-mostly as described by Bowen Theory.)
The Beauty of seeing ourselves, our thinking, and our actions as an
expression of many effects and experiences of our family shared over time
-consciously and unconsciously.
This is quite different from the common focus on the problem
child or individual and their 'issues' or 'symptoms'.
It also implies the need to be curious and always involved in mindful
awareness -able to recognize our own and others unconscious fears, reactivity,
and anxiety.
She also asks us to be more aware of the social anxiety and manipulative thinking that is being expressed
or projected at or around us in many ways not formerly acceptable or technically possible.
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11 of 17 people found the following review helpful By Andrea M. Schara on July 22, 2001
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Problems with kids? Well, perhaps it is time to pay the price, read a book and figure out at least a few of the many factors that go into children becoming "societies problem."
Take back your children through understanding, thats the deal.
Dr. Gilbert asks us to think carefuly and to take a more aware and disciplined approach to dealing with our own children.
A new way of thinking, Bowen theory may some day revolutionize psychiatry, Dr. Gilbert states. We all hope so.
Our families need common sense answers to big problems that seem so much more challenging in today's fast changing world.
Dr. Gilbert's stories help us to understand that our stories are not that different. We ar all run by emoitanl process in a so familure ways.
They are us and we are them. And as Pogo says I am the answer too. Read and learn. Dr. Gilbert listened, studied and learned. Now we can learn from the stories and her explanations.
Dr. Gilber has skillfully stayed away from blame and shame while still adressing responsibility and the big, often reactive issues in society. She points out that parents can learn to think over intense feelings. The possibility of increasing the ability to see what one is doing in the family and then to make better decisions is good medicine for the hopeless.
Diagrams add clarity to seeing how difficult situations unfold.
The main point seems to be that by increasing the ability to be a more seperate individual people who are very intimate, caring people can be more thoughful in response to upsets in others.
Yes,learning to rethink and rework old emotional threats makes for a world of new possibilities.
Read more ›
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This the first time I read a sensible analysis of why young students often "act out." Different anxieties passed along, transferred,,from (often) the father, to the mother, and then the tension, or stress passed along to the child, and, or a multiple of children.
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More About the Author

Dr. Gilbert is a psychiatrist whose special interest is Bowen family systems theory and its extensions and applications to individuals, families, and organizations. She is the founding director of the Center for the Study of Human Systems and is on the faculty of the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family (formerly Georgetown Family Center). She is a life fellow of the American Psychiatric Association.

Dr. Gilbert is the author of five books that deal with applying Bowen theory to life. The first book, Extraordinary Relationships, published in 1992 by John Wiley & Sons, grew out of her work with families and individuals. Her second book, Connecting with Our Children, published in 1999 by John Wiley & Sons, is a story of the principles of Bowen family systems theory for parents. Both books have received wide acclaim. Her newest books, The Eight Concepts of Bowen Theory; Extraordinary Leadership: Thinking Systems, Making a Difference; and The Cornerstone Concept: In Leadership, In Life were written as texts for the Extraordinary Leadership Seminar.

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