Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear [Paperback]

Pam Leo (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 1, 2005

"Connection Parenting" is based on author Pam Leo’s seven week parenting series, "Meeting the Needs of Children," that she has been teaching for over sixteen years. The premise is that a strong parent-child bond is the key to children's optimal human development and our most effective parenting tool. Connection Parenting is a proactive approach to parenting that supports parents and caregivers in creating and maintaining the strong bonds children need to thrive.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Connection Parenting is utterly transformational. -- Christiane Northrup, MD, author of Mother- Daughter Wisdom

Empowering, simple and undeniably true. -- Kali Wendorf, editor byronchild magazine

Pam Leo's "minimum daily requirements" of connection are the vitamins of everyday parenting. -- Bonnie Harris, author,

Pam Leo's brilliant work is needed by every child and every parent., it's on the top of our reading list. -- Jay Castellino, DC., RCST, Clinic Director: BEBA

This groundbreaking book powerfully and effectively addresses the root causes of many ills in our society. -- Kent W. Peterson, MD, FACPM, FACOEM

From the Publisher

ForeWord Magazine BOOK-OF-THE-YEAR 2005 FINALIST. Pam Leo's work is receiving critical acclaim for its profound importance to the parenting community:

Joseph Chilton Pearce, author, "Magical Child": Over the years I have followed Pam Leo's laudable work as a teacher of parents and expecting parents. No other issue facing us today is so critical as this work of hers, re-establishing parental bonding with infant-child as nature intended. Indeed, our survival as a nation and species is dependent on this reconnection.

Suzanne Arms, Founder of Birthing The Future, author, "Immaculate Deception": Connection Parenting is the book we will all wish our parents had read when we were born and passed on to us when our children were born. For parents and grandparents who want the best for their children of any age, Connection Parenting contains the sacred grandmother wisdom that will reconnect us with our children.

John W. Travis, MD, MPH, author, "Wellness Workbook", cofounder Alliance for Transforming the Lives of Children: Our best hope for transforming the lives of children is connection parenting.

Meryn Callander, President and cofounder Alliance for Transforming the Lives of Children: Connection Parenting speaks to the very heart of what both children and parents need in order to thrive, rather than merely survive...connection. Supporting parents in strengthening the parent-child bond is the responsibility of each and every one of us, and the prerequisite to the well-being of our world.

Ray Castellino, DC., RCST: Every child, every parent needs Connection Parenting. Pam Leo's brilliant work, Connection Parenting, is on the top of our reading list.

Barbara Wishingrad, Founder and President, The Rebozo Way Project: Connection parenting is the perfect extension of in-arms, continuum, or attachment parenting with our little ones--and it fits in our present day culture in a way that makes it accessible to families from all kinds of backgrounds and belief systems.

Jen Noble, Editor/Publisher Parent & Family: Pam Leo's Connection Parenting urges us to use what time we DO have to connect with our children, and to make an effort to create that special one-on-one time. Her poignant words offer a positive and proactive approach to parenting within today's limitations and pressures, without a load of guilt and blame placed on busy parents.

Aletha Solter, Ph.D., Director of the Aware Parenting Institute, author, "The Aware Baby": Among the hundreds of parenting books available today, Pam Leo's handbook, Connection Parenting, is like a breath of fresh air. Don't be deceived by its simplicity. She has captured the essence of good parenting with profound and compassionate advice.

Diane Gossen, author, "It's All About WE; Rethinking Discipline Using Restitution": I am delighted with Pam Leo's book. It has a host of practical ideas anyone of us can use to enjoy our children or grand-children.

Tom Adams, Founder, KidFlourish: I loved Connection Parenting because it gently encouraged me to connect with my kids in ways I hadn't quite heard before. Thanks Pam, for sharing this wisdom in a powerful yet uncomplicated way.

Lisa Reagan, co-founder Families for Natural Living: Grounded in field-tested experience for three decades, Pam's illuminating insights into the components of creating and preserving the sacred bond between parent and child picks up where basic attachment parenting and Continuum Concept recommendations end. This readable book offers practical, compassionate parenting tools that are sure to make it an instant classic. This is the parenting book I have been waiting for! Thank you Pam!

Kent W. Peterson, MD, FACPM, FACOEM, former Executive Vice President American College of Preventive Medicine: The only solution to the unsustainable skyrocketing cost of medical care is prevention. The groundbreaking book Connection Parenting powerfully and effectively addresses root causes of many ills in our society--alienation, violence, substance abuse, depression and other mental illnesses. Pam Leo's clear vision of how to foster bonding and attachment at the beginning of life and to sustain it through continuing connection with children offers practical assistance for families everywhere. Connection parenting offers true hope for preventing the unsustainable skyrocketing cost of medical care in our society today.

Beth Stoddard, MBA, Licensed Edu-K Consultant nd Brain Gym® Instructor: The parents of the children in my Brain Gym practice and the students in my courses are very eager to learn from all Pam's years of experience and from her deep understanding and profound honoring of the uniqueness of each individual child. I'll just keep a supply of her books in my office--the parents' "Bible" and encourage each family to buy a copy. Connection Parenting is the perfect baby present for every new parent.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 198 pages
• Publisher: Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing (November 1, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1932279172
• ISBN-13: 978-1932279177
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.2 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,148,943 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

37 of 37 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Read this book! June 21, 2006

By Lawrence J. Cohen

I few years ago I went to Maine to give a talk about parenting. A number of moms came up to ask questions afterwards, and I was amazed at how thoughtful and reflective they were about their children, and about themselves. They all had a tremendous respect for their children and some great ideas about how to make things better for their families. I asked them, jokingly, if they had all taken the same class or something. They laughed and said that they had, they had taken Pam Leo's workshop called Meeting the Needs of Children. i decided I had to meet this person, and I did. We ended up presenting several lectures and workshops together. I was thrilled when she wrote her book, so that now those people who aren't able to take her class (and even those who do) can still get her wisdom and warmth. After reading the book, I was even more thrilled--it is well-written, powerful, and compassionate. I strongly recommend it. Larry Cohen, author of Playful Parenting.

49 of 58 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A Book for Global Transformation January 18, 2007

By Carmine Leo

Henry David Thoreau first read his essay on "Civil Disobedience" in public during a lecture in 1848 and within fifty years, a young Indian lawyer in Africa had read it and incorporated those ideas into his own life. That lawyer was named Mohandas Gandhi, and Thoreau's work, along with the work of Russian writer Leo Tolstoy, became the foundation of a movement that brought down an empire and changed the course of world history. Someone once said to me, "There is nothing in the world so powerful as an idea whose time has come." Pam Leo's book, "Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion... Through Love Instead of Fear" is a book of ideas whose time has come.

After reading this book, I understood myself better than I ever have from reading any other book. And trust me, I've read a lot of books, on average two or three a week for the last 35 years. In every book, I've found one or two useful bits about the human condition that I could both absorb and put into practice. This is the only body of work I have ever encountered where all the scattered pieces are in one place, all at the same time.

There are at least four layers in "Connection Parenting". The first layer is the most obvious; it's a book about parent/child bonding and attachment. This is a practical framework for optimizing family relationships so that everyone in a family gets their essential needs met and can thrive. This book lays out what we need to do differently so our children don't drive us crazy, so they can grow up to be whole, functional adults able to have healthy relationships, find meaningful work, and have satisfying lives. This alone is worth the price of the book, just for the information we need to become more effective parents....

A second layer is that this book also maps out a process for building a Connection Parenting support community, using these ideas as a foundation for developing our current relationships with other parents into proactive resources. Many of us have lost the strong connections and support from our extended family. We are hungry for real community, and we desperately need the resources and support that community can provide. This is a workshop in a book, and though I'm certain it will be incredibly useful for any parent who reads it and completes the exercises by themselves, its greatest power and effect will be realized by those who put it into practice as a member of a parenting group committed to mutual support.

The third layer speaks to self-reflection, which is where I started this review. It is impossible to read Connection Parenting without some small, quiet, internal aspect of our heart saying, "Wait a minute, if this is what I really needed as a child, and that is what I got instead, well no wonder I have these kinds of challenges in my life as an adult." While the primary focus of "Connection Parenting" is indeed creating and sustaining healthy parent/child bonds, the reality is that this book carries both a theoretical and a practical framework for optimal development in all human relationships.

The fourth layer may not be so obvious. At its core, "Connection Parenting" is about love, about deep, human bonding through trust, compassion and respect. If we raise generations of children in this way, millions of them throughout the world, what kind of society and culture will they create over time? What if everyone knew this, lived it, and practiced it in every family, in every relationship? Perhaps you think it was marketing spin, pure hyperbole, for me to compare "Connection Parenting" with "Civil Disobedience". Ok, that's fine, but I'll make a prediction here: Connection Parenting is going to shake the world in ways we can't even begin to see today. What effect will these ideas have on war, crime, domestic violence, child abuse, drug addiction, poverty and so on? How will positive changes in those persistent and problematic social challenges affect our global economy? This body of work implies downstream impacts that are monumental in scope.

I suspect "Connection Parenting" will be incredibly controversial. I've already seen a direct correlation between the level of my reaction to some of the ideas set forth here and the level of wounding I still carry inside myself from my own childhood. If I've seen that in myself, I can only imagine how people from groups based on coercive ideologies will respond. Let me say that a different way. If you read this book and find yourself reacting with strong resistance, your reaction will likely be in exact proportion to the degree to which your needs were not met as a child, as they are set forth in this book. I personally don't see that as a bad thing, in fact, I see it as helpful when ideas new to me illuminate the darker corners in me that I'm still working out.

Whatever your reaction, my deepest hope is that everyone reads this book and applies Connection Parenting principles within their families and in their relationships with children. I will gladly recommend this book to every client I work with. Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see." "Connection Parenting" can change the world one family at a time and that's good enough for me.

Carmine Leo, CEC, PCC

Executive & Corporate Coach

Emotional Intelligence Development

[...]

A brief note after the review:

By now you may have noticed that Pam and I share a common surname. You might even have guessed that we are related, and indeed we are: Pam is my former wife and current dearest friend. If you think that makes me biased, you are absolutely correct. I suspect that there is no one in the world, other than Pam herself, who is more intimately familiar with her work than I am. Throughout the decades of our relationship it has been, without exception, an extraordinary privilege to know her, to learn from her, and to be a witness to the evolution of the body of ideas set forth in Connection Parenting. How many divorced men do you know who are willing and able to say that about their former wives? If I have been able to contribute to her success in some small way, that too has been one of her many gifts to me. Read more ›

20 of 23 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars It really answers some basic parenting questions about the truth of rearing children who feel loved and love in return October 20, 2005

By Caron B. Goode

Amazon Verified Purchase

I have read Pam Leo's book from cover to cover, and I want to recommend it to all parents and caregivers who feel frustrated with their children, tired of their behavior or wonder how to meet their needs. For example, in a book store yesterday, I observed several parents with toddlers in strollers who were listening to an author read a story book. The children were frustrated, some crying,and one insisting to be held by his mom who told this two-year old to sit still. This is a plainly a case of tired parents taking child out for entertainment and education.Was anyone benefitting? Were mom's needs or child's needs being met? If this sounds like you, buy and read Connection Parenting from cover to cover. It answers in such simple and common sense language how to meet your child'd needs through love and bonding, not fear or threats, or fatigue. It will change your thinking.

Dr. Caron Goode

Academy for Coaching Parents International, LLC

[...]

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Great advice December 11, 2006

By pauliesaurus

Amazon Verified Purchase

I'm a first time parent of a toddler, and am looking for ways to ensure that I raise a loving, emotionally healthy child. This book provides some very practical advice and explains emotional needs in a way that seems simple and to the point. The book is a quick read. I took away a lot from this book, and it has already helped me in dealing with my child's tantrums and has made me more aware of my actions and reactions toward her behavior.

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Connection Parenting January 6, 2006

By Jamie H.

Amazon Verified Purchase

Dear Pam

I just finished Connection Parenting and wanted to write and tell you how much I loved it. I actually read through it and plan to go back and take each chapter by chapter and do all the exercises. Even just reading straight through has helped so much. I finished it yesterday and found myself today trying not say don't and to think twice speak once.

I feel this book has so much needed information for parents. Each chapter I read I kept saying to myself, that makes so much sense. I would take key paragraphs and have my husband read them. He too found it helpful. Though we are attachment parenters to our 20 month old son , there are still things I find myself say or do that I want to change. It also brought me back to childhood and habits I have made sense to me. Like crying when angry and biting my nails for example.

I could go on and on about what I liked about the book, but since it was everything, I just want to share the certain points you made that I can't get out of my head.

The Ghandi/Hitler role reversal section was very powerful. The think twice/speak once had a huge impact on me. It just make total sense. The section where you wrote about babies crying is supposed to bother us is information that I knew, but when you followed it with a child's button pushing behavior is also meant to bother us. Again made total sense. Of course they are trying to tell us something is wrong!

again, this is just a short list of what I loved about the book.

I made a promise to myself after I had my son that when any friend or family member became pregnant I was going to give them a selection of books that I felt were important to read. The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, and The Baby Book are at the top of the list.... I want you to know Connection Parenting just got added to my must give list and one of the top ones. Though my son is only 20 months, I wish I had had it when I was pregnant. Your book is a must have for any parent.

Thank you so much for this book and I would love to see your workshop in NH!

Warmly,

Jamie Hupfer Read more ›