Customer Reviews

Conquering Fear: Living Boldly in an Uncertain World

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I am reviewing this book as a member of the Amazon Vine Program, which means that I received an advance copy marked "This is an uncorrected proof. It should not be quoted without comparison with the finished book." That said...

...there are a number of books available on the subject of fear. When I ordered this book for review, I also ordered Max Lucado's Fearless: Imagine Your Life Without Fear. No matter where you stand on the issue of fear in your life, there are three variables that will determine what value, if any, books of this type have for you.

1). The circumstances of your life right now, in this very moment. As Christian author A.B. Simpson once wrote, "It is easy to have faith for our needs, and to trust Him (God) when the sun is shining." By the same token, if your life is relatively smooth sailing right now, you can't offer a valid discourse on how you handle fear unless you're afraid of something right now. People generally don't pick up a book on fear unless they're afraid.

2). Your theology. Harold Kushner is Rabbi Laureate of Temple Israel in Natick, Massachusetts. Max Lucado is a minister at Oak Hills Church in San Antonio. There are also secular books on the subject of fear. If you want faith-based discussion of the topic, that's your choice. If you don't, reading either Kushner or Lucado's book and complaining about the constant references to God is an exercise in futility. Read the label before you buy the product.

3). The "voice" of the author covering the subject. Kushner is more pragmatic and analytical in his take on the subject. Lucado, as he will often do in his books, approaches gravity with levity on occasion. Example:

"I'll go with a grande happy-latte, with a dollop of love, sprinkled with Caribbean retirement."

That style of writing, in a book on fear, may inspire you and encourage you. Or, if you're like me, might motivate you to hurl the book through the nearest open window. Look at it this way...when you have an issue in your life, when you're afraid, when you feel like your back is up against the wall, you have people you call for encouragement and people you do not call. If you like Lucado's big brother "Hey, buddy, chill...God's got your back" style, Lucado's your man. I preferred Kushner.

That said, Kushner quotes columnist Liat Collins early in the book: "Perhaps deep down my greatest fear is that if I was to live in fear, I would never get anything done."

That's the foundation of the book, also reflected in the subject line of my review, also drawn from the book. Kushner is not telling you that fear isn't real (as the "False Evidence Appearing Real" crowd would have you believe). He's not telling you that fear is "good" or "bad." Example: Fire that cooks your food is good. Fire that burns down your house is bad. If you can't fix your dinner without being gripped by the fear that you might burn down your house, you have fear issues.

The book is framed by two dynamic chapters, "The Eleventh Commandment" ("Don't Be Afraid") and "Conquering Fear" ("Hope And Courage Are The Will Of God"). In between these two chapters, Kushner addresses a variety of common fears which may or may not have had you in their grasp at one time or another: terrorism (especially post-9/11), natural disasters, rapid change, the fear that humanity will destroy itself, rejection, growing old, and death.

He offers a brilliant example of how obsessive fear can destroy in the "terrorism" chapter.

"An Israeli man whose daughter had been badly burned in the bombing of a school bus was quoted as saying, "There are worse things than dying, and one of them is to live every hour of every day of your life in fear. We are not going to do that.""

The book isn't a magic elixir or pill that you can swallow that will banish fear. Only you can determine how you'll handle it's place in your life. Kushner lays out the effects of fear, particularly its ability to immobilize you and prevent you from any progress in your life. His discussion of God and His role in dealing with your fears is honest, even if it's not what many "God will handle this for me" devotees would like to hear:

"And where does the psalmist get the courage to stand up against enemies and other dangers? It comes from his faith in God, not a God who protects him from all trouble and danger but a God who stands with him in time of trouble and danger so that he never has to feel he is facing his problems alone. To the psalmist, God is the source of light, strength and salvation."

How strong is your personal faith in your own ability to stand firm, face your fears, and survive? Do you gain strength from God as described by Kushner, or do you curse Him for not "fixing" things for you?

This gives you a detailed road map of the journey found in this book. It's for you, or it's not. Only you know for sure.

Many people may recall the philosopher/milkman Tevye from "Fiddler On The Roof". As he made his daily rounds, trying to eke out a living for his wife and daughters from the production of a single cow in an unstable political environment made worse by his being a Jew, Tevye carried on an endless dialog with God. "If I Were A Rich Man" is one of those songs, like "You've Got To Be Taught" from the play "South Pacific" that attempts to encompass a deeply serious subject into a three-minute song.

Rabbi Kushner reminds me of the man I imagine Tevye would like to have been able to talk with.

Kushner does not attempt to tell the reader how to rid their lives of fear. It is more of a "live with it" approach. He talks about the varieties of fear - well, more like some of the common fears shared by many people, such as the fear of aging and of death, fear of losing a job or a love and so on.

Kushner takes on the role of philosopher in these pages, not that of a therapist - or even much of a helper.

Overall, I didn't particularly care for Kushner's approach. With no disrespect intended, I find much of his writing trite. In the chapter on the fear of growing old, a subject I know well since I am indeed growing old, he offers this: "My advice to the woman who is afraid that age will wither her beauty would be to make sure that there are people in your life who knew you at your loveliest and still see you that way." Virtually the entire book is composed of sage advice on this level.

On the other hand, Kushner is something of a delight to read - and would probably be even more delightful to engage in discussion. He has an easy style and writes clearly on a broad array of subjects. He constantly references third-parties, far too many of whom are contemporary celebrities. (I am also handicapped in reading this book by Kushner's frequent use of a religious context: logical for him since he is a Rabbi. I, however, am not religious and am not comfortable with handing off responsibility to unseen, unknowable forces. To paraphrase Freud, sometimes life is just life.)

So on the whole, I didn't come away with a lot from this book, but my mind wasn't empty either. I think that Kushner, like chopped liver and caviar, may be an acquired taste. Kushner talks about the problem of fear, tells you that you aren't alone, pats you on the back and sends you on your own way.

Jerry

"Conquering Fear" is the latest offering from Rabbi Harold Kushner, whose books are known for their comforting, accessible guidance. One of Kushner's gifts is his ability to present theological aspects of human situations in a manner which can be easily absorbed by most readers. This book, like his others, can be read quickly or slowly depending on how much time you want to devote to pondering what he has written. In this book, Kushner tackles fear in all its forms: from our national fears of terrorism to our helplessness and fear in the face of hurricanes and other natural disasters to the very personal fears of loss of jobs or loss of love. He builds to the ultimate fear: death. His premise is that fear is always going to be there-- we must find ways to cope with it and look beyond and above the fear.

This is a comforting book and enjoyable to read, particularly if you are seeking religious or spiritual explanations of life. I call this kind of book a "3:00 am book" referring to F. Scott Fitzgerald's quote that "in the real dark night of the soul it's always 3:00 in the morning." It's the kind of book you can pick up when your mind is racing or you can't sleep, and it will calm you. It is not really a self-help book designed to give you "10 tips for dealing with your fears"-- rather the help comes in the form of comfort and wisdom and a more peaceful sense of self.

If you are looking for something that will help you cope with fear or anxiety on a more psychological level, I recommend Dr. David Burns' book, When Panic Attacks: The New, Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life. Also, if you're looking for a non-religious, yet spiritual and thoughtful book that will help you build the kind of life perspective that takes away fear, try this excellent book Learning to Fall: The Blessings of an Imperfect Life.

I read this author's book "How Good Do We Have to Be" many years ago and as a Vine member, chose this book because I'm one who over thinks things, creates my own anxiety sometimes in the pursuit of replacing fear with peace. From my experience with the book this is clearly not a self help book, but more of a comforting conversation with an old friend, with references to his history and faith, and acts more of an acknowledgment that fears of certain topics are common. One of the interesting approaches it takes is that dismantling fear with facts is usually not the most effective way to fight fear-- because most fears aren't based on factual things anyway.

The book opens with the author's statement that the publisher commissioned him to write a book on this topic, which made my antennae go up, but honestly if you have a fear about one of the topics listed as a chapter, you may find this book interesting.

This is not a psychology book or self help book, as I mentioned, and if you're someone of faith that's probably not what you're looking for anyway. I found the book an easy read, but because many of my personal anxiety or fear producing topics don't happen to be "terrorism" or "hurricanes" I found that many of the chapters weren't compelling to me.

All in all, this is sort of fear meets chicken soup for the soul. If that's something you think would be interesting, this may be the book for you!

Watching certain television channels these days makes me wonder how people can get through the day. What will end your world? Global warming? An asteroid? A mega-tsunami? An uncontrollable virus? Sheesh!

Well, in this interesting book, Rabbi Harold S. Kushner (the author of the excellent When Bad Things Happen to Good People) discusses fear and how to transcend it. He doesn't try to get his reader to ignore fears, or the subjects of them. Instead, his focus is how to live with them and live boldly!

I found this to be a very interesting and down-to-earth book on conquering fear, one with excellent advice that is very easy to grasp and put into operation. I highly recommend it!

Kushner still has the touch. this is a quite good self-help manual on facing down your fears. Much of it is hashed and rehashed from other books like it, but Kushner has his own 'spin' that makes it a worthwhile read.

Humans are the only animals that fear the future-a consequence of the gift of foresight. Harold Kushner, best known as the author of WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE, takes on fear in this quick but thoughtful book.

The essence of CONQUERING FEAR can be found in words Rabbi Kushner shared with an ill congregant: "God's job is not to make sick people healthy. That's the doctor's job. God's job is to make sick people brave." (18) The book reminds us that while bad things may lie ahead, being crippled by fear in the present will only make them worse. Indeed, throughout the book Kushner reminds us that God himself repeatedly urges people not to be afraid. Kushner's deity is not about fire and brimstone but overcoming fear.

The book includes chapters on some of the things that Americans fear most these days: terrorism, natural disasters, unemployment, lovelessness, aging, and finally the ultimate terror: death. While CONQUERING FEAR will be a good read for any age group, it is profoundly an older man's book, as Kushner writes about aging and death with a purpose that a younger author, no matter how empathetic, couldn't achieve. What he has to say is both comforting and inspiring. In a nutshell, it is that "Your life is the story; death is only punctuation." (157) Those words aren't just a balm for the ailing; they are a summons to life for the healthy.

Speaking of this being an old man's book tempered by his life's experience, I was particularly taken by Kushner's meditation on Ecclesiastes. As a young man, he loved it because it spoke to the hypocrisy he saw everywhere. At thirty-five, he read it as the musings of a man worried that everything he'd worked for would disappear. At fifty, after his father's death, he understood the book as an old man's fear of death: he's not worried that his work will be gone, but that he will be gone. It's this kind of nuanced analysis that makes CONQUERING FEAR such a good read. It feels like the distillation of decades of serious thought about human struggle.

At a time when fear surrounds us, this book will both sooth and stir you.

When I chose to read this book, I wasn't quite sure where it would lead me. I haven't read any of the author's previous books, but I had heard about how mixed and strong the reactions to his past work was (particularly When Bad Things Happen To Good People) and I was very curious about what I would find. What I did fine is an extremely articulate and insightful work on the nature of fear in our lives, that didn't put as much emphasis as I would have liked on the topic of how to cope with the feeling.

The past controversy over this author's work largely seems to center on his view of the place of God in the world. When faced with the traditional problem of evil in the world (ie how can God be all powerful and all good, yet continue to allow evil to occur), this author chose to answer that God isn't all powerful. While he felt that it would be far more tragic to believe in a God where we couldn't depend on his goodness, he's had some readers who were very vocal with their discomfort about the idea that something as terrible as a hurricane or childhood cancer could happen without some kind of larger plan and ultimate good being guaranteed from it.

I think that it's very important that anyone who might read this book understand that basic premise. We are talking hear about an author who believes, for example, in a God who isn't going to miraculously cure a sick person. He expresses very clearly "God's job is not to make sick people healthy. That's a doctor's job. God's job is to make sick people brave." If you are deeply uncomfortable with that kind of mindset, I would strongly recommend that you not read this book. It would just make you unhappy.

I do find his overall level of insight and thoughtfulness to be remarkable, however. Each chapter focuses on a particular subject of fear, such as the fear of natural disasters and the fear of growing old. He frequently makes references to the Torah and the Talmud (as one would expect of a Rabbi) and also mixes in stories from his own life and more recent events. His overall message is that the worst thing that can happen to you is to be so paralyzed by fear that you miss out on your life.

In spite of the frequent religious references, I don't think the possible value of this text is limited to religious people. Certainly if you hate religion in general or Judaeism in particular, you're going to be so unhappy with all of the references to it that you're not likely to walk away with much of value. However, specifically because this author doesn't believe that God is going to swoop in and solve all of our problems, when he talks about how to address our fears he focuses on what we should be addressing in our own actions and attitudes rather than talking about what we should be asking God to do on our behalf.

I do disagree with the author on certain points, such as his belief that the only explanation for a low birth rate is that people are losing faith in the future. I think that the decision to have children is, or at least ought to be, much more nuanced than "Do I think the future is going to be a nice place to live 20+ years from now?" Still, while I don't buy into the premise, he has interesting commentary to offer along that line.

The main failing point of the book is that I believe that most readers are likely to come to it with a (not unreasonable, given the way it's presented) expectation that they'll be offered more in the way of concrete actions to take regarding their fears. More often, the focus is on how to adjust your own world view in order to better understand your fear. I believe that there can be tremendous freedom and calm in being able to name and understand the source of your fear, but I don't think that it fulfills the expectations a typical reader will have.

Rabbi Harold Kushner states in the introduction to this work that this is the first of his books which did not come of his own initiative. Rather an Editor and Friend suggested that he knew so many people now living in Fear that a book was needed on the subject. Rabbi Kushner writes this work with the aim of helping others. He is not a dogmatic or arrogant guide but rather makes suggestions as to the wise and practical way for people to act. He offers no cure- alls and does not pretend that Fear is something that can or even should be overcome in all cases. He often seems guided by the teaching of Walter Frankl that we may not be able to control what happens to us, but we are responsible for our response to this. In other words the evil events may come no matter how we prevent them but we can still in certain cases decide what to make of them. Rabbi Kushner deals with communal fears, like the fear of a Terrorist Act, or the fear that Humans will not survive on earth- and also with fears such as fear of losing a job, or being rejected in love. His consideration of all the various Fears is made in the same modest and clear spirit and tone. As he understands it we cannot expect that God will always answer our prayers, that God will make events turn out as we would like. What we can expect is that God will be 'with us' and that we will be with God in our reactions to these events. Rabbi Kushner here is very much concerned with the fear of loneliness, and one element of his religious faith is his sense that being with God is a true answer to this.
Rabbi Kushner does not believe he is providing a guaranteed answer to the person's problems and this attitude makes his advice easier to consider seriously.
I highly recommend this work. It may not be the answer but it will help readers truly consider and reconsider much which is troubling them. And it may well be of real help to many of them.

Our weekly study group - 12-16 folks - read and discussed Kushner's "Conquering Fear" on the recommendation of two who had read his earlier and better known book, "Whe Bad Things Happen to Good People." The bottom line is that we liked "Conquering Fear" a lot. In it Kushner presents some simple concepts to remind us that we all have the ability to cope with difficulties - and fears - that we encounter daily ... fears of terrorism, fear of rapid change, fear the loss of a job, fear of rejection, fear of death, etc. In the last chapter he talks about how hope and courage in the face of fear are the will of God, that God wants us to be succeed in conquering fear and be happy. This is a book that will give you greater confidence that you can handle the challenges - and fears - you face daily.