Customer Reviews

The Conscious Bride: Women Unveil Their True Feelings about Getting Hitched (Women Talk About)

5 star:		(29)
4 star:		(9)
3 star:		(5)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(5)

 

 

While these 6 inch thick bridal magazines have ideas on wedding gowns, honeymoon locales, and bridesmaid dresses, this book is wonderful for the emotional changes that will take place as you prepare for your wedding. For me the single most valuable aspect of this book is that it is *validating*- that I'm not the only one who has experienced lows during this "happiest" time in my life. Through the use of other brides' experiences and quotes, this book validates the losses (e.g., place of Dad in your life), the fear of changes (loss of name, loss of single independence), the disappointments (the ring, the proposal, the absence of deceased loved ones), and generally the feeling of being overwhelmed by the giant Wedding Creature that seems to overtake your life. I didn't really get "advice" per se out of this book- mostly just the feeling that I'm not alone and weird if I experience a negative emotion as a I plan and anticipate my wedding. I don't really need advice- I just wanted to hear I wasn't alone.

As other reviewers have pointed out, the author does talk about losing one's "maidenhead" and the author does have a tendency to relate things to mythology. While another reviewer had a problem with the maidenhead section- I really didn't. For example, the author relates part of "maidenhead" to the loss (or potential loss) of one's maiden name. I'm an older (31) professional (Ph.D.) bride, and I've struggled with the loss of my maiden name and my identity (and whether I want to lose my name at all). The author even indicates that older brides may have bigger problem giving up a name that they've had, identified with, and used professionally for so long. She also discussed the loss of life as a single woman, which is a huge deal the longer you are one.

In short: I personally don't believe that this book is limited to younger brides. I've got my own house and live in a different time zone from my parents, but I am still experiencing some of these issues discussed in the book. But all you've got are two different opinions from two different Amazon reviewers that you don't know from sticks on the ground.

The use of mythology didn't do much for me, but perhaps others might relate to it as a way of making one of the author's points more clear.

Did I relate to absolutely *everything* in the book? Of course not- but could I expect to? (For example, my mom has been wonderful and very unpushy- so the parts dealing with pushy moms aren't really my deal). Overall, I highly recommend this book. And look: Given all the ridiculous amounts of money brides spend on those big fat bridal magazines that have all the same advertisements in them- just put down one of them, get this book, and see if it does anything for you.

I went to a bookstore yesterday looking for relief in a book about my post wedding angst. Viola! I'm in my second month of marriage and my husband and I are discovering why they say the first year is the most difficult. We're both definitely going through our own personal growing pains. Sometimes it doesn't feel like the "us" I've known at all. So, upon rapidly purchasing Sheryl's book and reading as much as I could squeeze in last night, I'm at least feeling more assured that these feelings are quite normal.

The word "therapy" has continually popped into my head since he proposed last December 30th. Fortunately, since I've gone through my share of self exploration, I felt I was equipped with enough tools to deal with my new emotions. And I do feel I gave them their due credence. I was told I was the calmest bride many of my guests had ever seen. And I did feel calm, serene even.

However, immediately after the wedding was over, I missed it. I felt it had slipped through time as quickly as Cinderella's carriage turned into a pumpkin. Once the wedding was over, I was off my "pedestal". What a crash. Princess syndrome aside, the post wedding reality of the "forever" commitment had propelled me into the depressed and freaked out state that lead me to the bookstore last night. "The Conscious Bride" book is just the affirmation I needed that I'm on the right track in realizing this is quite an adjustment both my husband and myself have taken on. I purchased two copies - my sister-in-law is engaged to be married in May. I'm sure she will be pleased to read it during her engagement.

This book is essential for every bride to be and for anyone who has been a bride. I found this book 3 years after I was married...I only wish it was available around the time of my wedding! It would have helped me so much! Reading it now, it helped me to realize that the crazy feelings I was having were ok and even normal.

Some of the things I could do without in the book: the frequent references to mythology and the way the author seemed to imply that in some ways you would become different after the wedding...(I am almost tempted to encourage brides to read this book well after their wedding for that reason).

A great self-help bridal book to help deal with the roller coaster of feelings, emotions, and changing states of mind of the bride.

After my engagement high ended and the realities of planning a wedding and entering into a marrage settled in, I experienced true panic, anxiety and distress.

At first I feared I was having doubts about my relationship. I even went into therapy -- 20 weeks of which did absolutely nothing to help. Then, fortuitously, I found this book. And suddenly, all the emotions became clear to me.

I'm going to send a copy to my former therapist so she knows how to deal with "strange" women like me who don't experience total unabashed joy from their engagement to wedding day. (Those people are deluded.)

Entering into a marriage is really about finding a new identity, like it or not. And I loved being single and free. The thought of leaving it behind is quite an emotional good-bye for me, even as I simultaneously looked forward to being married. It's a real conflict.

More than that, I also had a bucketload of parental and family baggage that marriage forced me to confront. Moving on to a next phase of life really forces you to look at the phase you're leaving closely, especially as you start deciding which relatives to invite to your big day. It's no wonder I was so emotional.

I devoured this book, and I am sure I will enter into a much saner wedding, and marriage, as a result of it.

I agree with one of the other reviewers, too. This is a much more meaningful engagement or wedding present than kitchenware or negligees.

I am an older first time bride (26), and a mother, and cannot imagine what the past three weeks would have been like without this book. I was lucky enough to find it the first night of my engagement, after a bewildering crying jag in the bookstore parking lot. This book set off light bulbs left and right. It helped me draw connections between my own confusing emotions and the universal experience of brides through the ages. It fills a void in the current discussion of marriage experience. Sheryl weaves so many threads from mythology into her discussion of modern commitment, and it adds an element of timelessness that is very reassuring. The gifts I take from this book are that I am not alone, and my sometimes ambivalent feelings do not invalidate my love for and commitment to my fiance. I can't tell you how much this book has changed the quality of my life during my engagement. Buy it and give it to every bride you know instead of that darn tupperware. Even if she doesn't know she's confused, she'll thank you.

Upon hearing of my engagement (about a month ago), a friend of mine who was six months into her planning immediately wrote back to me and said, "I'm sending you this book!" I must admit, I still haven't finished it because I find parts of it ringing so true with things I wasn't even aware that I was feeling. I end up crying and needing time just to sit and think through what I've read. In recognizing that sad, angry, and upsetting feelings can (and perhaps even should) accompany engagements in addition to the socially-accepted pleasant ones, this book gives the reader permission to feel a whole range of emotions, all of which must be experienced to make the "transformation" from single to married complete.

In working life, I'm a Ph.D. clinical psychologist, and sadly have never encountered anything like this book in all of my training or experience- I have been praising it to friends and colleagues alike. This book addresses a very specific but very important issue, and I would highly recommend it to anyone - male or female, of any age - who is engaged and wants to better understand the often unrecognized emotional turmoil that can accompany getting married.

First off, let me cut to the chase: this book has been a true gift! Two months away from my wedding and I was starting to feel miserable. Miserable? Huh? Yes, it's true. You can feel miserable right at "the happiest time of your life". Feeling sure this must mean I didn't really want to get married, I began to panic. Why all the confusion? Fortunately, this book was recommended to me. I think I began to cheer before I finished the intro. I am normal! This book helped me to see that there is so much more involved in getting married than what we see in the magazines. Sheryl Nissinen provides such clear insights into the complex emotions brides feel throughout their engagement and into the first year of marriage. If nothing else, this book allows brides to feel everything and not feel "wrong". Several times my jaw dropped in amazement, "she's in my head!" And several times I had to just sit and cry. I could completely relate to just about everything in this book and felt so relieved that so my feelings were shared by so many who have made this journey (and, yes, it is a journey to the altar) before me. I feel so much better prepared to meet my groom and to make the transition from single to bride to wife.

If you are engaged or newly married, read this book. I feel its insights are applicable to brides of all ages, but most particularly those near to their wedding date. Share it with your fiance if you desire. My fiance read a few passages himself and he was impressed with the sense that it makes. He said he never realized how deeply women feel this change in their lives. Cheers to Ms. Nissinen!

I was married recently at age 31 and while I was planning the wedding I was disappointed that so much planning time goes into the dress, and resgistry, and flowers, and, and, and... I enjoyed it but felt something was "missing". Luckily 3 weeks before our big day my girlfriend gave me this wonderful book. It refocused me on what matters. I read it practically cover to cover in one sitting. It describes all the EMOTIONAL adjustments you make -- and aren't really given an outlet for in the frenzy of wedding planning. I feel like I appreciated my wedding day so much more because I read this book.

A great engagement (or post-wedding) gift to yourself and your fiance, or to a friend who is getting married. My now-husband found it very interesting too in order to better understand what was going on in my head.

I LOVE THIS BOOK! I got married in October 2003. I recommend this book to any bride with self-awareness/insight and an interest in going through the insane wedding planning process with integrity and as much wholeness as one can muster. The BEST things I got out of The Conscious Bride were these:

1)Validation and guidence for my often not so pretty/complicated feelings that were coming up before the wedding about myself/my finacee/my parents -- all of it!

2) a model for how to have a meaningful rather than just a materialistic bridal shower (In the end, I chose both!)

3) a guide for how to conduct myself on the day itself.
Because I studied the chapters "Has everyone gone Mad?" and "The Wedding Day" I was clear that -- of course --things go wrong. So when they did, I laughed! I was totally serene on my wedding day and I attribute a lot of it to the inner work I did before hand that The Conscious Bride encouraged, unlike any other book I found (Except: On the Way to the Wedding by Linda S. Leonard). This book helped shatter the illusion of perfection that sets up paralysis and inevitable dissapointment.

It encourages brides to embrace their own humanity and the humanity of everyone around them and thereby create the space for truely having a great, whole day. I drank up every chapter and was deeply grateful The Conscious Bride was given to me because I found it hard to find that psychologically aware, sane, realistic, humane message in many other places.
P.S. One confusing thing is that the Book is By Sheryl Nissinen but the Amazon page calls her Sheryl Paul.

I was hesitant to buy this book because I thought it would be mainly for those over-30 brides that have that whole single life that they would be giving up. As someone with just 20 years of single-hood, I am still grateful for The Conscious Bride because it says all the things I've been wishing my friends would say. There's something so validating in reading what other women have experienced. Of course, it's a little too new-age for me, but I can ignore the references to mythology and transformation to hear what's at the heart of this book--an acknowledgement that it's okay to feel crappy.
I just ordered my dress today, with that 'all sales final' rule, and I came home and cried. I was supposed to be happy, my maid of honor told me--I had the dress and I was getting married. But the truth is, it's the end to a childhood fantasy. And when fantasy meets your $400 budget there's a mis-match that hurts. And when you finally place the order you realize that it's the end to dress shopping. The end to ripping out pages in brides' magazines. And there's sadness in that. Silly sadness, but still sadness. And this book is like a cup of tea to that sadness. It will sit there with you while you mourn.