Customer Reviews

The Conscious Heart: Seven Soul-Choices That Create Your Relationship Destiny

5 star:		(5)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

The authors walk their talk in their loving marriage.
This book opened my eyes to some missing pieces
of the puzzle and I have experienced profound shifts
in the relationship I have with my husband. The
information in the Hendricks' book has made me more
aware of feelings and more connected to creative
ways of transforming old patterns. My husband and
I realized that we had UNconscious commitments to
suffering that undermined our desire to be close!
We seem to have found a way to have a lot more fun!

I just finished this book, and have been enlightened and tremendously inspired. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks reveal a large number of their own personal experiences, and this makes the book really believable and valuable. They are relationship experts, but they share about their difficult times as well as the good ones. Their book, Conscious Loving, is a good book to read first, but this book does stand on its own well! Read this book if you want to develop the deepest possible relationship with your partner!

While I rated both "Conscious Living" and "Conscious Loving" by the same authors, the Hendricks's, with a very enthused 5 star rating, subsequently ordering several of their books, I have stepped back with my endorsement after reading "Conscious Heart." This particular book does not detract from the basic message of their work in general with a "conscious approach," so to speak, to life and our various relationships, romantic or otherwise. I still hold to that. The premise is sound. But "Conscious Heart" has little new to offer; indeed, what is new is a section that rather made me wince.

I am all flags and hurrah banners for a commitment to honesty - to self and to others. Speaking one's feelings aloud, bringing them into the light for full understanding, using that understanding to build intimacy in a romantic relationship but increased efficiency in a work relationship, yes, all of that makes solid good sense to me. But I am also a believer in balance. Often, too much of a good thing becomes, well, not so good. It is possible to exaggerate this idea to the point of being obnoxious and unnecessarily cruel.

Example: The Hendricks couple recount an incident in their marriage that tested their commitment and their honesty. Gay Hendricks, in his own retelling, goes through a scene of seduction that is handled with, to me, absurdity. While I agree with their commitment to tell each other when they might be in danger of serious straying, teetering on the boundaries of infidelity, so that they might work it out together -- I am not at all convinced that this incident, as it is described in the book, is handled in a way that even a reasonably committed couple could, or should, endure. Gay spots a younger woman across a dance floor, someone both he and wife Kathlyn know and trust, but suddenly he sees this woman in a different light. How this temporary desire for another woman is handled between the three of them tests my limits of understanding. The marriage endures -- but my patience and empathy do not. Not only is the disclosure unnecessary, but the concept of commitment seems to get lost in this threesome as they find their proper paths. The Hendricks are, after all, a married couple. Surely that stands for something. This "exploration" of Gay's temptation should have been cut off at the starting line, period.

I still recommend the Hendricks first two books with enthusiasm. Honesty is indeed the best policy. Being conscious of one's own motives and feelings is powerful. But I see no benefit to being subjected to my partner's ongoing stream of consciousness every time he feels a tingle in his tenders, not if it's a passing and momentary thought. Nor do I intend to subject him to same. That kind of banter is wearing, and I see no benefit from it. Not to be confused with open and full disclosure when infidelity, or danger of it, does indeed threaten a relationship. That is always necessary, no exceptions.

My recommendation is to read the Hendricks' first books, "Conscious Living" and "Conscious Loving." The basic idea of this kind of living, after all, is not complicated. I can't help feeling this newer addition was written merely as padding.

This extraordinary book will help you learn how to use conflict to create greater understanding; Overcome the fears and defenses that block intimacy; Resolve struggles for control; Increase generosity and appreciation; Deepen passion, commitment, and aliveness; and release the creativity of each partner. Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks have mastered the art of genuine friendship, support and intimacy within their own marriage, and provide the guidance many people need today to learn how to get it right.

Relationships take work. Nobody is perfect, and it is learning how to adjust to each person's imperfections while giving compassion and understanding at all times that are the pivotal keys to relationship success. If you want to learn how to be authentic and genuine, as well as how to communicate so a relationship can last in the inevitable face of human imperfections, then this is the book that will bring those answers to you. Outstanding and HIGHLY Recommended!

Barbara Rose, Ph.D. author of Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE and If God Was Like Man
Editor, inspire! magazine

I carry around a dog-eared copy of the Hendricks earlier book, Conscious Loving. I have used it, enjoyed it, and learned from it. But the one area it really didn't address for me is the area of commitment. The Conscious Heart brought the subject of commitment to the forefront for me. I have already loaned out the book so I can't quote exactly. The Hendricks suggest that the failure to make the deeper commitment results in a back door where the greater energy of the relationship escapes. This is the energy that would allow the relationship to grow to its higher level. This discussion of the issue brought it to me with more clarity than ever before.

I thought that this audiobook would be a far better tool than it turned out to be. I am in a serious, long-term relationship. Due to some past problems (in other relationships), I hoped to learn some new skills. Instead, I got some platitudes about the importance of forgiving your partner and being "emotionally honest" - couched in with a story of how one partner told the other he was contemplating cheating on her with a younger woman and how the three of them did these constant conference calls to figure out how to handle the situation. I do agree that "emotional honesty" is important, but I already knew that. I don't think that I would want to hang around if my partner looked me in the eye and announced that he was thinking of sleeping with someone else, and that ruined a lot of the authors' credibility for me.

All of Gay Hendricks books (and his workshops) have been wonderful contributions to my happiness, compassion and health. Also see 365 Days of Conscious Living which is a daybook with "just right" daily stories and suggestions and then a brief practice suggestion. Used over the year it is both enjoyable and helpful Shared with a partner it is a great relationship and intimacy enhancer.

I bought this book and read it; simply because the author is my ex-husband's therapist. As with many self help books it touches only the surface of the problem and does not delve deep into what is truly happening and with a persons thoughts, actions, patterns and integrity. People are not the same, we are all different, and therefore the thought processes are all different. What drives our actions and thoughts come from the many experiences we have had through our lives.

A formula might work for a short period of time, but the basic problem that needs to be addressed is not being addressed. Therefore the basic problem is being ignored. When it is ignored more often than not it will come up again and with a vengeance.

Many things that happen in our lives need to be recognized and understood with a professional who has "our" best interest at heart. This is not found in this book. The formula the Hendricks have put together is a quick fix with the problems still there and not dealt with. Therefore masking the issues.

So, I do not recommend this book. I do recommend seeking out professionals who will actually work one on one or in a group setting directly with you, dealing with your issues. This formula is just that a formula. None of our lives fit into a nice neat little box. But, it sure sells books.