Consensual Sadomasochism : How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely [Paperback]

William A. Henkin (Author), Sybil Holiday (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 1881943127 | ISBN-13: 978-1881943129 | Publication Date: September 1996

Easy to read, easy to follow, and easy to understand, in this book the authors define and demystify the unique language of consensual sadomasochism, examine the psychological power of erotic dominance and submission, provide a carefully considered guide for safe SM play, and explain how SM can be an activity of intense intimacy and sophisticated erotic theater, as well as one of simple sexual pleasure. Combining their extensive professional credentials with deep personal experience, the result is an original introduction to a widely misunderstood realm of human sexuality.

"Henkin and Holiday have done erotic explorers a wonderful favor. Their useful book is concise and clearheaded in all things SM. But the most radical concept for many will surely be the notion to simply have fun." - Mark Thompson, editor of Leatherfolk

I've actually recomended this book more often than my own. That's because you're holding what is without doubt, one of the finest and most useful books on BDSM ever written. It can help you distinguish between looking and seeing. Not for skimmers........this one is soul food. - Guy Baldwin, M.S. author of TIES THAT BIND and SlaveCraft

Henkin and Holiday offer a very useful book about BDSM for mainly beginners in the scene but also for anyone who just like staying on top of opinions about BDSM. The book is well organized with a glossary right after a good discussion of special terms used in BDSM. Likewise sample negotiation forms are found at the end of the chapter where the procedure is explained. The largest section of the book concerns safety but not necessarily the kind you might find in "On the Safe Edge" or "Learning the Ropes". Here the focus is on learning about yourself first, learning about your partner second, and then how to explore BDSM. Throughout the idea that BDSM is primarily a pleasureable partnership is embraced and indeed in my personal experiences the best SM or Ds relationships are partnerships. Neither Henkin nor Holiday say that their way is the only way but they give solid reasons for their opinions and make suggestions based on years in the scene and as scholars and educators. This is definately a book I have proud to have in my library and one I recommend to people new to BDSM. - TammyJo Eckhart from kinkybooks.com

Editorial Reviews

Review

Consensual Sadomasochism is one of my regular resources for sparks of inspiration and insight. -- Fetish Diva Midori, author of The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage

Their useful book is precise and clearheaded in all things SM. -- Mark Thompson, editor of Leatherfolk

Without doubt, one of the finest and most useful books on SM ever written. -- Guy Baldwin, M.S., author of Ties That Bind and Slavecraft

From the Author

Changes: An Introduction to the Second (Revised) Edition

In 1996, when Consensual Sadomasochism first appeared, participant literature about BDSM was still fairly rare. Yet the field was clearly growing, and partly for that reason we did not conceive of our contribution as an introductory text, but rather as something that could accompany or follow the various fine SM primers that had recently come on the market, including Race Bannon’s Learning the Ropes, Patrick Califia’s Sensuous Magic, and Jay Wiseman’s SM 101.

Revising our book at the sunrise of a new century, our purpose has not changed. But the SM community has changed remarkably since 1996, and so has its literature. It would take a volume beyond the scope of ours to document all those changes, but a few brief observations pertain to this book.

In 1996 San Francisco was still pretty much the red hot center of American SM, at least on the west coast, though not nearly to the extent it had been a decade and two decades earlier. But still there were just a handful of SM activities each month here – a few meetings, a few parties, classes that were beginning to burgeon. As we write now, on the cusp of 2003/4, you could attend a different SM event pretty much every night of the year in the San Francisco Bay Area and still not take in everything.

To keep our observations current, as well as our information, we’ve updated our glossary, tweaked many pages, revised our Resources section, and completely redone our information on Cyber SM. We’ve also added a few new sections for this edition, including some pages on "How to Find an SM-Positive (or Neutral) Therapist," "Monogamous SM Relationships," and "Aftercare."

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 264 pages
• Publisher: Daedalus Publishing Company (September 1996)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1881943127
• ISBN-13: 978-1881943129
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 6.6 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #314,026 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Discover books, learn about writers, read author blogs, and more.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

49 of 51 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Interesting Look at SM, May 14, 2000

By 

Todd Hawley (San Francisco CA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Consensual Sadomasochism : How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely (Paperback)

This book is written by two experienced SM practioners, one who is a psychotherapist, and the other a sexologist. The first chapter of the book tells how they both got interested in SM.

There are a number of "introductory SM books" on the market now and what I like about the well-written ones is they way they handle basic SM topics. This book is no exception to this rule.

It not only covers common SM topics, such as "playing safely" (with detailed descriptions of playing with various SM "toys), but also contains sections on who you should or shouldn't play with, and also contains a book, magazine and online resource section.

I loved the glossary of SM terms contained in the book and their chapter on "Defining and Demystifying the Language." They also call make a point to define the difference between consensual play and abuse.

I also liked their section called "On Doing Psychotherapy in the Dungeon." They point out SM can be therapeutic, but not to do actual "therapy" in play. Good point!

A well-written book with lots of good information.

36 of 38 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Simple language serves up reality for beginners, May 22, 2001

By 

TammyJo Eckhart "TammyJo Eckhart" (Bloomington, Indiana United States) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: Consensual Sadomasochism : How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely (Paperback)

Henkin and Holiday offer a very useful book about BDSM for mainly beginners in the scene but also for anyone who just like staying on top of opinions about BDSM. The book is well organized with a glossary right after a good discussion of special terms used in BDSM. Likewise sample negotiation forms are found at the end of the chapter where the procedure is explained. The largest section of the book concerns safety but not necessarily the kind you might find in "On the Safe Edge" or "Learning the Ropes". Here the focus is on learning about yourself first, learning about your partner second, and then how to explore BDSM. Throughout the idea that BDSM is primarily a pleasureable partnership is embraced and indeed in my personal experiences the best SM or Ds relationships are partnerships. Neither Henkin nor Holiday say that their way is the only way but they give solid reasons for their opinions and make suggestions based on years in the scene and as scholars and educators. This is definately a book I have proud to have in my library and one I recommend to people new to BDSM.

18 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Beautifully Done!!, December 18, 2001

By A Customer

This review is from: Consensual Sadomasochism : How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely (Paperback)

Written by two long time members of the SM community, Consensual Sadomasochism offers a great "intro" to consensual power exchange play. The authors display a considerable breadth of knowledge and a wonderfully tolerant and open attitude toward all forms of BDSM play. The book is easy to read and follow and covers SM "basics," including fundamental concepts like safe words, limits, negotiation, and consent. The book contains good, if somewhat limited, descriptions of basic SM play (bondage, spanking, clamps, etc). There is also a good section on finding partners and how to find the SM community, along with a bibliography.

The authors did a wonderful job putting this book together.