Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go [Paperback]

Susan Gadoua (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: August 1, 2008

Just as there are right and wrong reasons to marry, there are good and bad reasons to divorce. Some couples are quick to split because they are unwilling to devote the necessary effort to fixing their relationships or to understanding their partners, while others miss out on personal fulfillment by staying too long in unhealthy marriages.

This insightful and practical guide, written by a therapist with nearly a decade of experience counseling those considering divorce, will help you evaluate your marriage to determine whether you should stay or go. Without bias toward or against the option of divorce, Contemplating Divorce includes helpful tools to guide you to the right decision.

• Use the tests and relationship evaluations to assess your level of fulfillment in your marriage
• Learn about the five types of needs happy marriages satisfy
• Find out how to fix 'problem areas' in your relationship
• Plan for the future, whether you decide to stay or move on

This is a much-needed book. The anxiety in making a life-changing decision is sometimes overwhelming. It is of immense help to have a coach like Susan Pease Gadoua!
-John Bradshaw, best-selling author of Homecoming and Creating Love

Better than therapy! Pease Gadoua allows the reader who is contemplating any great change to process the pros and cons in the confines of his or her own heart and mind, leaving no chance for those on the fence to skip out on the truth. A must-read for any transition.
-Joan Anderson, bestselling author of A Year by the Sea, An Unfinished Marriage, A Walk on the Beach, and The Second Journey

Making an appointment to see a divorce lawyer doesn't mean that the person I am advising necessarily needs or wants a divorce. With Pease Gadoua's wise, thorough, and accessible book, Contemplating Divorce, at last there is a resource I can give to confused and unhappy clients who think the marriage may be over but can't decide whether the embers are truly dead or not.
-Pauline H. Tesler, author of Collaborative Divorce and Collaborative Law

An exceptional and outstanding book for all those considering making the life-altering decision to divorce. Pease Gadoua offers profound personal insight and practical guidance that empowers adults to find clarity, overcome hurdles, and make the best choices for the future of their relationships. I wholeheartedly recommend Contemplating Divorce to men and women alike.
-Helene Taylor, Esq., president and founder of TheModernWomansDivorceGuide.com

Editorial Reviews

Review

From the Publisher

By clarifying assumptions about and expectations for their relationships to their spouses, the step-by-step approach in Contemplating Divorce helps readers decide whether to try to make a flagging marriage work or proceed with the difficult decision to divorce.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 216 pages
• Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (August 1, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 9781572245242
• ISBN-13: 978-1572245242
• ASIN: 1572245247
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.6 x 9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #147,709 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Susan Pease Gadoua is a best selling author and speaker. She is a licensed therapist, an expert on divorce, and has been working with individuals, couples, and families as well as leading groups and workshops for nearly twenty-five years. Susan is a coach to other therapists, offering mentor and training programs on working with divorcing clients.

Susan has been a featured guest on numerous radio and television programs across the U.S. and Canada including ABC's View From The Bay, has appeared in publications such as the Wall Street Journal, USA Today and Divorce Magazine as well as being a regular guest columnist for TheModernWomansDivorceGuide.com and Divorce360.com.

Along with her husband, Michael, and two dogs, Susan lives just a few miles north of San Francisco.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

30 of 31 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A must read for anyone who wants to work on their marriage. June 3, 2009

By JST

Format:Paperback

This book is fantastic, and was instrumental in parting the clouds for me during one of the most difficult times of my life - determining whether my marriage was salvagable or not. The exercises in this book are very helpful in assessing the work that needs to be done on a marriage, and in determining whether that work can be done by the two of you or not. I highly recommend this book whether you are contemplating divorce or not - in my case, I was contemplating it, and some of the exercises in this book made it crystal clear to me which path was the right one for me. I can't begin to express how thankful I am to have run across this book, and highly recommend it to anyone facing even the smallest difficulties in their marriage - it can help you see how to approach fixing things if you choose to, or deciding that it is time to end things if you choose to.

13 of 14 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Extremely insightful; great questions & workbook exercises November 4, 2008

By Yvonne Gittelson

Format:Paperback

I bought this book for a friend, and ended up previewing it myself to make sure it was worth passing on; it definitely is. Having gone through a split 5 years ago (not of my choosing, but ultimately of my relief), I was able to look at this book through the lens of hindsight. I think it is an excellent guide, and I've recommended it to a therapist friend of mine, and she agrees. The most important aspect of the book is that there is no right or wrong answer for any/every reader, of course. Every relationship is different, and anyone reading this book will have the opportunity to consider the thought-provoking questions at the end of each chapter to see if the marriage can be saved, or if too much damage has been done. Especially if the question of therapy or counseling is currently not an option for you, this book provides a most excellent and inexpensive substitute first step in the process of considering what to do next. Highly recommended.

16 of 19 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars Deceiving title April 6, 2012

By Y.

Format:Paperback

I gave this book only two stars because, although it is well-written and informative, the book does not deliver on the promise of the title ("Deciding Whether to Stay or Go"). The book reads as a guide to rationalizing the decision that the reader has already made (to get a divorce) and does not offer much in the way of deciding whether staying in the marriage might be the appropriate outcome. The case study examples rarely end in the couples reconciling and frequently concern more grave situations (for example, abuse and alcoholism or drug addiction) than the garden-variety marital issues that might lead one spouse to think about divorce. Most of the case studies that don't involve abuse or addiction demonstrate repeated missed opportunities for working on marital issues in a healthy manner that could have strengthened the relationship. Instead, the examples gloss over any attempts to reverse the negative patterns established through periods of insufficient articulation and responses to needs and tend to reveal and attitude more of "it's broken - time to go" rather than "it's broken - time to fix it."

This book would be great for the reader who already knows that they want a divorce. However, I would absolutely not recommend it to someone who still believes that they have or might have a reason to stay in their marriage or that the marriage can be saved. There are other books that can help readers learn how to stop their negative behavior patterns and develop positive relationship skills. This book skims over that crucial aspect of determining whether one should "stay" in a marriage--an aspect that might save more marriages.