Conversation Transformation: Recognize and Overcome the 6 Most Destructive Communication Patterns [Paperback]

Ben Benjamin (Author), Amy Yeager (Author), Anita Simon (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 7, 2012

One of the New York Post's Top 10 Best Career Books of 2012

Repair communication breakdowns on the spot and drive positive results in every conversation

Failed conversations can take a heavy toll on our professional and personal lives, threatening to damage relationships, erode trust, and make it impossible to resolve conflicts, reach decisions, or achieve mutual understanding.

Conversation Transformation gives you practical guidelines for managing the six most common (and aggravating) conversation killers: yes-buts, mind-reads, negative predictions, leading questions, complaining, and verbal attacks. Each skill-building chapter guides you through a three-step process for replacing unconstructive habits with more effective responses:

AWARENESS
Learn to recognize an ineffective communication pattern the instant it occurs

ACTION
Use specific new strategies to turn the conversation in a better direction

PRACTICE
Engage in repeated, structured practice to turn those actions into new habits

Praise for Conversation Transformation:

“Devastatingly insightful . . . provides the practical coaching you need to change old habits and transform your interactions.”
—SHEILA HEEN and DOUGLAS STONE, bestselling authors of Difficult Conversations

”An invaluable resource . . . filled with simple tools and fixes to improve communication skills, exactly the skills that can make us all more effective in politics, business, and life.”
—SENATOR JOHN F. KERRY

“Practical, inspiring, and powerful. You will never look at your conversations the same way again.”
—SUZANNE BATES, bestselling author of Speak Like a CEO and Discover Your CEO Brand

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill; 1 edition (February 7, 2012)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 007176996X
• ISBN-13: 978-0071769969
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.6 x 9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #191,548 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

21 of 22 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars How to Recognize and Correct Destructive Communication Patterns February 29, 2012

By John Chancellor TOP 500 REVIEWERVINE™ VOICE

Format:Paperback

Failure to communicate effectively impacts all areas of our lives - from our personal relationships to our success in our careers/business lives. Unfortunately all of us engage in destructive communication patterns. Generally we are totally unaware of the unhealthy communication patterns we use on a daily basis.

Conversation Transformation is an extremely valuable tool for understanding and recognizing the destructive communication patterns we commonly employ along with trainings to help us change these patterns.

Before the authors begin the process of teaching the six most common communication problems, they give a short lesson on the way the brain works. This is extremely valuable. "Having insight can keep you from changing because (once you learn something new) you feel like you have already changed." So the first chapter provides a foundation for using the information in the book to make permanent changes in the way we communicate. This is a very short but also very helpful summary of the necessary steps you must go through to change habits, to take the information which follows and use it to change the way you communicate.

Then the authors deal with the six most troubling patterns of communication we engage in. The book has a chapter devoted to each destructive pattern. The particular culprit is described in detail, there is then a theory for dealing with the problem, followed by a series of training exercises - putting the theory to work. Most of the exercises are more effective when performed with others.

The six destructive patters are: yes, buts; mind reading; negative (or positive) forecasting; leading questions; complaints and blaming. If you stop and think for a minute you can probably recall some recent conversations which included most if not all of these destructive patterns.

The final chapter is gives an All-Purpose tool (SAVI) to improve any conversation. Again, there is a through explanation of the theory and some excellent examples of how to use the tool.

In addition to the book there are a number of online resources which compliment the book. There is a pretest - the authors suggest you take before reading the book. I took the test and scored a 38.9% on the pretest. Then there is a test to be taken after reading the book. After simply reading the book, I scored a 72.2% on the post-test. I feel very confident that if I actually completed the training exercises contained in the book, I would increase my score to well over 90%.

The book is well written and easy to read. But it contains a lot of information to absorb. While my test scores clearly demonstrate that simply reading the book makes a real improvement in our awareness of destructive communication patters, to master these concepts requires that you do the training exercises.

Effective communication is so important to everything we do. If impacts our personal and our business relationships. If you are not an avid student of communication, you will be amazed at how often we fall into these destructive communication patterns. This book will definitely improve your communication skills and therefore your life and business.

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars The SAVI Grid is Awesome March 10, 2012

By C.L. Mershon

Format:Paperback

"The Usual Suspects - When a conversation fails it is easy to blame the people or the topics. People have difficult personalities, motivations, or emotional states. Topics can have touchy issues and irreconcilable differences." Pg. 3

"The Hidden Culprit - All communication breakdowns can be explained in terms of one common factor: Behavior. The specific combinations of words and voice tones people are using." Pg. 4

It is interesting that on page 11 of the book the author's state, "When we first sat down to write a book on communication, we were troubled by a dirty little secret: people don't actually improve their communication by reading books." Which is what brings me to the book website. I love a book that comes with free stuff and this book really delivers. On the book website there is tons of free stuff including a couple of awesome tests for the reader to complete before and after reading this book. I just love that kind of thing and there is no doubt that working through some of these resources will ensure that the reader will retain new knowledge and actually be able to apply it in whatever situation it is most needed.

The book progresses from there as one would expect and others have noted so I will not go into detail. However what I will say is that for my money Chapter 9 provides the best tool I have ever heard of to improve communication. It is called the SAVI Grid. Anybody who is serious about improving their communication needs to paste that thing on their wall and share it with anybody who is interested....it will revolutionize your communication effectiveness.

Highly Recommended.

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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A tremendous addition to the field of effective conversation! April 2, 2012

By Dr. I. Macnaughton

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Step-by-step, easy, and clear principles that can be utilized in any conversation whatever the context. I've been working my way through this book since receiving it and finding that the theory and examples are improving my communication already. So many books on communication are complicated to apply. This one is not only well researched, but is tremendously effective. I highly recommend this book for anyone.