Customer Reviews

Conversations With a Pedophile: In the Interest of our Children

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Be warned! This book is as profoundly disturbing as its subject! That being said, it provides critical information that parents and caregivers need to know to keep their children and charges from becoming another statistic. The pederast who provides the "real life" information for this book was able to rape (repeatedly) over 1,000 prepubescent boys and was only discovered because a mother found a picture of her son in a sexually explicit pose -- none of the victims ever reported their rape. Dr. Hammel-Zabin does a great service in discovering and describing, using the pederast's own words, how this could have happened, the tactics used to control the victims, and, most importantly, what needs to be done IN THE HOME and community to counter these tactics. Reading this book will disgust you and likely cost you some sleep but you will gain a deep insight into how such things happen and, more importantly, be prepared to help keep it from happening again.

This is a powerful and important book, even if disturbing at times. It tells the story of one Pedophine, and a contrite one at that, yet still offers some insight into the workings of the minds of at least some people who are considered the lowest of the low even among the incarcerated. It was interesting to read Alan's (the pedophile whose long-term correspondance with Dr. Zabin is at the foundation of this book) explanation of his evolving perversion. At times his rationalizations seem almost a little too clear, as if he'd spent time filling in the gaps to make the process meaningful. Even to casting blame on others for not giving him what he needed and "driving him" to seek control elsewhere. However, I think that Alan's story and his escalating tactics of grooming and ensnaring victims does glimpse into a process many of us would rather not have to look at: pedophiles don't drop out of the sky as dirty old men...pedophilia evolves...pedophiles hurt many children before they are caught.

While to some degree this makes it all the more scary, it can hopefully in the future allow society places of awareness and intervention that might stop a tendency, confusion, or re-enactment before it becomes a full blown addiction to power that feeds on vunlerability and submission.

The title of the book, "Conversations with A pedophile", is well thought--Alan's story, a pedophile who accepts his responsibility (at least at part) and expresses some rue for his violations can't be easily generalized. We are yet to learn more about the workings of the minds of violent offenders; those who do not take the time to "groom" their victims and their families; those who establish their dominance on their own young who already have no way other than to submit. And still, for an area with such paucity of public information, there is much that can be taken of this book is helpful, can maybe even save lives.

Maybe the most helpful information is in the detailed explanations of secrecy, control, escallation, and the use of the victim's own shame as an effective tool of control. These are essential insights to anyone who wants to understand child abuse in all it's forms.

Hurray to Amy, author and therapist, for the courage to share and weave her own story into the pages. Even with all the strides made in the area of awareness and understanding of child abuse, when it comes to professionals, there is still a stigma attached, and it is time it lost it's wear.
Secrecy is only as powerful as we allow it to be, as individuals as well as a society.

I recommend this book to anyone who works with children. And especially to those who still like to claim that child abuse is rare, that "good citizens" don't do such things, that the effects of abuse has to be obvious and immediate, and that children do not keep secrets, do not repress, do not forget, or really have a choice. (...)

Engrossing from the first to the last page. Hammel-Zabin opens her darkest secrets to the reader and through a most amazing relationship she forged with a "brilliant" pedophile we are horrified, amazed, awakened and enlightened at the same time!! Anyone who has ANYTHING to do with children should read this book!

This book includes first-hand accounts expressed by an intelligent, aware, well-written man who is a pedophile. He clearly describes his level of pathology, including obsessiveness, distrust of others, extreme isolation, sadism, and a drive to sexually, mentally and emotionally control and harm young boys.

I am a psychotherapist and have been working with sexual abuse survivors for over twenty years. This book gives insight into the mind of a pedophile in ways that no other document I've ever read (none of which have ever been from the perspective of an actual perpetrator) has.

One might worry that the providing step-by-step descriptions of how this man successfully molested hundreds of young boys without any child ever having disclosed the abuse could serve as a "how to" for aspiring pedophiles.

Such concern shouldn't be reason for condemning this book.

First of all, the perpetrator's means of manipulating these children into silence is not particularly creative or intelligent. Instead it's obsessive and meticulous. Over years of clinical work, I've found his means to be typical of an individual who sexually abuses children.

Secondly, if more adults better understood perpetrators' means of acquiring children to victimize, this form of abuse could be more successfully stopped.

Bravo to Amy Hammel-Zabin.

This book is a must-read for parents. In fact, it's a must-read for anybody who coordinates soccer, boy scouts, girl scouts, church youth trips, etc.

I felt the entire spectrum of emotions as I read this book, especially anger, at first, as I realized that Dr Zabin was going to give a pedophile credibility. But her own contributions to the text calmed me down. She, and even Alan himself (the pedophile who tells his tale), are very clear that what he did was damaging and wrong. Alan never excuses himself. Indeed, in many ways he was quite articulate about showing how horrible his actions have been. And Dr Zabin is clear about articulating the suffering of those who have been molested.

The value of this book is that Alan does show you, the reader, how he got away with what he did for so long: crimes of pedophilia that continued for decades. And he does show the reader how subtle, manipulative, and persistent pedophiles are. I don't think normal people even think like Alan thinks, and so his guide to how he operated for so long without ever being detected is a real eye-opener. You will definitely benefit from this book if you have children in your care, because Alan clearly shows you how minutely a skilled pedophile will learn your thinking and behaviors in order to get at a child.

On the down side, it's clear to me that Alan editorializes a bit, and even though his account of how he got children seems clear and true, I have no doubt that he is telling his story, his way, to suit himself. In the end, even though Alan never excuses himself, he also never reveals remorse or repentance. I think he is a pedophile who has gotten as close to normal as he can pretend to be. Intellectually he knows that what he did was wrong, and he assents to that verdict. But in terms of compassion and empathy---those are still reserved in his mind for himself, exclusively, and not his victims.

I bought this book for research and was blown away. This book takes an incomprehensible topic and breaks it down. The alternating voices, between perpetrator and victim/therapist gives this a readability and credibility that couldn't be acheived any other way. Without addressing the topic directly, the perpetrator illustrates in depth why it is so hard for children to report this crime, and why so many victims block memories for so long. I only hope there is some way that the insights of this book can be used to help protect children.

A chilling and sobering look into the mind of a pedophile. This book is written from the perspective of his therapist who found a way to understand him through his music. Thankfully, the therapy was conducted in prison (life sentence, no parole). In addition, this pedophile, "Alan", maintained a self-confessional correspondence with his therapist for many years. This book presents his story along with edited commentary on his poignant attempt to expiate guilt by revealing details of technique and psychodynamics.

What saves this from being frightening and sadistic voyereuism is that the author adds the vulnerable, human voice of the (recovered) victim to the story. In a brave and brilliant parallel narrative, she also describes the horrific experiences of a victim of child sexual abuse, and the ways these experiences can be played out for years following the initial events.

The book is an offering of hope and strength. With the insights from Dr. Hammel-Zabin, we gain awareness of protective and healing strategies for our children and the community at large. The book provides timely advice in today's world to anyone who worries about the victimization of children.

A rollercoaster of emotion is what this book evokes. A must for every parent to read...difficult but very necessary...will literally give you a physical reaction. Very very powerful book. However, the concept of pedophilia being a disease is hard to swallow...but at least one will be able to understand the author's point of view. SHould be mandatory for parents and anyone working in a related social/health care position. Everyone should know!

A detailed in depth look at a predator that drives home an understanding of this perversion.
One of the other reviews called it "masturbation material", that would only be the case if you are indeed one of these perverts, otherwise you may have to take the occasional break to swallow your own bile, as with any good field criminology field manual.

A great book for police, social workers, or parents who need to gain a respectable fear of the kind of dangers that are out there waiting for their children.

I have to agree that this book is an excellent primer for how to develop control over a child as well as excellent masturbation material for other pedophiles. Despite the author's laudable intentions, Alan's letters and interaction with her are baldly manipulative and self-serving. A sociopath who from an early age immerses himself in manipulating, controlling, and objectifying others CANNOT and WILL NOT change in any way. Meaning that all he knows and all he has ever allowed himself to learn is manipulation, control, and objectification. This does not stop when he goes to jail and certainly does not stop when he finds the one and only sympathetic listener to his story on this planet.

Although I appreciate the insights into ways to keep our children safe and ways to perhaps recognize a potential abuser at a young age to get him help (secondary to Alan's story, I do not for one minute believe this is his intent), I think this could have been as easily accomplished through analysis and synthesis of Alan's information in journalistic style.

Giving a hard core lifelong abuser such a public voice is irresponsible. The author has afforded this guy an unprecedented means to reach out and re-victimize his victims as well as those of others like him and to reach out to other pedophiles through whom he can now vicariously abuse again. Contrary to what is asserted on the jacket of this book, Alan absolutely profits by the widespread distribution of this book.