Customer Reviews

Corpses Are Forever

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(14)

 

 

CORPSES ARE FOREVER is one of the worst movies i've ever seen. so much is wrong with this awful movie that i don't know where to begin. for starters, the acting is terrible. this is the most ungifted group of actors that i've had the displeasure of watching. the main character's kung fu fight with the zombies is so lame that its not even funny. the punches and kicks are blatantly fake even with the camera's loss of depth perception. secondly the sound is nearly as bad as the actors. some sort of loud background noise overpowers the dialog in most scenes; which is almost a good thing when you consider the horrible plot. i was so angry that i stopped the movie half way through so that i could come vent my disdain for this movie.. i'm not even sure if i will turn it back on. and now, as i think, im begining to get angry with myself for even wasting my time berating this movie. however, if this review prevents even one person from watching this atrocity, then my efforts will not have been in vain.

It's been a long time since I've had a chance to sit down to a horror movie/zombie movie that I just grabbed off the shelf. So, of course I forgot to numb my senses with booze. I regret this oversight, thanks to this B-Movie crapathon.

Here's a synopsis: It starts as a black and white suprnatural mystery. Then, it's a "zombie" movie where there are a grand total of twelve zombies that are about as terrifying as a throw pillow. They don't even kill anybody. NOT ONE ZOMBIE CASUALTY. THEN it's a spy thriller with a Gay General who looks like he's dressed to be camouflage at a Jimmy Buffet concert. THEN it's an amnesia mystery with a nurse that stepped out of a porno (or a Florida strip club) and forgot to bring her nudity. THEN it's... well, this is taking to long. It's CRAP.

If you're going to make a movie on a limited budget and work so hard on something to create your art, WHY would you half-ass it so badly? The fight scenes are less convincing than a WWF match between two forty-year-old jobbers. The writing is so convoluted that I could jam a taco in my butt and come out with a more thought-out story. At one point, I believe that the writers ran out of ideas, so they had a woman with blood on her head start GRANTING WISHES.

It's not exciting and it's NOT scary. I've seen pillow fights with more terror and intensity. Even the guy who was IN THE MOVIE wrote a lousy review.

Here are some questions for the filmmakers:

Is this a zombie movie because they were filming one next door? Were these people on a lunchbreak from another zombie movie? Have these filmmakers ever heard of a retake? (If the actor can't hit the slide release on his pistol the first time, try saying: "CUT, do it again." ) When you kick a fat zombie woman in the teeth (assuming you get closer than two feet from her face...) why does she just STAND THERE? Where did you get that cheesy rubber mask? WHY did Debbie Rochon get involved with this travesty? And MOST importantly: IF THE WORLD IS INFESTED WITH ZOMBIES, WHY ARE YOU CRUISING AROUND IN A CONVERTIBLE CADDY? I mean, it's a nice car, but not real tactical for a CIA agent. Not so low-profile.

In short, I can't say this movie was a waste of my time or money. It taught me three valuable lessons:

1) If I can't write a one-paragraph synopsis of the plot that is accurate to the script, I need to rewrite the script.

2) If a movie doesn't scare my wife, it's not scary at all.

3) If zombies ever DO invade the earth, the place to be is Florida, because there will only be a few of them and they'll be too busy commuting between the three locations of this film to worry about doing anyone any harm.

Why do I continue to sodomize myself by viewing low budget trash like 'Corpses Are Forever'? I guess my penchant for self-flagellation is overpowering my need for self-preservation. Let's just put it this way: this flick is so bad that after watching it, I couldn't walk right for a month.

Listen to your gut reaction(i.e. the movie sucks worse than you think it possibly could)when you see the cover of this DVD and don't try to fool yourself into thinking that this could be a low budget zombie flick that is good. 'Corpses Are Forever' is truly pile of crap. The script is embarassing, the acting is terrible, the special effects are pathetic, and the camerawork looks to have been done by sixth graders. The absolute worst part of this film though are the action scenes. The makers of the film have tried to stage some big action pieces with the lame hero taking on numerous zombies at once in hand-to-hand combat. Obviously the makers of the film know nothing about action. They are slow, no contact is ever made when a punch is thrown, and they are just pathetic. These are the worst action scenes ever put to celluloid. The lame hero's spinkicks have to be seen to be believed. Its just sad. The action here looks like what would be done by middle schoolers for a school project. Pathetic.

'Corpses Are Forever' is just another log from the turd factory. It should be filed in the "Crapfest" bin along with other turds like 'House Of The Dead', 'One Of Them', and 'Alone In The Dark'. Ugh.

Corpses Are Forever is a poor excuse for a movie. I don't know which is worse, watching an Asylum film or having to endure a David DeCoteau film. The local corporate video chain store likes to carry their videos. Their shelves are stocked to the gills with there DVDs. Asylum is worse because they try to hard. They try to hard to be cool, inventive and funny. Troma they're not. At least David DeCoteau has a market (people who enjoy homoerotic horror films). With name like Asylum you would think they would produce some edgy films. Not!

Corpses Are Forever is filled with aging B-Movie stars and

name dropping better films. They should have copied the other films. If they did the film makers might have made a better film. Alas, they fall victim of trying to hard. Maybe they should have tried harder. Corpses maybe be forever but this movie flat out sucks.

Not recommended, avoid like hell!

CORPSES ARE FOREVER wasn't so disastrously bad as everybody says it is. So what if our obviously faked kung fu hero doesn't look like fit enough to be doing those spinkicks? The plot starts out as a sort of film-noir David Lynch-esque style film meets cheesy zombie fare. Sure, it eventually falls down into muddled stupidity, but whatever it does that so near the end of the film that it doesn't absolutely kill it all and make you angry.

There's no major zombie action, they're more of a setpiece to spinkick, but the story itself is a nice little mystery which as ridiculous as it gets is still okay.

If you're used to movies having higher budgets or being more tongue-in-cheek to hide its flaws, then you won't like this movie. But if you're used to the lowest of the low, you'll realize this one isn't so bad really, especially in comparison with a lot of other movies out there.

It's no classic in any way, but I still enjoyed seeing it, and that's all I really need in a movie.

How much did it cost to transfer this movie from the VHS camcorder it was shot with to DVD? Can I sell my home movies on Amazon too?

Let me start by saying this movie is awful. Not entertainingly awful, or awful in a funny way, but just plain awful. It is boring, badly acted, and just plain lame. The acting is just really bad. The actors aren't even qualified to be b movie. The zombies are inactive the whole movie, until the end, in which they suddnely want brains. It really is a rip off of Return of the Living Dead, which is actually funny. The guy in the flashbacks has a really annoying voice too. IT should also be noted that the world looks more post-apocalyptic when cars aren't driving in the background and you can't see a gas station complete with working employees out of the windows. Absolutly horrible. Don't even bother renting it.

Not one good thing about it. The star actor is as cheezy and corny as hell, kind of dorkie but plays a role lke he so suave. Basically I only watched the first 30 minutes cause it was so boring and crappy I fell a sleep. And didnt bother with the rest till the nextday. In continued where I left off watched it for the remaining which I struggled to do but did. To spend more than $5 on this trust me its a waste of money, please take my word.

Corpses Really Act Poorly (C.R.A.P.) - Okay, so before I rip into this movie I want to explain why I gave it one star when it probably deserved zero. One half of a star goes to Jose Prendes for having a good idea, and one half of a star because it's a zombie movie.

That's where my good will ends. The main thing that ruins this movie is our intrepid auteur Jose. His acting is only marginally worse than his martial arts skills. Watching the fight sequences felt like watching WWF. If a kick or punch landed within five feet of its intended target, it was a miracle.

Our lead actor/director spends a good portion of the movie wearing a big felt hat that's about ten sizes to big for his head, trying to channel Indiana Jones or Humphrey Bogart in a sad attempt at Cinema Noir.

Nice try, Jose, but you ended up being your own worst enemy. Get some actors next time, because your idea could have been interesting.

This next to House of the Dead has to be the most wretched,horrendous zombie movie ever.It makes no sense like why was that man fighting zombies using karate techniques this isn't no martial arts movie you filmmakers and what was that underground experiment lab.The movie is shot in color and has scenes like flashabacks shot in black and white(even thos scenes make no sense).There some scenes that are too confusing like who were those people in the underground and why was that girl coughing blood in her house. Watch a better zombie movie.It would be wise to avoid this and House of the Dead because there both a waste of money,time,and brain cells.CORPSES ARE FOREVER...NOT