Customer Reviews

The Cottage

5 star:		(15)
4 star:		(18)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

With titles like Shaun Of The Dead, Severence, Evil Aliens, and Botched being sparkling examples of the horror/comedy genre AND all coming to us from Great Britain, it should come as no real surprise that The Cottage fits in so well with the rest of those films. Enter polar-opposites(and brothers) David and Peter; stuck in the middle of nowhere and involved in a kidnapping gone awry that includes a captive that refuses to go quietly, a pair of Asian assasins, an obese partner in crime that can do little right(my favorite character too), bizarre townsfolk(with a guest spot by Pinhead himself, Doug Bradley!), and of course, when things seem like they can't get any worse, a demented and deformed maniac! Now for the kind of dry humor and wit used here, you need a great cast, and Andy Serkis(The Prestige, King Kong) and Reece Shearsmith(Shaun Of The Dead, The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy) as the lead protagonists are fantastic... whether it's bouncing quips off of eachother, or interacting with the rest of the ecclectic characters that they run into throughout the night. As far as deformed killers go, "the farmer" is a definite keeper! He's the same basic mold as a hundred gruesome, semi-retarded, cruel and twisted(with canibalistic urges) madmen that horror fans have come to expect... but he looks and acts the part perfectly, and actually features the best looking(and by that I mean ugliest) clump of flesh for a head that I've seen in quite awhile! The direction is excellent and I really enjoyed the musical score(which sounds like it was cut for a Tim Burton film rather than this); in the end, I'd even go as far as to say this is my favorite of all the aforementioned films listed at the top of the review... bold statement I know, but give it a chance and see what you think(at the worst you'll get a few laughs and a decent helping of grue). As a bonus, if you do dig the film as much as I do, the DVD features a ton of quality deleted scenes and outtakes(some so good that it makes you wonder why they were removed?) that are more than worth seeing. *VIEWERS ATTENTION* Make sure and wait until the credits finish rolling before turning the movie off... there's a nice added surprise at the very end.

The Cottage is a movie you will either love or hate.. I Loved it..
I'm a die hard slasher fan and of course I love blood and gore,but this movie was so funny and entertaining it didn't bother me that the killing didn't start untill the last half of the movie I still loved it.
It builds great character development and the main characters two bumbling brothers"Steven and David" are hilarious in the fact that everything they do goes wrong because they are just born losers.
Their kidnap plot goes wrong in every possible way
except they do get the kipnapee "Tracey" to the holding spot..a cottage that is "let's say in the wrong neighborhood"..
when Tracey escapes after delivering much physical abuse to the weaker and more meek of the brothers she runs to a nearby farm, that's when that slasher element kicks in..
A terribly disfigured farmer is on the loose and he not in a good mood..although the comedy elements go on through the entire film, the gore is very well done and plentiful.
It's hilarious to watch Tracey go up against the killer farmer with her tough as nails attitude.
I think this will become a classic.
I highly reccomend it.

THE COTTAGE is a great place to live but I certainly wouldn't want to visit because, as the villagers warn, strangers don't do very well around there. This film is a perfect example of how to make a horror film: take 1 part droll British humor, add 2 bumbling criminals, blend in 1 foul mouthed kidnap victim, pour in several gallons of bodily fluids (preferably red), and then hack, slash, rip, rend, slice and dice with everything from knives to rakes, shovels,and pick-axes until you think you've seen all the viscera there is to see--and then add that nice little surprise twist at the end. That's what I call entertainment!

In a mere 91 minutes of unrated glee and gore writer/director Paul Andrew Williams has fashioned an entertaining and rather original film that embraces several different genres as it rushes giddily towards its climax. This is not what I would normally think of as my kind of film were I reading a synopsis of it somewhere, but when all is said and done THE COTTAGE turned out to be just what I was looking for.

Positively excellent!!!!
Let me reiderate,
This movie is magnificent!!
One of the best slasher/comedies in existence!!!

1 brother enlists the help of his bumbling sibling
to help him kidnap the tough-as-nails daughter of a local mob-boss.
They bring her back to an abandoned farm,
where everything goes dreadfully arye.

The settings are spooky,
Nothing says horror like a seemingly abandoned farm.
The characters are all lovable, and quite unforgetable,
every last one of them.
The 2 brothers are great together;
as the headstrong, calculative sibling,
and his brother the whipped, nervous-wreck.
Their abductee is a wise-cracking pistol,
who doesn't take guff from no one.
She really gets the laughs bursting from your chest,
as she single-handedly takes on both her abductors.
Their inside-man is complete dolt, a moron of hilarious proportions.
And the the local villagers are unexplainably bizarre.
The laughs are subtle, but consitent,
the gore is plentifully terrific,
and the scares are of the jump-out-of-your-seat variety.
I gotta warn you,
halfway through, this bothched kidnapping tale does a complete 180,
slaps you in the face with a cold shovel,
and becomes an old-school slasher movie,
when the inhabitant of the farm returns unannounced
to find a host of intruders on his farm.
And "Old McDonald" he ain't
If you loved flix like,
Shaun of the Dead, Bothced, Hatchet, Behind the Mask, or Severance,
get this flick immediately.
You will not be disappointed.
Watch the trailer and see if I'm lying to you.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Old McDonald had a farm........but he traded it for an abattoir.

This movie looks good - and the actors are terrific... But it's oddly lop-sided: the first two-thirds is a VERY broad comedy about dim-witted kidnappers, and a caper that goes totally wrong immediately... and the last third is an out-of-nowhere switch to torture-porn-type horror (pick-axes sinking into thighs, in close-up... feet cut off with shovels, etc.), perpetrated by a monster who hasn't been anywhere NEAR the movie until the last 30 minutes... In the first hour, the comedy of stupid guys doing stupid things gets very repetitive: and it almost feels like, to stretch the movie out to feature length, the film-makers just grafted on a generic gore-fest to finish things up.

If you want to see a GREAT British horror-comedy, check out SHAUN OF THE DEAD, SEVERANCE... or the forerunner of them all, SHALLOW GRAVE. The Cottage isn't terrible, it's just a waste of many talented performers and a great cinematographer.

-TO BUY, OR NOT TO BUY?-

For demented fans of the slash
you gotta fork over some cash
for this morbid offbeat little thriller
about a deformed half-retarded killer
We've got heads cut in half
Blood spewage and lots of laughs
Decapitated toes
and a broken nose
A kidnapping scheme that gets perverted
A pick axe thats deeply inserted
There's some spinal cord removal
sure to get your approval
Yes, a little human slaughtagge in the cottage
plenty of blood for easy spottage
and the big-breasted chick is the hottage
at this price you gotta boughttage

This movie surprised me. I have read alot of reveiws on it and they were for the most part good reveiws. I finally gave in an watched it. I was glad I did because it was very good. The story is about a botched kidnapping of a rich guys daughter by two brothers. The kidnapped girl is annoying and the two brothers are funny (one being a tough guy, the other a pure wimp). The girl eventually gets away and makes her way to the farm house next door. Unfortunatley, the man living next door is a disfigured psycho who kills people in a variety of grusome ways.

What I didnt like about the movie was that it took like an hour for the gore to start. I think that may have been the point though. The first half of the movie is a comedy and the second half is gory blood-spattered horror movie. The movie suprised me by hoe bloody it actually was. I guess thats why i liked it so much. Overall a good film and definitley worth the watch.

This film is a unique blend of genuine horror and comedy. It starts out quite funny as a pair of quarreling brothers scheme to collect a ransom from a thug by kidnapping his stripper stepdaughter. It is a classic bumbling caper in an unexpected horror setting. Every character made me laugh: the wuss momma's boy, the hard*ss brother, the hapless accomplice, the kick*ss & foul mouthed kidnapee, the towns folk and even the thugs sent by the kingpin. Nothing goes as expected and I loved that! British horror is becoming my favorite in this genre.

Once the town secret is discovered, all heck breaks loose and the movie turns into a serious horrorfest fast. I especially liked that they made all the bits and pieces fit together. The stellar conclusion made this movie a treat from beginning to end.


My advice: watch this movie but don't read too many details, it will ruin the overall experience that is 'The Cottage."

quite honestly, the best $.98 cents i have spent in ages.

the first half of the movie concentrates on the fumbled (and extremely hilarious) kidnapping of a strip club owner's daughter by a pair of brothers and the buxom blond's brother. the daughter turns the tables on the kidnappers and actually ends up beating the snot (mentally and physically) out of them. one thing leads to another and the blond ends up escaping with the stupider of the two brothers in tow, soon stumbling on to a run down farm house.

this movie morphs perfectly from bumbling black comedy to slasher flick with fantastic, jaw dropping gore, tons of laughs and a decent amount of twists and turns. i highly recommend adding this to your collection.

Let me say up front that for me this could be one of my favorite films of the year. It offers something unseen before, twists a genre on its ear and has more laughs than most highly touted big studio comedies have offered in years. That being said lets get to the plot.

David (Andy Serkis) and Peter (Reece Shearsmith) are brothers who are attempting to pull of a kidnapping. David works for a high level thug and sees an opportunity. Peter is a milk toast who bows to the pressures of his wife and sees a chance to get ahead. Neither of them gets what they want.

The kidnapped in question is Tracey (Jennifer Ellison), a foul mouthed spitfire who takes no guff from anyone least of all two inept kidnappers. Each opportunity that presents itself to do damage to either one she takes. Unfortunately for Peter, the more inept of the two, that means he suffers considerably from beginning to end.

They hapless pair have Tracey holed up in a cottage in the country. This setting is far from anything, including people, making it the perfect place to stow the victim. Well, victim isn't a great term to use for Tracey because she pretty much controls any and everything as we progress. After a mishap with David's cell phone, he goes to town to use the pay phone. While there, he is warned by the strangest looking group of townsfolk you have ever seen to stay in his house.

The gags in this film move from sight gags to situational comedy that hits the mark every time. Toss in another member of the kidnappers who screws things up past the point of no return (and who offers a laugh that forced me to pause the DVD) and you have a great comedy.

BUT...it's not just a comedy. No, if you paid attention to the cover work on the shelf you caught a glimpse of some spooky looking character. Yes, this is a horror film as well! You get two movies for the price of one!

Eventually, do to Peter's bumbling, Tracey escapes with Peter in tow. Searching for the nearby town, Tracey leads them to a farm that at first seems abandoned. But the more they walk through, the more aware they become of an evil presence that lives there. And when they confront the grotesque figure of the home's owner, it offers a scare and a laugh at the same time.

The movie shifts into a different gear as we've changed from simple kidnap story to horror icon land. The home is owned by a farmer who went mad years ago and who now stalks the countryside. With Tracey and Peter captured, we now get to see David and his fellow cohort try to find and then rescue them. Instead, more mayhem ensues. And when the thug's henchmen get into the picture it's even more hilarious.

I know, I know, the movie doesn't sound funny at all. But that's because to reveal some of the funniest parts would be to ruin it for the viewer. Suffice to say that so much damage to one person has never been nearly as funny. It's like an entire season of FUNNIEST HOME VIDEO damage clips rolled into one person.

At the same time, the movie offers some of the goriest horror scenes put on film in some time. Enough so this movie would not be one I'd recommend for children. For adults though you shouldn't deny yourself the chance to see this funny film. Laughs and scares in equal measure make this one of the most original and best films of the year.