The Council of Dads: My Daughters, My Illness, and the Men Who Could Be Me [Hardcover]

Bruce Feiler (Author, Reader)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 27, 2010

Bestselling author Bruce Feiler was a young father when he was diagnosed with cancer. He instantly worried what his daughters' lives would be like without him. "Would they wonder who I was? Would they wonder what I thought? Would they yearn for my approval, my love, my voice?"

Three days later he came up with a stirring idea of how he might give them that voice. He would reach out to six men from all the passages in his life, and ask them to be present in the passages in his daughters' lives. And he would call this group "The Council of Dads."

"I believe my daughters will have plenty of opportunities in their lives," he wrote to these men. "They'll have loving families. They'll have each other. But they may not have me. They may not have their dad. Will you help be their dad?"

The Council of Dads is the inspiring story of what happened next. Feiler introduces the men in his Council and captures the life lesson he wants each to convey to his daughters--how to see, how to travel, how to question, how to dream. He mixes these with an intimate, highly personal chronicle of his experience battling cancer while raising young children, along with vivid portraits of his father, his two grandfathers, and various father figures in his life that explore the changing role of fathers in America.

This is the work of a master storyteller confronting the most difficult experience of his life and emerging with wisdom and hope. The Council of Dads is a touching, funny, and ultimately deeply moving book on how to live life, how the human spirit can respond to adversity, and how to deepen and cherish the friendships that enrich our lives.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Questions for Bruce Feiler on Council of Dads

Q: A Council of Dads is a very original response to receiving a cancer diagnosis. What brought you to this idea of leaving a legacy of voices for your daughters?
A: My daughters had just turned three when I first learned I was sick. I instantly imagined all the moments from their lives I would miss: The ballet recitals I wouldn't see, the boyfriends I wouldn't scowl at, the aisles I wouldn't walk down. Mostly I worried that my girls would miss my voice. Three days later I awoke with a thought, "Here's a way to help my daughters know their father. Reach out to the men who helped make me who I am, and ask them to convey a different message to my girls: How to travel, how to live, how to dream."

Q: How did the Dads react when you invited them to join your Council?
A: The conversations were some of the most meaningful I’ve ever had. It made me realize how rare it is to sit down with your friends and tell them what they really mean to you. I think every one of them cried. Even more remarkable was how seriously they took their roles. Overnight they became a meaningful presence in the girls' lives--a new figure that was different from family, deeper than a friend.

Q: What does your wife think of the Council? Did she help build it?
A: The whole experience brought us closer and deepened Linda's relationship with the men. One reason is that if the Council ever needed to convene for its original purpose Linda would be the one who would have to orchestrate it. But more than that, having a Council created a new kind of community in our lives and gave her a window into how men relate to their friends. The experience was so powerful she's now created her own Council of Moms.

Q: Can anyone create a Council? What advice would you give someone who wants to create their own Council of Dads or Council of Moms?
A: I’ve been amazed by how this idea has spread so quickly. It seems nearly every parent has thought at one time or another about not seeing their kids grow up. I've been especially touched that divorced parents, single moms, military families--so many different people have asked for tips. Some people who lost a parent when they were younger are making Councils retroactively. I decided to set up a website, councilofdads.com, which has a tool kit and a mini-social network where you can communicate with your Council privately.

Q: How are you feeling these days? And what role does the Council play in your life now?
A: Nearly two years after I was diagnosed, I am now cancer-free, though like any survivor I get scanned every few months. (I keep an ongoing cancer diary at brucefeiler.com.) But no matter what happens, our Council will continue. It's the most uplifting community we've ever created; it helps us through adversity; and it reminds us every day to celebrate the friendships we are blessed to have.

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The Feiler Family
(Click on Thumbnails to Enlarge)

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From Publishers Weekly

In 2008, bestselling author Feiler (Walking the Bible) learned he had a rare, life-threatening tumor in his left leg. Fearing what his absence would do to the lives of his young daughters, Feiler asked six close friends ("Men who know my voice") to help raise them. Feiler chronicles his battle with cancer, from diagnosis to recovery, as well as his sentimental but moving journey to recruit friends who can carry out his wish to teach his daughters to travel, dream, and live life to its fullest. Feiler's intimate bond with his friends makes them unusually expressive and communicative (if lacking in humor), and their own biographies lend further inspirational dimensions to the story. Though his letters to friends and family can get ornate ("The Brooklyn Bridge...is looking fresh-faced and handsome overhead, its famed promenade glittering like the pot of gold at the end of a long journey to come"), it's hard not to get swept along and cheer Feiler on as he fights for his life and his daughters'.
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Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow; 1 edition (April 27, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0061778761
• ISBN-13: 978-0061778766
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 6.3 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (37 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #285,899 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

BRUCE FEILER is one of America's most popular voices on faith, family, and finding meaning in everyday life. He is the best-selling author of nine books, including WALKING THE BIBLE, ABRAHAM, and AMERICA'S PROPHET, and one of only a handful of writers to have four consecutive New York Times nonfiction bestsellers in the last decade. He is also the writer/presenter of the PBS miniseries WALKING THE BIBLE. His latest book, THE COUNCIL OF DADS, tells the uplifting story of how friendship and community can help one survive life's greatest challenge.

Bruce Feiler's early books involve immersing himself in different cultures and bringing other worlds vividly to life. These include LEARNING TO BOW, an account of the year he spent teaching in rural Japan; LOOKING FOR CLASS, about life inside Oxford and Cambridge; and UNDER THE BIG TOP, which depicts the year he spent performing as a clown in the Clyde Beatty-Cole Bros. Circus.

His recent work made him one of the country's most respected authorities on religion, politics, and the emotional issues of our time. WALKING THE BIBLE describes his perilous, 10,000-mile journey retracing the Five Books of Moses through the desert. The book was hailed as an "instant classic" by the Washington Post and "thoughtful, informed, and perceptive" by The New York Times. It spent more than a year and a half on the New York Times bestseller list, has been translated into fifteen languages, and is the subject of a children's book and a photography book.

ABRAHAM recounts his personal search for the shared ancestor of Jews, Christians, and Muslims. "Exquisitely written," wrote the Boston Globe, "100 percent engaging." The book was featured on the cover of TIME Magazine, became a runaway New York Times bestseller, and inspired thousands of grassroots interfaith discussions.

WHERE GOD WAS BORN describes his year-long trek retracing the Bible through Israel, Iraq, and Iran. "Bruce Feiler is a real-life Indiana Jones," wrote the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. AMERICA'S PROPHET recounts his unprecedented journey through American history - from the pilgrims to the founding fathers, the Civil War to the Civil Rights movement - exploring how the Exodus is America's greatest story and Moses is our true founding father. Both were New York Times bestsellers.

In 2006, PBS aired the miniseries WALKING THE BIBLE that received record ratings and was viewed by 20 million people in its first month. "Beguiling," wrote the Wall Street Journal. "Mr. Feiler is an engaging and informed guide."

Bruce Feiler has written for numerous publications, including The New Yorker, The New York Times Magazine, and Gourmet, where he won three James Beard Awards. He is also a frequent contributor to National Public Radio, CNN, and Fox News. He has been the subject of Jay Leno joke and a JEOPARDY! question, and his face appears on a postage stamp in the Grenadines.

His latest book, THE COUNCIL OF DADS: My Daughters, My Illness, and the Men Who Could Be Me, describes how he responded to a diagnosis of cancer by asking six men from all passages of his life to be present through the passages of his young daughters's lives. "I believe my daughters will have plenty of opportunities in their lives," he wrote these men. "They'll have loving families. They'll have each other. But they may not have me. They may not have their dad. Will you help be their dad?"

A native of Savannah, Georgia, Bruce Feiler lives in New York with wife, Linda Rottenberg, and their twin daughters. For more information, please visit www.brucefeiler.com.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

30 of 31 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Take a Walk With Bruce Feiler, March 4, 2010

By 

Jerry Sanchez (New York) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Council of Dads: My Daughters, My Illness, and the Men Who Could Be Me (Hardcover)

(What's this?)

I wanted to be a better father after finishing this heart-warming book. Upon learning he was ill with a rare, life-threating cancer, Bruce Feiler, father to twin daughters Tybee and Eden, is faced with how he can show his love to his girls if he ceases to be a physical presence in their lives. His idea was to appoint a Council of Dads, a group of six men from different areas and stages of his life to be his voice and fatherly representative at special times during his daughters' lives. This book is broken up between introducing these men to the reader and recounting periods of the year he spends with his doctors fighting the disease. Personally, as the father of two young girls, the notion of a 'Council of Dads' intrigues me; I just pray I am never in a situation where it may become a reality. Fortunately for Bruce and his family, he successfully triumphed over his cancer and can continue his life as a father. Beautifully written and touching, this is a great book.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Inspiring and full of wisdom, May 5, 2010

By 

Nathan Beauchamp "ConsumerAdvocate" (Oak Park, IL USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Council of Dads: My Daughters, My Illness, and the Men Who Could Be Me (Hardcover)

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One doesn't need to be struggling with cancer to ask many of the same questions as Bruce Feiler. All of us are just one tragedy away from leaving our children without the influence of their mother or father. I've thought of this from time to time, and wondered if the cobbled-together collections of my personal writing, photographs, and the memories of my other family members and friends would really communicate who I am to any of my offspring. These aren't morbid questions, but an examination of how to leave a child a legacy of emotional fortitude and knowledge, not just the burdens of going through the rest of their life fatherless.

Bruce Feiler addresses these questions with painful honesty. In the midst of his personal tragedy, being diagnosed with a cancerous tumor in his leg, he looks for a way to give his twin daughters the knowledge of the values most important to him should the worst happen. By assembling a group of men who know and love him and his family to be part-time father's to his girls. The most impressive thing about this plan is that despite his cancer, he looks outside himself and realizes that the needs of his girls are even more important than his own. That is what being a father is all about, and I deeply appreciated his love and care for his family. There were moments in the book that made me tear up--and I am not the 'crying kind.'

However, the book itself is less about the council of dads that Bruce assembles than it is a narrative of his journey through his battle with cancer. The book is arranged into alternating chapters of letters to his family and friends about the process of fighting cancer and family life, and chapters describing the men whom he has selected to be part of the council. The descriptions of each man are poignant, if narrow. I would have appreciated more detail on each, more detail on why he chose them, and a better overall view of what specifically he wanted his daughters to know, beyond "I loved you deeply." Much of that does get communicated through the book, but it would have been nice to see it captured as part of the narrative about the council members themselves.

A quick read at around 200 pages, this isn't a book on fighting cancer, nor a book on assembling a council of dads. It's really a exposition on what it is to realize your own mortality. Many lesser men and women let that realization turn them into self-absorbed or angry people. Bruce is instead honest about his own suffering, but also continually looking to his family's needs first. The impression I left with was that he was truly a lovely person and an amazing father. I wish him all the best and pray that the remainder of his life will be cancer free.

4/5 Stars.

28 of 36 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Not what I expected, March 24, 2010

By 

M. Buehl "Informed Mama" (Northern Colorado) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Council of Dads: My Daughters, My Illness, and the Men Who Could Be Me (Hardcover)

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First off, I appreciate the author's candid and real accounts of how he dealt with such a personal tragedy, as a parent especially, I cannot imagine.
I was captured by the title of the book and the concept..like I said, I'm a parent too and thought it was such an awesome (awesome in the sense of heavy/important, not awesome as in great) responsiblity and idea to choose a council to replace your influence. I was disappointed upon reading to find not as much focus on this as I had expected, given the title. It is a chronical of his experience with his illness and how he dealt with it as things progressed. I have a hard time saying it was as inspiring as I had hoped...but I do think this book is a good memoir that will most certainly reach others in a way that it just didn't me.