Customer Reviews

The Council of Dads: My Daughters, My Illness, and the Men Who Could Be Me

5 star:		(25)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(5)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I wanted to be a better father after finishing this heart-warming book. Upon learning he was ill with a rare, life-threating cancer, Bruce Feiler, father to twin daughters Tybee and Eden, is faced with how he can show his love to his girls if he ceases to be a physical presence in their lives. His idea was to appoint a Council of Dads, a group of six men from different areas and stages of his life to be his voice and fatherly representative at special times during his daughters' lives. This book is broken up between introducing these men to the reader and recounting periods of the year he spends with his doctors fighting the disease. Personally, as the father of two young girls, the notion of a 'Council of Dads' intrigues me; I just pray I am never in a situation where it may become a reality. Fortunately for Bruce and his family, he successfully triumphed over his cancer and can continue his life as a father. Beautifully written and touching, this is a great book.

One doesn't need to be struggling with cancer to ask many of the same questions as Bruce Feiler. All of us are just one tragedy away from leaving our children without the influence of their mother or father. I've thought of this from time to time, and wondered if the cobbled-together collections of my personal writing, photographs, and the memories of my other family members and friends would really communicate who I am to any of my offspring. These aren't morbid questions, but an examination of how to leave a child a legacy of emotional fortitude and knowledge, not just the burdens of going through the rest of their life fatherless.

Bruce Feiler addresses these questions with painful honesty. In the midst of his personal tragedy, being diagnosed with a cancerous tumor in his leg, he looks for a way to give his twin daughters the knowledge of the values most important to him should the worst happen. By assembling a group of men who know and love him and his family to be part-time father's to his girls. The most impressive thing about this plan is that despite his cancer, he looks outside himself and realizes that the needs of his girls are even more important than his own. That is what being a father is all about, and I deeply appreciated his love and care for his family. There were moments in the book that made me tear up--and I am not the 'crying kind.'

However, the book itself is less about the council of dads that Bruce assembles than it is a narrative of his journey through his battle with cancer. The book is arranged into alternating chapters of letters to his family and friends about the process of fighting cancer and family life, and chapters describing the men whom he has selected to be part of the council. The descriptions of each man are poignant, if narrow. I would have appreciated more detail on each, more detail on why he chose them, and a better overall view of what specifically he wanted his daughters to know, beyond "I loved you deeply." Much of that does get communicated through the book, but it would have been nice to see it captured as part of the narrative about the council members themselves.

A quick read at around 200 pages, this isn't a book on fighting cancer, nor a book on assembling a council of dads. It's really a exposition on what it is to realize your own mortality. Many lesser men and women let that realization turn them into self-absorbed or angry people. Bruce is instead honest about his own suffering, but also continually looking to his family's needs first. The impression I left with was that he was truly a lovely person and an amazing father. I wish him all the best and pray that the remainder of his life will be cancer free.

4/5 Stars.

First off, I appreciate the author's candid and real accounts of how he dealt with such a personal tragedy, as a parent especially, I cannot imagine.
I was captured by the title of the book and the concept..like I said, I'm a parent too and thought it was such an awesome (awesome in the sense of heavy/important, not awesome as in great) responsiblity and idea to choose a council to replace your influence. I was disappointed upon reading to find not as much focus on this as I had expected, given the title. It is a chronical of his experience with his illness and how he dealt with it as things progressed. I have a hard time saying it was as inspiring as I had hoped...but I do think this book is a good memoir that will most certainly reach others in a way that it just didn't me.

Bruce Feiler, the well-known author of Walking the Bible, has written a book that addresses one of the deepest fears of a parent: the fear of dying while our children are still young. We fear our death will leave our children stricken and lost. We equally fear they will not be stricken, that they will be perfectly fine and not remember us at all.

When Feiler discovers he suffers from a particularly virulent form of cancer, he faces all these fears and more. His twin daughters are young, just 3-years-old. He is leveled by thoughts of what might never be: "I kept imagining all the walks I might not take with them, the ballet recitals I might not see, the art projects I might not mess up, the boyfriends I might not scowl at, the aisles I might not walk down."

Feiler's solution is ingenious and touching: he decides to assemble a "Council of Dads," a group of six men who will help guide his daughters through life in his stead. They are the friends and colleagues who have known him best in life, men who will be able to tell his daughters who their dad was. "Will you help be their dads?" he asks them.

The book follows Feiler as he enlists each prospective Council member. As he talks with each one, he reveals the unique qualifications of each as he recounts the history shared by the two. The result is an affectionate trek into Feiler's past as well as an emotionally rich assessment of the present and a fearless conjecture about the future.

A book like this could easily become maudlin (as I felt Jim Moret's The Last Day of My Life did). While the book is highly emotional, tear-stained on every page, Feiler avoids veering into Oprah territory. He touches down lightly into the emotion and then takes off again for new ground, reporting on the progress of his cancer treatment, examining his family's history and the evocative backgrounds of his life story (Savannah in particular) and throwing in a little humor for good measure. (When his twins are born on the IRS deadline of April 15th, his doctor muses, "Early Feiler and Late Feiler.")

I imagine after reading this book, many readers will be mentally compiling their own council of dads or moms. I know I am. But I sincerely pray that Feiler's daughters will not be the only ones to benefit from the presence of his Council. May Feiler himself walk among them for many, many years to come.

In The Council of Dads Bruce Feiler goes through what he calls "The Lost Year" after he is diagnosed with cancer. With very young twin daughters at home, Bruce was devastated that he might not be around to see his daughters grow up, and by what they would be deprived of without their father. In response to his fears he created the Council of Dads. Bruce asked a number of his close, male friends to become members. He felt each embodied one of Bruce's own traits that he wanted his daughters to have access to. This heartstring-pulling premise was what intrigued me into reading this book. I wanted to know the men Mr. Feiler thought were worthy of such a task.

Sadly, I didn't feel like I knew them after the book was over. They weren't particularly memorable for me, and in that the potential poignancy was lost. I did not feel I deeply understood the lessons Bruce wanted his daughters taught by these men since I didn't feel I deeply understood the men themselves. A good portion of the book is not about the Council of Dads, but rather how Bruce observes his family and friends coping with his treatment, and how he himself deals with it.

If you are going through a similar experience I would recommend this book, as there is a lot of hope in it.

While serving as chaplain of an oncology ward, seeking to offer hope and encouragement, I found that many of the patients encouraged me with their stories and their determination. Bruce Feiler brings his own determination to the table in his battle with cancer, chronicled in The Council of Dads. His plan is similar to what soldiers do to help their families during a prolonged deployment, especially in wartime. Kids need a father-figure to fill in the gap. Bruce assembled a team to be his "voice".

Because Bruce has written three books on Biblical themes I was surprised to hear very little about God as one of his resources. He's not even angry at God. I would've thought that his faith might have played some part, and perhaps it did, but I don't see that in the book. God's barely there.

Although no one wants to be defined by their illness, Bruce in his "lost year" gained a new job, that of getting well, assembling his team, and preparing his daughters...and often our jobs define us. I bet he does not see this as a wasted year.

I've read all of Bruce's books except the one on Country music (I don't care for it), and I was prepared for the burden of reading a very sad book, only to happily discover this is a book about living and taking action to form a meaningful life. As someone said, "Everyone dies; not everyone lifes." In his engaging style, Bruce tells stories about his life and is more open, more vulnerable than ever before. Like his travel books, he takes us along for his journey through illness, battling the "monsters" (his metaphor) and not giving up.

I spent most of the day yesterday reading The Council of Dads. I had a chance today to hear Bruce speak at Trinity Church in Boston, but I got called to the hospital to visit a sick member of my church. I hope I was able to convey some of the strength I picked up in Bruce's book.

I was diagnosed with Vascular, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome just over two years ago, when my youngest child was just a toddler. I have, personally, wondered many times who would be there for my children to help guide them, comfort them, and teach them the life lessons they will still need to learn when I am gone. How can one explain what it is like to look at someone else and wonder if they would make a good replacement for you as a parent? This book brilliantly addresses the same concerns I have had on many occasions. Well worth reading. A beautiful tale of friendship, compassion, and determination.

Just by reading the description of this story I knew it was going to be a tearjerker. The book did not disappoint. Right from the first chapter, I found myself emotionally attached the the author and his family. I needed to read more to find out how they survived during the author's year-long ordeal.

One of the things I enjoyed about this book was the chapter layout. The first chapter in this pattern was a letter written by the author to his friends and family. This was followed by a chapter introducing one of the "dads" to the reader. The last chapter was one in which the "dad" and Feiler discussed what that dad would pass along to the author's children if he passed. While it was possible for these chapters to feel disjointed, each worked well together to tell a complete story.

The chapters consisting of the letters were my favorite. One of the reasons I enjoyed these so much is that they were able to give an update about the author's condition with a human touch. They discussed things such as Feiler's heath and how his family had been coping with his illness. I found these chapters were a a great tool to help pace the story. They were a great way to quickly cover several months worth of time while still keeping the reader informed.

As the author was telling a very personal story, I could of easily felt like an outsider throughout the book. The lack of experience I have with dealing with cancer in my family could of made it hard to relate to the journey told. Neither of these things was a problem. The author does such a fantastic job telling his story that you feel like you are right there with him. You celebrate his highs as if they are your own. When he is suffering you wish that you were there to support him. The author's ability to make his journey your own helps make this book a must read.

Review: This was a fantastic read that was impossible to put down. The author had my interest and I was riveted throughout his year long battle. Despite the fact I had little in common with the author, I found myself often relating to his situation and enjoying his story.

I received a free copy of this book from [...] as part of their "First Reads" program.

"I loved this book. Having 4 children of my own, I found myself in tears at several points which does not happen very often. Bruce is one of my favorite authors, so I have a bias - his Walking the Bible books have inspired me to lead a tour in Israel this fall, and a Egypt/Jordan tour in 2012.

His concept of the council of Dads is so counter to culture that even if he wasn't struggling with cancer, I think he would say that he would put one together anyways. It is an affirmation of strong friendships and the people who shape us, it is a celebration of family (warts and all) and it is a point blank look at the inevitability of death, which we all will face someday.

His writing is clear, his structure works, and this book is a gift to his family and friends!"

Bruce Feiler has been somewhat of a surrogate professor of theology for me and I am certain for many in providing background of his "walks through the Bible." His latest venture is a completely different journey and one with heartfelt and heartwarming stories and advice for everyone. It is a must read