Customer Reviews

Counter-Dependency: The Flight from Intimacy

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Much has been written about "co-dependency" in our society, but this was the first I had heard of "counter-dependency." I think many who have been trying to understand themselves through a "closed circle" type of co-dependency model will find this fairly new concept more recognizable and therefore be able to better help themsleves.

The Weinholds place a very strong importance on the early developmental process of young children. It will perhaps be difficult for people to accept that the very things that are necessary to survive --as a single parent, as a parent married to a military spouse, a parent married to a traveling business person, or parents in tension filled or conflict riddled relationships--can and DO create harmful patterns and cycles in children, ranging from a rebellious independence and a fear of being smothered to a fearfullness of abandonment.

But it is a necessary first step to recognize that modern life situations that interfere or interupt a child's developing sense of self are built in to our culture. Work long and hard, often to the detriment of one's self and/or family.

Once you begin reading, if you are honest, you realize how much of what we do and think and believe is tied to either co- dependent issues or counter-dependent issues. The beauty is that once the recognition is made, there are several, albeit intense and unique, strategies to take you back into the time of hurt to heal the inner child all within a committed relationship. Perhaps this is what was most powerful of all their ideas and explanations; it was not to leave the relationship and family you already have, but to heal from within that committed place, since most anxieties tended to be born from this kind of intimacy. You can't heal what you can't face, for example, like finally facing your fear of flying by actually flying and relief when you have the realization that you didn't die after all and are if fact OK.

Counter-dependency is pervasive and perhaps the next step in our reflection of who we are and how we got to where we are. It isn't labled as a diease, but rather a conditioning of the small child that later plays havoc in our adult lives as we continue subconsciously to try and get that which we "missed out on."

The Weinholds also go into great depth about the traumas of abuse and neglect on children and the familiy dramas that they live in. They offer intense strategies for individuals to work through to heal themselves of these pains within a safe relationship. They offer a positive message about how to have and maintain a good emotional and physical sex life.

It is not a pretty mirror to gaze into a first, but it will draw you in through a curiosity or a personal connection. You will recognize aspects of yourself, your partner, your family and friends. I thought about the lyrics to many songs I am familiar with and realized I could hear the voice of America's youth crying out for healing from painful parenting--subjects like not being able to live up to parental expectations, to parental abandonment, and promises to be better with their own kids than their parents had done to them, etc. Perhaps the Weinholds have truly hit upon something that could change they way we live forever.

I'm about half-way through this book, and I can't put it down. I found it on the bookshelf of a friend who barely remembered having purchased it and who had never read it.

I had never before heard of the concept of counter-dependency, but I intuitively knew of its existence. While the copy I'm reading is plagued with editing mishaps, the authors have grabbed my attention with their colloquially informational style that presents not only a logical case for their theories but also a guide for continued personal growth.

This chance discovery comes at a time when I'm beginning to try my under-developed, 34-year-old relationship wings, and while I'm still afraid to "let go" as much as the book encourages, I'm excited to continue my journey of personal discovery with this book as my guide for the next leg of the trip.

Overall, this was a very inmormative book. I didn't find it an "easy read" compared to other books on this subject. It reminded me more of a textbook type style. I do like the overall theory the book is based on and feel as though I learned a great deal.

This is one book that explains the rudimentary reasons we are at this crucial stage of our personal and social development. Our society is at a crossroads. Because of the major advances in technology we can no longer afford to linger in behaviors that limit our ability to adjust into an advanced culture. Because dysfunctional personalities now dominate our major social institutions it behooves us to understand how and why this has happened. What we are left with is the responsibility and realization that real social change happens one person at a time, and this book is a vital tool in that quest.

Folks, we really appreciate your kind remarks about this older version of our book.

Unfortunately, we retained the copyright on it and NEVER authorized its publication in the Kindle format. Also as unfortunate, is that it's sold really well here and we've never received a dime in royalties.

Please do us a favor and purchase the new version of this book, The Flight From Intimacy,The Flight from Intimacy: Healing Your Relationship of Counter-dependence - The Other Side of Co-dependency which is sold here at Amazon.

In the meantime, Amazon's legal and kindle teams are working to remove this illegal product from their website.

Janae and Barry Weinhold