Couple Fits: How to Live with the Person You Love [Paperback]

Evelyn S. Cohen (Author), Sheila A. Rogovin (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 10, 2000

Attachment theory has generated a lot of press attention recently. But Couple Fits is the first book to apply the principles to building healthier relationships and reducing conflict. Our first attachment relationship--as infants to our mothers--remains with us throughout our lives, and determines our future relationships with others. This book describes the three styles of attachment and provides a self-test so readers are able to determine their own style and their partner's. The authors then give tips for each possible combination of attachment types.

Readers will learn:

The identity of the three attachment styles: Secure, Avoidant, and Ambivalent
How to communicate with your partner more effectively about your wants and needs, and encourage him/her to do the same
How to "read" arguments correctly, by recognizing the issues at stake
How to give negative feedback in a positive way, so that disagreements don't escalate into major fights

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

The key to easing conflict within a love relationship, contend therapists Cohen and Rogovin, is to understand one's attachment style. Drawing on examples from film and television to illustrate psychologist Mary Ainsworth's attachment theory, they describe the three basic styles--secure, "avoidant" or ambivalent--that develop as a result of interaction between mother and infant. In adult relationships, they explain, one's attachment style shows in how one negotiates emotional comfort. Secure adults are responsive to their own and others' feelings, and are confident in love, while avoidant adults are the opposite. Ambivalent adults are "fools for love" who quickly fall in and out of relationships because they passionately desire comfort and support but cannot accept it. After identifying their attachment style at the outset, readers can then confirm their "couple fit" from among the six possible combinations by consulting the corresponding chapter, which presents anecdotal examples from the authors' therapy practice and concludes with suggestions for managing the communication breakdowns typical of each pairing. For example, a Secure person with an Avoidant mate is advised to "drag your partner in on the 'small stuff,'" while a Secure person with an Ambivalent mate is advised to "save your grandstand plays for the big issues." Although the authors have stronger advice for some fits than others, and don't always balance their examples according to gender, their approach to the puzzle of improving communication between intimate partners is basically solid. (Jan.)
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

About the Author

Sheila A.Rogovin Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice in Chevy Chase, Md., specializing in couples therapy. She is an active member of the American Group Psychotherapy Association,American Psychological Association,and its local affiliates. She is on the Board of Trustees of the Washington School of Psychiatry. She was a panelist at the Hofstra University Law School discussing the psychological effects of couples going through legal proceedings.She has supervised and trained psychology interns.

Evelyn Streit Cohen is a Marriage and Family therapist in NYC. This book is based on her research as a doctoral student at Yeshiva University. She consults with business on organizational cooperation and intergenerational transitions. She hosted a radio show dealing with relationships on WBAI FM. She is a Clinical Member of the Amercian Ass'n of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT) and has been a board member of the New York chapter of the AAMFT.

Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Perigee Trade; 1 edition (January 10, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0399525734
• ISBN-13: 978-0399525735
• Product Dimensions: 5.1 x 0.8 x 8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #799,415 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Couple Fits, July 5, 2002

By 

Dominic (Singapore) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Couple Fits: How to Live with the Person You Love (Paperback)

Very comprehensive overview on how relationship dynamics operate; provides a framework to demonstrate how different characters can conflict under everyday life. Clear explanations of the 3 major behavioural types & the book proceeds to identify all the different permutations that exists.
It works through various case studies under each combination & provides useful tips on how to function 'better' within a long term relationship, yet maintaining your own ethos.
This was a very good comfort read for me

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Readable Guide to Couple Relationships, July 12, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Couple Fits: How to Live with the Person You Love (Paperback)

This book nicely balances practical suggestions with a theoretical foundation. The authors help the reader to identify the reasons for a couple's interactions, and offers practical ideas on how to work on issues between partners.

They describe three attachment styles--secure, avoidant, and ambivalent and during the course of the book help the reader to move to a more meaningful relationship with his or her partner.

Though they are clearly strongly influenced by John Bowlby's attachment theory, they don't hide behind jargon. It is a very pleasant read! I especially liked the "pearls" sprinkled throughout the book.