Customer Reviews

A Couple's Guide to Communication

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This book was recommended for me to read by my Sociology Professor instead of John Gray's work, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, and I love it! I've delved a little into both texts and enjoy Gottman's work better since its suggestions are backed by years of clinical research on how thousands of couples communicate and presents the strategies that worked best for them, where Gray's are more based on observations. This book gives practical step by step knowledge of how to communicate with your partner and the little snags that you run into day by day without even knowing it. I consider my partner and I very open and able to communicate with each other, but reading this book showed us that even we could use some improvement; it has helped me to see where my ability to communicate goes astray and gave me ways to work on them. The language is easy to understand and there are even practice exercises you can do with your significant other to review the information he presents. The book presents a whole program that you can do to help you communicate better with your mate or even anyone you come into contact with. If you are the kind of person who constantly is searching to improve your life, then this is a book for you!

This book helped me understand that we often do more damage to our relationships even when we intend to make things better. After reading this book, I see that there are so many things that I noticed in myself and my partner that negatively affected our relationship. We are now on the path to correct these things and our relationship is getting better month by month. This book as well as a very enlightening book called "The Ever-transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato are Godsends to us. They have saved our marriage and made us more positive and hopeful about our own lives! If you read these books, you will understand what I am saying. Good luck on your journeys together!

This book was published in 1976. There are more current books by the same author that are much better. He is a researcher who was just "starting out" in 1976 and has since made new discoveries so that this book (examples for sure) are very out-of-date for today's world.

Although the book is now over 30 years old and some of the examples seem a bit foreign, "A Couple's Guide to Communication" helps partners take the emotional charge out of arguments and get to the heart of the issue. I am extremely impressed by techniques that help to check the intent of your message against the impact it makes on your partner, leveling and editing conversations, verification of each others feelings... and more! We now recognize that a single word used in an argument can change the entire message, how to remove the emotional charge when conversing, how to make our point without offending each other and how to succeed in validating and respecting your partners persons position without necessarily having to agree. This book puts daily bickering in perspective and gets to the heart of why the bickering occurs with activities and discussion directives to guide conversations that you and your partner would have had anyway, but are now productive and not destructive. I highly recommend it to anyone wanting to feel closer to your partner through real transcendental conversation - and may provide new fulfillment in your physical relationship as a result!

I bought this book at a psychology conference in 1980 and it has remained a treasure to me ever since.

Yes, it is true Gottman wrote this book way back, but it still has much to offer and I find that it's straightforward style suits both myself and my clients.

Of course his later books have much to offer also. It is just that this is one I find myself seeking out and sharing its content with my clients. And what it covers is STILL very helpful. Old truths have no "use by" stamp on them. And Gottman has always had a lot to offer. I am very grateful to him for his assistance through this book.

But by all means seek out his other books; they are also helpful in their own way and maybe one of them will speak to a particular person better. Certainly, if one believes the most recent of something is automatically the best, that person should choose recently published books for the sheer placebo effect upon him or her. But I think there is are flaws/assumptions in the reasoning behind such a choice - think about it.

Because I purchased this book as a gift, I cannot attest to its value, except to say that I've heard that this author and his book are very good.